The Complex and Fragile Relationship of Mother and Daughter – Pt. II

9 thoughts on “The Complex and Fragile Relationship of Mother and Daughter – Pt. II”

  1. I think real love is when we can love someone, warts and all. When we can spontaneously forgive without forgetting, but be willing and eager to have that person still be a part of our lives. I’m sorry for what your childhood lacked, and I’m glad you had a chance to be part of a loving family with your cousins and aunts, and that now you and your mom are able to heal and have a good relationship going forward. I don’t think that the PERFECT mommy-daughter relationship exists, any more than I believe it of fathers and sons. At least not in childhood. We parents – most of us – just do the best we can. We beat ourselves up for falling short of what our own parents were for us; we swear never to be like our own parents. Sometimes we do both in the same breath. I only wish my kids had a mother as good as mine. :) But I’m so very glad they’re a part of my life.

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    1. Thank you. I feel like my love for my mother is deeper now that I truly understand that she did the best she could in a really tough situation. I realized that I couldn’t say that in her same circumstances I could’ve done much better. Both my parents wanted to be better than their own were to them and I think they accomplished that. If I ever have kids I hope to be better too, but that does not mean I will be perfect either.

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      1. And that understanding – that you can try your best and be a flawed human being and screw up royally from time to time, and still have a child who turns out to be reasonably healthy, happy, and good to those around them – that’s majorly comforting in the darkest hours of motherhood. Consider it a gift from your parents to you. The unrealistic expectations you might’ve had, had you truly believed your parents walked on water, would leave you eternally certain you were an utter failure at all that matters in life.

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    1. Lol no it was not easy and I am still afraid it wasn’t the right thing to do. I felt it was important to share it though because there are other’s like me who have complicated feelings about their parents. I want people like me to be able to speak out on Mother’s (and Father’s) Day too :)

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  2. I’m glad you wrote your stories and how wonderful that you can start knowing your mother now that you are both adults. It sounds like you had it rough, but it sounds like your whole family struggled and having your first kid at 18… As you get older I’m guessing your empathy for adult situations is growing. It doesn’t sound like your mom was evil (mine was), just over-whelmed. Nicely, poignantly written (both parts).

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    1. Thank you. I read your post as well and I think it’s important for us all to be honest about our who our mothers are/were. I’ll probably do another post on the reasons why I believe that but I’ll just say it’s important. Mother’s day (and Father’s Day for that matter) can be hard for people who are from broken or less than ideal families. We should have our say too and then we can choose whether to love our parents after facing the honest assessment of their parenting and how that has affected us. Thanks again!

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  3. What a wonderful story – your mother said sorry, and you forgave her.
    Some mothers can’t face up to their flaws and mistakes and refuse to accept they were wrong, and many children can’t forgive. I think it’s important we all recognise that no one is perfect.
    Your reflective nature has allowed you to grow and become a better person than someone who held onto anger, and that’s quite an achievement. Well done.

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