Welp, we’ve come to the end of another month, or, we did yesterday anyway. I’m running a little behind, forgive me, please. I’m glad this month is finally over, and even though it was rough, I still wanted to take a moment to share with you how I’m feeling, all the changes I have made, and everything I am looking forward to. Here is what I am currently:
Writing little stories I hope to turn into mini zines, but those are mostly for fun and just for me. On the serious side of things, I’m still plugging away at some poetry. Of course, I’m not plugging away as hard as I should be but I am already taking steps to encourage more motivation and focus. The plan is to submit a few to Platypus Press’s upcoming anthology in April.
Planning more blog posts. I haven’t been around much lately. I never really got back on track after the holidays. Then there was the political turmoil which I am still struggling to wrap my head around. Then there was work, and then anxiety, and then, and then, and then…It’s time I got back to it. No more excuses.
Making doctors appointments and more doctors appointments. I am hopeful I will find answers, and I am happy to suffer through any tortures the doctors recommend just to start feeling better. I want to be normal. I want to feel good again.
Anticipating…nothing at the moment. Lately, like many of you, I have been feeling a little hopeless. Part of it is my health and anxiety, part of it is our evil President, but some of it is also just the season. I get like this in the middle of every winter. I’ve been cooped up and cold for a long time now, and spring feels so far away. I’ll get better, no worries.
Reading nothing at the moment! I just finished both My Ántonia by Willa Cather and Daisy Miller by Henry James. I liked My Ántonia, but I didn’t care for Daisy Miller. It felt too much like a critique on American customs and freedom. I think I will return to Republic
by Plato until I can find something more interesting.
Feeling really crappy. I think I’ve talked enough about that, though. I’m also feeling loved too. My girlfriend has been so amazing. She’s supportive and encouraging and reassures me through every dreadful thought and panic. I tell her that I don’t know if I could have gotten this far without her and she still never takes credit. She tells me I am the strongest person she knows and I would be just fine.
Needing some time to just rest. There won’t be time for a proper vacation, the kind that lasts a week or more but spring break is coming, and even though I have to work some, we might be able to sneak a weekend trip in. I hope so anyway, I am in desperate need of a change of pace and scenery.
Loving Hollister jeans! I hate to endorse a company like this but damn these jeans fit good! Being a genderqueer woman with curves and no desire to accentuate them means struggling to find well-fitting clothes. Being a genderqueer woman who wants real pockets and a comfortable fit means struggling to find well-fitting clothes. Being a genderqueer woman who struggles to find men’s jeans that fit a woman’s body means these jeans have been like heaven.
Hating Donald Trump, still. I am trying not to hate because it’s a destructive emotion, but this guy has pushed me beyond self-control. I hate him. I hate seeing his stupid privileged face on TV. I hate hearing him lie through his stupid lips. I hate that he won and that so many people in the world are just like him. Fuck this guy.
Hoping that we can all find some way to stop this awful immigration ban. I hope we keep up the momentum. I hope we never give up. I hope the whole world stands with us and even if we have to suffer through the next four years entirely, I hope that we never make these mistakes again.
All in all, this month sucked and I have very little hope that February will be any better. I don’t mean for that to sound so sad. All the frustration and fear, they are big, but they are also vague and far away. I still have love, and hope, and happiness all around me.
If you like this post check out my weekly-ish newsletter on life, love, and suffering (:
The inspiration for this post comes from Andrea at Create.Share.Love.
Featured image via Unsplash