If we were having coffee I would tell you that this week has been long and I am tired. I would tell you that things aren’t going so well for me at work. Nothing seems to be going right and I am feeling a bit burned out on it all. I didn’t get the driver I wanted, I didn’t get the route I wanted, the route I did get has changed for the worst. I am working long hours, much longer than I am getting paid for. I am bored and sad a lot of the time and now that Chardonnay is busy all day I have been feeling a bit alone. I would tell you that I hate that I feel like that.
I think I am making her feel bad about her new position. I don’t mean to and I never thought I would be one of those women who makes their partner feel bad for working hard. She is stressed and she misses me as much as I miss her and making her feel bad about it doesn’t fix anything. We need to make sure the time we are spending together is quality time. We need more communication and we both have to be patient and understanding of the other. We are having a rough time right now but nothing we can’t handle. We just need to get used to a new schedule and a bit less time spent together.
I would tell you that there is a bit of a silver lining to all of this. With Chardonnay busy all the time and me in no mood to interact with people around me I have found a lot of time to get other things done. I am reading more and teaching myself math and science. I missed so much in school and it has been both very exciting and very frustrating to teach myself all the things I missed out on. The stuff I have finished so far are things I already knew, or once knew and forgot. This week I move on to learn things I was never taught.
I would probably refill my coffee at this point, lots of sugar, lots of creamer. I would tell you I am also trying to find some philosophy lectures to watch. I am pushing myself to learn more and more about as many subjects as I can. I’m not sure exactly what the end game is. I’m not why I am doing all this but I just have this drive to learn everything I can. I want to have a basic (or better) knowledge of all subjects. I think this way I can find out what my passion really is and I can start thinking about what kind of career I want. I am unhappy at my current job and I want to leave but I won’t unless I find a job I love and I think that means going back to school and getting a degree.
I would tell you that for the most part I am doing ok. I am worried about getting depressed but I am holding on. I would ask you for advice but I bet you wouldn’t have any to give. This is something I have to figure out for myself. I have to learn how to be alone and how to cope with my feelings again without Chardonnay around to help me. I have to figure out how to be happy on my own and I have to move forward. I have to find my own happiness too. I would say all of this and still not know what to do though. That is the hard part, we all know what we should do but we don’t know exactly how to do it.
I would ask you how you were doing. I would say I hope everything is going well and that if things weren’t I am here to listen to you too. I would ask you if you needed anything, if there was any way I could help and I would hope you would tell me if there was. I would drink the last of my coffee, the sugary part that collects art the bottom. I would thank you for the coffee and tell you this was nice. I would tell you to have a good day and a good rest of the week. I would say we should get together like this more often. I would walk you out and wish you good luck.
Thank you to Gene’O for the inspiration, and for making this a community thing. I really enjoyed writing it. :)