Hello and happy Monday to you all! I know, I know, no one likes Mondays. No one likes to leave the freedom and comfort of the weekend behind to be thrust unprepared into the monotony and boredom of the work week. But life is short and to spend our whole lives hating one entire day of the week seems like a big waste of what little time we have on this Earth. Let’s try to think about Monday’s a little differently, shall we?
I say Mondays are a time for new beginnings. I say Mondays are full of new possibilities and an exciting chance to do it all over again, and this time, get it right.
My Monday isn’t a particularly exciting or eventful one. I am grateful for the lower temps we’ll be seeing today, low 80s rather than upper 90s. The heat has been brutal here. So much so we’ve had roads buckling from the heat. Tomorrow we’ll be back to the usual summer heat so today I plan to leave work a bit early and get out with the dog to enjoy the cool breeze while I can.
People who truely love you will accept the change that happens in you.
My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 14 years now. That’s quite an accomplishment compared to the general public. It wasn’t easy. Maintaining it has at times been as easy as just existing together. The love came automatically, and the desire to be near one another and treat each other with compassion seemed to come naturally. At other times maintaining our relationship has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, harder than I ever thought it would be, harder than I thought it should be.
I would look back on all the sappy love stories I had read and watched and I wondered what was normal and what wasn’t.
We met when we were in our late teens, I was 17, she was 15 going on 16. We were young enough to have no idea that we weren’t yet the people we would become. We thought we had grown up, found love, and just had to coast to happily ever after from there. We thought we had already won the game of life. We were in for a very rude awakening.
The fights started two years in, just as we moved in together. We learned new things about one another, and new expectations were needed. I was clingy; she needed space. I was messy; she needed clean surfaces and organization. I was good at money management; she didn’t know how to fill out a check or open a checking account. We fought, made up, and tried our best to do what we thought grown ups did but no matter how hard we tried everything kept getting worse.
Things would get pretty bad before we would figure it out.
The trick is expectation adjustments and a willingness to accept that the person you love is going to change, in good, bad, and often surprising ways, continuously throughout your entire lives. Things will never be “what the used to” but they can still be good, always.
People forget that we never stop growing up. The growing is scary and causes us act in crazy and desperate ways. We try to force the other person into being the person they were, but whether we like it or not, the changes will happen anyway. They will happen with or without you and if you aren’t along for the ride, you may be asked to leave.
For us, I am now the organized one, and she has become messy. Now I am the spender, and she is in charge of the money. Now she has become the clingy one, and I need more space.
We never thought these, and other, changes would happen. We had to learn that the changes are good and true love means allowing the person you love to grow and change and experience life. The beauty of it is getting to be a part of it with them and them getting to be a part of your growing, changing, and experiencing life. It would be wrong to stifle that in each other. To do so would be to try to something away from them that is fundamental to being a human in this world. It would be a sin.
This week try to look at the people in your life who are important to you and get to know them again. Just a little bit. Ask them what is new. What new thing are they into? What new thing are they thinking about? What new thing do they want to do or make? What new thing have they learned or felt about life? Mark the ways they have changed since you met them and meditate on those changes. Think about the ways you have supported to those changes or the ways you have tried to stifle them and why. Then think about the ways you have changed and who has supported and stifled you. Thank the supporters, and talk to your stiflers. Ask them how they feel and why. Tell them how you feel and why too.
In this short and precious life, we need many things, two of which are to feel comfortable to be ourselves and to feel understood by the people we love. We cannot help but to grow and change with age, and we should not have to sacrifice our most basic emotional needs because of it.
We shouldn’t have that done to us, and we shouldn’t do it to the people we love.
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Featured image via Unsplash