I heard the alarm go off promptly at 5:00 AM. I held you tighter knowing soon you would be leaving me. The alarm went off again 10 minutes later and I knew I couldn’t keep you anymore. You left and I heard you go outside in the cold to make sure the car would start. I felt the emptiness on your side of the bed and wished you could stay, then I drifted off back to sleep.
You came in sometime later, what time I don’t know. You kissed me on the cheek and said you had to go. I tried to wake enough to see you and say goodbye but I was exhausted. I don’t know what I said to you, I don’t remember now.
I do remember that sometime after that I did wake up and decided to take a shower. It felt like it must’ve been an hour or two since you left. I got up and began to get in the shower…..then I heard noises in the house. Someone was in the house and I freaked out. I opened the bathroom door slowly only to find you standing there holding cold medicine and lemon muffins. It had not been an hour or two since you left, it had only been 15 to 30 minutes. I told you you had scared the shit out of me then I thanked you for the medicine and food. You left then to head to work.
I missed you right away and tried to stay busy. I took my shower then took some meds and ate the muffins you bought me. I sat in bed and read some, then Twitter and Tumblr, I then played a new game I got on my phone. I was bored without you and I began to text you desperately telling you every little thought that popped into my head and reminding you to stop by the store later for various things. Sometimes you text back and sometimes you didn’t. I checked my phone every few minute to see if you had.
The rest of the day I slept or wandered the house bored and lost. I began to wonder what it must be like for people who are single. What do the do all day alone in their homes? When you are here the house if filled up. When you are here the house is safe. I have someone to talk to, someone to laugh at my stupid jokes. It’s weird to realize I didn’t talk all day with you not here.
Then I began to imagine if this would be how life was for me if anything ever happened to you and you didn’t come home. I know that is morbid but I think about things like this. I think it’s my brains way of trying to prepare for worst case scenarios and I know nothing is worse than living in this house without you. I saw days stretched out, going on forever, the days were empty and so was my mind and heart. I think I would become like a zombie, just wandering mindlessly from one task to the next.
I got depressed thinking about that so I put myself beck to bed. I am sick after all and need my rest. I slept the rest of the afternoon away. I woke up again just as it was getting dark out and I guessed I had another hour before you would be home. I decided to surprise you by cleaning something in the house. I know you expected that I wouldn’t feel up to cleaning at all, I knew you would be surprised. I was the one surprised when you walked in a few minutes later.
Now the house is filled up and I am laughing again. You are here to make me feel safe and make me feel better. You’ve cooked a wonderful dinner and made me feel like I was going to be ok. I know I just have a cold, a bad cold but just a cold, and it was just one day that I was here alone, but it was hard. We have been together for so long and now it feels like we are almost one person in two bodies. It almost hurts to be apart.