Morning Lisa Sucks

I’m not very good at mornings, never have been. Over the years I have tried to improve my morning mood and routine but nothing ever sticks for very long. That is mainly because the Lisa who wakes up in the morning is not me. The Lisa who wakes up in the morning sucks.

I am Productive Lisa, the Lisa the world sees. I like to accomplishing things. I have goals and plans. And I would like it very much if Morning Lisa would get her shit together so I can get shit done!

Unfortunately Morning Lisa gives zero fucks about what I want. And there is no reasoning with Morning Lisa.

I’ve tried asking her to wake up when the alarm goes off instead of hitting snooze 3 or 4 times. I have asked her to please stop checking Twitter and Tumblr before she hops in the shower. And I have asked her to please stop being so picky about her clothing choices and just put on something and get her ass out the door.

She promises that she will do better…but she never does. I have accepted that I am stuck with Morning Lisa and must plan accordingly.

I have begun putting all items in my pockets that are needed for the next day into my backpack the night before. Items like my wallet, keys, headphones, chapstick, they all go into the bag. Things that cannot go into the bag right away, iPad, phone, glasses, these item ALWAYS go in the night stand. This way Morning Lisa doesn’t have to tear around the house in a slowly building rage looking for this stuff. Or forgetting it completely.

I also have to wash any dishes Morning Lisa might need for her breakfast and pack up her lunch. I also try to at least have an idea of what Morning Lisa might want to wear and at most I set out a few outfit options for her to choose from. Then I try to go to bed at a decent hour so that Morning Lisa has the best chance at a decent nights sleep.

Last but not least I plan out Morning Lisa’s access to caffeine. I prep the coffee pot at home, give her a few dollars to stop at a Starbucks (a reward for the mornings when she manages to leave the house on time), and keep a Redbull in the fridge for the really bad mornings.

Caffeine is very important! Morning Lisa needs it to jolt her awake and get her moving and I need it for writing. Caffeine is at the top of the priority list. If Morning Lisa is running late and has to choose between takibg a shower and getting coffee, she has been instructed to choose coffee.

So that is how I prepare for the day. In the morning there is no routine. There is only “try to wash and dress yourself, get some caffeine in you, and get to work as soon as possible”. And I pray “as soon as possible” is before 6:30 AM. I do the best I can while stumbling around, trying to control my anger at having been woken up for something so stupid as “having to go to work”.

Usually by 10 AM I am better.

This post is in response to a Prompt from the team over at It’s sort of a contest thing so if you like this please consider heading over there to like my post. Thanks :)


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