We got the call early this morning, our poor baby Samson had passed away.
Last night the vet called to say that the surgery had not been a success. They had hoped that they could go into his stomach and get whatever it was that he swallowed. The x-rays from the day before showed something, not bone or metal, that was caught in his throat and went down into his stomach. So the vet thought he could open up his stomach, grab it, the pull it out through the abdominal wall . Well, they opened him up but they couldn’t find whatever it was he swallowed. It’s fucking baffling to me that the x-ray showed something the day before and they go in yesterday and it’s gone. So they closed him up and let us come see him.
The vet told us his chances were slim, very slim, he thought there was just too much damage, and he felt that whatever Samson had swallowed was now embedded in his esophagus. He didn’t think it was possible for him to survive this….We wanted to make sure we did everything we could so we agreed that maybe he should stay with them overnight, that way they could monitor him and see if anything else could be done.
We wish we had opted to bring him home last night. I know it might sound sad and morbid but I wish he had passed away with us, at home, surrounded by everything he knew, rather than in a veterinary office kennel, surrounded by strangers and other sick animals. We would have laid with him and told him it was okay, that he didn’t have to fight anymore. We wanted to tell him that we loved him, and that he was a very good dog.
Grieving has been hard. Being in the house without him is hard. I’m used to spending a good amount of time worrying about where he is, or what he’s getting into, or what he might be peeing on. He barked a lot and ran around and was always either trying to jump up on me or trying to get me to throw his toy. Now the house is quiet and boring. I wander around thinking he might just be in another room or maybe just outside, and I feel like any minute now he will come running in to play with me.
My heart literally hurts, and my stomach is in knots. I feel shocked and I’m in perpetual disbelief. I just want my boy to come home. Then I accept it, he is gone and he is never coming home again, and then I cry. We’ve been looking at his pictures and telling little stories about him and laughing and then crying some more. I didn’t know how much I loved him and I didn’t know how much of my life revolved around him until now and I wish I had appreciated him more. I wish I had given him more treats, taken him more places, thrown the ball just a little more….That’s all I can write for now.
Rest in peace Samson, we love you and we miss you.