Earn Your Friends

Hello, dear readers and happy Monday! I know I know, Mondays aren’t happy. Mondays are for being tired, and grouchy, and remembering all the things you don’t like about your life. Mondays are for wanting nothing more than to crawl back into bed and escaping the world.

But, let’s try something different. Let’s imagine that Mondays are the days when we get to start all over again. Let’s imagine all the bad things that happened last week don’t matter anymore and that we’ve been given a second chance to do it all again, and this time, we might even get it right.

From now on Monday’s are for making the changes we want to see in ourselves, and for thinking about the changes we want to see in the world. Monday’s are our new favorite days!

As for me, this Monday is an easy one. I am grateful for it too since I’m exhausted from all the birthday festivities this weekend. Luckily, my route isn’t running, and I have nothing to do. I plan to spend the day catching up on comments and emails I’ve had to ignore and all the writing I didn’t have time for over the last couple of days.

“I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don’t believe I deserved my friends.”

— Walt Whitman

I don’t have many enemies, not many I know if any way, but the ones I have I am sure I’ve earned. I try every day to be the best person I can be, some days I can do it, other days I fail. On those days I’m bossy, negative, condescending, and indifferent. I don’t like that version of me very much, and I can’t blame anyone else for not liking her either. I apologize when I can and hope I hurt will give me a second chance, but they owe me nothing. I accept that.

What I want to focus on now is earning my friends. I haven’t been doing that lately. I tell myself I’ve been busy, and that maybe they’ve been busy too. I tell myself I’ll see them later and assure myself they will understand. I take them for granted and keep them perpetually at the bottom of my priority list.

I don’t do this on purpose. I don’t do this because I want to be cruel to my friends. I don’t do it because I don’t care about them. I do it because I am careless, which is, of course, no excuse.

My friends don’t seem mad about it, but they do accuse me of not caring enough. They assume I don’t need them at all. They think I am only friends with them because it is convenient and I am sometimes bored. They don’t know that I miss them when they aren’t around, or that I haven’t quite been myself since all of our schedules have changed. I feel cut off from the world, I feel lonely, and I worry that the thing they accused me of is how they feel about me.

I have gotten a taste of my own medicine and it definitely stings a little bit.

I want to earn my friends again. I want them to know that I do need them and that they do matter very much to me. I want them to know that when we don’t talk it affects me. I want them to know that I will try harder and I hope they want to try harder too.

When you find people who have gotten to know you and still choose to put up with your crap, you should hold on to them. I don’t think many of us do enough to show our friends how much they matter. They may feel like family, but they might not always be there for you the way your family might. You have to earn them day after day, even if you never truly can, you have to try.

This week, tell your friends what they mean to you. Sit down with them over coffee, find out how they are doing, or buy them something nice. Lead by example and maybe everyone will feel a little more connected and appreciated.

***

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Featured image via Unsplash

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Lisa

Hello! My name is Lisa. I find the human condition fascinating and I often write stuff about that. I blog at zenandpi.com but you can also find me on Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram, and if you like what I do, consider signing up for my newsletter. Thanks :)

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