It is late and I am up Googling whether or not I can mix ibuprofen and theraflu nighttime medicine because I am still sick and on top of that I have a nasty migraine. Ibuprophen works on my headache, theraflu works on my cold, or flu, or whatever it is.
The whole time I am doing this I think about how healthy I have been since I realized I was sick. I have been drinking plenty of fluids and getting my vitamins and eating only healthy food and still, this has gone on for over a week. Then I realize, I am a smoker, and smokers get sick more easily and stay sick much longer than non-smokers. Now I am kicking myself for not quitting sooner because now I believe that is why I am suffering so badly right now.
I can’t stop coughing. All day and all night I cough, and cough, and cough. A nasty dry cough that does nothing but further irritate my my throat and threaten to make the contents of my stomach come back up. The cough is exhausting and the most likely source of the migraine I am experiencing right now. The cough and the exhaustion and the nausea are almost more than I can handle. I almost collapsed into a pile of tears on multiple occasions today. The worst part is it doesn’t seem to be getting any better.
I haven’t had a cigarette since last Thursday, when things started to get really bad. The last one I had made my throat feel horrible and that is really when the cough started. I couldn’t smoke after that but the cough got worse. Today, just four days later, the idea of smoking sounds really disgusting. I smelled a cigarette today and wanted to puke!
The point is, maybe, just maybe, there can be a silver lining here. Maybe, just maybe, I can finally quit smoking for good! I keep thinking about the quote from Yoda saying “Do or do not… There is no try”. There is no “trying” to quit smoking, which is what I used to say in the past. There is just quitting! It’s not that I want to quit smoking, I have to quit smoking. I feel like there just is no choice now, I just can’t smoke anymore. I am going to want to and I am going to crave it bad but I just CAN’T!
So I’m doing it again, I am quitting for the final time. I am done because I want to be healthy! I am getting older and I want to LIVE. Cigarettes are just killing me slowly and I need to stop before it’s too late, if it isn”t already. If I don’t, this cough that I hate so much right now, will one day be something I deal with for the rest of my life. I do not want to live like that! So I am done.
There is no try.