Monday Motivation – Two Fingers

It’s Monday again and the time change has me feeling really groggy and out of it but I am doing my best. I am trying not to complain today since all that does it bring me down more, not to mention my fellow co-workers who are struggling just as much as me. Instead I am trying to find a place of peace but when I am tired like this I get emotional and this morning I feel a little down.

I keep thinking about my past and everything I have been through and feeling sad and sorry for myself. I am wishing I would’ve had a better life and that I could be farther ahead of where I am now. I am regretting things I did and didn’t do and getting angry about the ways in which I was hurt and taken advantage of. Thinking of my past makes me sad but I have found a song that, in the times I get down about where I come from, makes me feel hopeful about the future. It’s called Two Fingers by Jake Bugg.

This song speaks to me on many levels. Starting with the first verse:

I drink to remember, I smoke to forget
Some things to be proud of, some stuff to regret
Run down some dark alleys in my own head
Something is changing, changing, changing
I go back to Clifton to see my old friends
The best people I could ever have met
Skin up a fat one, hide from the Feds
Something is changing, changing, changing

I am reminded of a time when substance abuse was my primary means of escape. I don’t partake anymore but remember those days and miss them sometimes. I have a lot of regrets but I am proud of the fact that I have survived it all. I have a tendency to go down the dark paths in my own head but something has been changing for a long time now. I am past all that now and moving forward.

The chorus:

So I kiss goodbye to every little ounce of pain
Light a cigarette and wish the world away
I got out, I got out, I’m alive and I’m here to stay
So I hold two fingers up to yesterday
Light a cigarette and smoke it all away
I got out, I got out, I’m alive and I’m here to stay

This part is where I really get into it. I kiss goodbye to all my pain and sometimes even light a cigarette (although I technically quit). I sing aloud with the words “I got out, I got out, I’m alive and I’m here to stay!”. I hold two fingers up (in my mind) and say a “fuck you” to my past and all the people who hurt me.Ā I got out, I got out, I’m alive and I’m here to stay!

The second verse is shorter:

Down in the kitchen, drinking white lightning
He’s with my momma, yelling and fighting
It’s not the first time praying for silence
Something is changing, changing, changing

A scene out of my own childhood. My mother fighting with my father, and later with my step-father, and all the while me wishing for silence. I wished for silence then, and still do now, but “something is changing, changing, changing”. Now there is more peace, except for what is left in my head. The leftover stuff that comes up when I am tired and not as strong and fall back into dwelling inĀ the past.

Overall, the song is about overcoming a troubled past and getting through some mistakes you might have made. It’s about moving forward and being proud that you came out of it alive and able to move forward. It’s about throwing up “two fingers” to your past and saying “fuck you, you didn’t ruin me! I am here to STAY!”. If you’re like me and came from a tough background, listen to this and see if it doesn’t help. Listen to it whenever you need to remember that you are strong and you can move forward despite your past. Listen to it whenever you are feeling run down and defeated, throw this song on and throw two fingers up.

Lyrics via http://genius.com/Jake-bugg-two-fingers-lyrics

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Published by

Lisa

Hello! My name is Lisa. I find the human condition fascinating and I often write stuff about that. I blog at zenandpi.com but you can also find me on Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram, and if you like what I do, consider signing up for my newsletter. Thanks :)

One thought on “Monday Motivation – Two Fingers”

  1. What an amazing song! Thank you so much for sharing it with me. The chorus (the “I’m got out, I got out — I’m alive and I’m here to stay” part is going to be one of my new mantras. Also, a powerful music video overall. Domestic violence always just punches me in the gut.

    Like

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