Being alone hurts. Being around people and still feeling alone hurts more. Knowing there is someone who loves you but they are too busy to talk to you hurts in a completely different way.
I work long hours and so does my girlfriend. We actually work at the same job and she is kinda sorta my boss. We met before either of us worked here and she has only been my boss for a few months now. Most people think that working together would be hard. Most people can’t even fathom their significant other being their boss. We make it work though. Work stuff is work stuff and home stuff is home stuff. The hardest part of it all is actually the amount of time she has to devote to work now.
I used to be able to see her throughout the day. Sometimes we could even eat lunch together. Now I can’t come to her office as that would look unprofessional and people may think I am getting treated differently because she is my girlfriend. On top of that she is too busy to even text me or see me for lunch anymore. If we were working a typical 8 hour day it might not be that bad but our jobs often require both of us to work well over that. I miss her terribly now and I feel alone most of the day.
I have friends at work too but it’s not the same. They are mostly guys and they don’t often want to talk about feelings. I don’t feel like I have many people around me who notice or even care how I am feeling. I’m not mad at them. I can’t expect others to always care and anyway I would hate to bring them down with problems that can’t really help with.
So I wait all day until me and my lady can go home and be in our own little world. It is a long wait and the time we have together is short before we must head to bed. Even on the weekends we are often busy cleaning or running errands we didn’t have time for during the week. If we aren’t doing that there is always family we need to see or some social function we must attend. There isn’t much time for us to just be together with no outside demands.
I know she misses me too. She comes home and she just hugs me and tells me about her day. She tells me that this sucks. She would much rather be with me than dealing with the crap she has to deal with. I know I am priority. I do not doubt that what she tells me is true. There just isn’t much we can do about our schedules right now. We have to learn to to make the best of our time. I am doing my best to be ok. I don’t want to make her feel bad. She got this promotion for us, so that we could have a better life. Neither of knew what we were getting into though.
Her job is stressful so I try to cheer her up during the day when I can. She is too busy to even be cheered up and too stressed to be in the mood to smile or think happy thoughts. She tells me she appreciates my effort and she wants me to keep trying but I just feel like a bother. I don’t know how other couples can do this sort of thing. I don’t know how to be away from the person I love so much.
Maybe thats just because I had gone so many years being able to spend so much of my time with her. We have been lucky. Maybe eventually everything will fall into place and I won’t feel so alone without her around. I want very much for her to take care of the work she needs to and I am so proud of her for taking on this responsibility. I have to remember to stay grateful I have her and not forget that she misses me too. I have to remember to make the most of what we have in the time that we have it.