Currently // March 2017 or I’m Done with Waiting and Watching

March, that month of waiting between the harshness of winter and the hope of Spring, is finally over. I have no feeling one way or the other about March for me it’s simply a place of waiting and watching, and I’m happy to get on with doing.

April brings warmer weather and birthday celebrations around here. It’s a time of reflection for me but also of joy and pride. I have always been happy to be an April baby. April has always felt like the real beginning of the year. It’s when we all begin emerging into the world anew.

And here is what I am currently:

Writing about all the sad things happening all over the world for the A to Z challenge. I know this year’s theme is a bit of a sad one, but I hope it won’t discourage you from reading. I felt it necessary to deliberately look at what I try so hard to ignore. I felt it important to spread the word and help wake people up. I hope you’ll stop by throughout the month and check out what I have to share.

Planning a summer project. If you’ve been a reader for a while, you have probably heard me mention projects here and there that never seem to come to much. It’s okay, I’m awful at following through, I know. This summer I want to work on that. I’ve been thinking a lot about the difference between a to-do list and a plan. A plan is a road map. A plan isn’t just for the day, it’s for the week, the month, the year. I’m going to start practicing by coming up with a project, something with a deadline of the end of summer and finally learn how to follow through.

Making a new art journal from this tutorial! I made one before, but I didn’t follow through with it (are you sensing a pattern?) and now when I look at it all I see is the Art Journal of Failure, and I can’t start again. So, I’m starting a new one, and this one will be the Art Journal of Finishing the Things I Set Out to Do!

Anticipating a whole month of birthday activities! That’s right, around here people get a birthday month. It might sound excessive but I have a big family and lots of friends, and it takes a few dinners and nights out to make the rounds. And anyway, the day you entered the world should be the most important day of the year and celebrated by doing whatever you want for as long as you need. I need a whole month. There’s no guarantee I’ll get another, you know?

Reading Orlando by Virginia Woolf. Not exactly what I expected but I’m glad for that because what I found is infinitely more wonderful! I finished another reading of George Orwell’s 1984 which was colored very much by The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood, which I read previous to that.

Watching Samurai Jack‘s beautiful and brilliant return! I mentioned being excited about the return of one of my childhood favorite last month, but after watching it I am grateful to the creator, Genndy Tartakovsky, and Cartoon Network for giving the Jack, and the little girl in me the closure both deserve.

Feeling a little down, to be honest. My body is hanging in there, not 100% better but no anywhere near as bad as I was at the beginning of February. I’m still waiting for my medication to either start working or for confirmation from my doctor that it isn’t and we have to try something else. This whole thing has been pretty depressing. *sigh*

Needing a little direction. I’m doing things. I’m submitting some work. I’m reading, and I am definitely hungry and wanting for some small sliver of writing recognition, but I have o idea how to get there. How do you go from a blogging hobby to being a freelance writer making money and getting published by the big names? I know I’m still kind of a crap writer, but I need direction on that front too! Gah!

Loving my girlfriend. I know that is so cliché, but she really has been amazing these past few months. Sometimes I am so damn happy to be with her I feel guilty about it! Like, why me? What have I ever done to deserve such support and love? I don’t feel too guilty, though. We have worked so hard and been through so much to get here. I just everyone could have it too, that’s all.

Hating Donald-motherfucking-Trump. I am trying not to have to write his name in this space every month, but goddamn he is really taking over the hate chamber in my heart. The only thing keeping me going is that fact that a lot of the bad things he’s tried to do has failed but right now he’s working on trashing the environment and Obama’s legacy, and I can’t help but be filled with rage whenever I see his stupid face on TV. GAH!

Hoping that this medication I’m on starts working soon. I’ve been doing one of the few things my doctor told me not to do, reading a whole lot of ulcerative colitis horror stories online and worrying about having to take harsher medication or multiple types of harsh medication at once. I’m so afraid it will be years before I feel normal again, or never! But, like she said before I left her office, we are not at those stages yet. We are here trying this and hoping.

All in all, this month was a good, especially compared to the first two months of the year. My body is getting better, my mood is improving, slowly but surely, and I am looking forward to the future. The road is still rocky, and I am still having some bad days, but I feel safe and comfortable and able to do whatever I have to do to keep improving. Like I said, I am pretty lucky.

So, how about you? Was March good or bad to you? What are you looking forward to in April? Are you going to buy me a birthday gift? Let me know in the comments :)

***

If you like this post check out my weekly-ish newsletter for interesting reads + my own existential musings on life, love, and inevitable human suffering, or buy me a cup of coffee perhaps?

The inspiration for this post comes from Andrea at Create.Share.Love.

Featured image via Unsplash

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Lisa

Hello! My name is Lisa. I find the human condition fascinating and I often write stuff about that. I blog at zenandpi.com but you can also find me on Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram, and if you like what I do, consider signing up for my newsletter. Thanks :)

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