It’s been days since I put together anything more than a few sentences and every one of those days I told myself I would try again, and then I didn’t.
Instead I cleaned the dishes, I went for a run with the dog, I watered the plants, I did everything except type more than a few sentences.
Sitting here trying to think of something to say and drawing a blank makes me feel like a failure. It shouldn’t be this hard should it? I feel like I thought I was something I wasn’t and the truth has been quite disappointing.
I’m no writer, and worse I am a procrastinator. This makes me want to write even less. I mean, why even bother?
Then again maybe being a bad writer is better than not being a writer at all? Maybe I should sit down everyday and type up a nice steaming pile of shit to post? It’s better than nothing right? Right?
So here I am, on the first day of my new goal, I am calling “For fuck’s sake Lisa, just write something, even if it’s crap!”. I think so far I am doing well because this definitely feels like crap.
Maybe if I write crap every day it will become a little less crappy, or at least I will learn to enjoy it again without focusing on the crappiness of it all. We shall see, but for now, I am just trying to put together more than a few sentences.