I needed someone to let me know it’s ok to make mistakes. I know that I mess up. I make more than my fair share of mistakes but everyday I try to be better. Sometimes, even when I am wrong, I want for someone to just tell me it’s ok. I want someone to say that they see me trying and it is all forgiven and forgotten. It seems like I only ever get yelled at and reminded about how much I mess up. We all make mistakes but it seems like mine pile up on top of one another until I feel like I’ll be crushed under the weight of it all.
I needed for people to let go of their own feelings and hear my side of it. I try to tell people about how I feel but they only take it personally and get defensive. I am often told why I shouldn’t feel the way I do or what I should’t have done in the forst place that madde the other person do whatever it was that made me feel whatever I do. If I had only not said that or done that or given that look then everything would be fine. I wish someone would just hug me and say they understand and they see that I am hurting.
More than anything, I needed to get away! I wish I could find a place where I could be alone and be sad.I am always somewhere where it is inapproriate to feel things. I need time to feel and express my emotions and I need to do it away from other people who may judge me. I need a place where I can let it all out! I need a place to sob and cry and I also need a place for anger and screaming. I imagine a sort of cave, out away from civilization, and place in nature, where I can be both good and bad. Only out there in nature there is no good or bad, I would just be who I am and there would be no one to tell me to be different.
I guess we all need these things sometimes. I think maybe I just had a bad day today and everything has gotten to me. I hope maybe tomorrow will be better and I won’t need quite so much.