If We Were Having Coffee // I Haven’t Been Trying My Best

Hello, dear readers and happy Sunday to you all! Thank you for stopping by for a bit of coffee and conversation. I know it’s been a couple of weeks since we sat down together. June turned out to be a busier month than I had anticipated and I was in no way prepared to keep up here and take care of my other obligations. I hope you will understand once I explain.

“One day you’ll wake up at 11:30 AM on a Sunday with the love of your life and you’ll make some coffee and everything will be alright.”

eyecont4ct

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that these past few weeks have not been good for writing. Part of it was because I was so busy, part of it was because I was so tired, but the rest of it was me not focusing on what’s important.

I had time to write, but I played games on my phone and messed around on Twitter and Facebook instead. The more I wasted time the worst I felt and then I wasted even more time. I couldn’t start again because I couldn’t let go of my disappointment and self-doubt. I didn’t try my best.

I don’t want to be too hard on myself, but I want to recognize where I have been making mistakes. Change has to start with acknowledgment and then a plan. The first thing I have to do is delete games from my phone. I had done this before, and it was a mistake to think I could put them back on and act any differently than I have in the past. I get addicted, and I can’t stop so I can’t have them.

This week I want to begin again and do it without over thinking or worrying about what people think. I need to get back to writing because it is fun and because it feels good, not because I want something back from it. I have to go back to the beginning again and move forward only when my confidence is back.

I’m hoping that means you’ll see more of me here again.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that Pride month is about to come to a close and as usual I don’t feel like I celebrated nearly as much as I wanted to. I had hoped for a whole weekend of partying pretty much, but my friends sucked this time around, and nearly everyone had to back out of the festivities. We made the best of it, and with only four of us we went out for one night of drinks and dancing and had more fun than I thought we would, I’ll admit.

Denver’s Pridefest fell on the 18th, the same day as father’s day, which means we were doing double duty. My girlfriend and I weren’t awake in time for the parade, due to the night of drinks and dancing, but that’s okay, as my friend said, “If you’ve seen one pride parade you’ve seen them all.” We did end up with an almost too good to be true parking space and enjoyed a turkey leg, some ice cream, and lots of sun and fresh air together. It was a good day.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I wasn’t able to see my own father for Father’s day because he had to work, but we did my girlfriends father. I’m glad we did since the rest of her family is off on vacation and he’s been left at home alone. We made burgers and hot dogs, corn, and jalapeno peppers for dinner. We listened while he told us stories about his family and himself growing up. He rarely talks about himself, so my girlfriend was grateful for the time with him and his willingness to open up that day.

I had hoped to see him again this weekend. I hate that he is all alone in her parent’s house with no one to talk to but the dog and the cat. Then again, for all, I know he is enjoying the peace and quiet. Anyway, we’ll have to shoot for next weekend. We were just too tired. We have been recovering from a bit of sleep deprivation and a lot of stress.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that after our father’s day dinner we had to shoot directly back across town to my mother’s house because my sister and her two children had just arrived from Texas for a week-long visit.

From that night on we didn’t get to bed before 11 PM and we still had to work the next day too. Actually, my girlfriend did most of the working, I took off a few days to take care of myself and our house which was severely neglected and still needs tons more attention to feel livable again.

It was a good week tough, I just wish we’d had more notice before her visit so it could have been even better. We went to dinner, we spent time at my mother’s house catching up and playing board games, and we even got tattooed together! We got each got a series of four triangles placed in a row with the one corresponding to our birth order shaded in, for example, I’m the oldest, so the first triangle in my series is filled in, the other three are simple outlines. We even found a way to include our significant others with my and my brother’s girlfriend having the same triangles but shaded in with a tiny heart to represent who they are with. They all turned out perfect.

My sister left Saturday morning and I already miss her and the kids so much. I can’t wait for them to visit again, or maybe I’ll make some time to go see them instead. I’ve never been to Texas after all.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I did take a bit of a break from visiting to have a date night with my girlfriend. If you have been reading this blog for a while, you might have noticed that we enjoy going to the movies very much. It’s been our preferred date night activity since we met as teenagers and for fifteen years we’ve gone to the movie theater just about monthly on average, but there was one movie event we’d wanted to attend but missed every year, Film on the Rocks.

Film on the Rocks is a series of films shown at Colorado’s beautiful Red Rocks Amphitheatre, a natural rock formation turned world-famous concert venue. If you’ve never been here, there really is nothing like it, and I am ashamed I haven’t found more ways to attend events there. In the evening if you are in the right seats you can see both the stars and the city of Denver and surrounding suburbs and counties for miles. It’s beautiful.

This year they were showing The Fifth Element on a day that worked out with my schedule. We packed up Monday afternoon and made the long drive up in the intense summer heat. We sat through a few bands and a comedian that we’re exactly to our tastes and waited for the sun to drop below the horizon. At dusk, the film began, and it was an amazing experience to watch the classic surrounded by the earth and other people who enjoyed film enough to stay out til midnight on a Monday seeing it.

I can’t wait to see what they will be showing next summer.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the time has flown by much too quickly and sadly I have to go. We are planning on heading to Denver Flea today, a huge pop-up event where local business and small breweries come together to sell their awesome stuff. It’s a good time to get gift shopping in and find new makers to support. After that I still have a lot more work to do around the house, and a lot more sleeping to do before work tomorrow.

I hope you had an awesome couple of weeks since we last spoke and I hope your weekend was a relaxing one. Take care of yourself okay? Try to get outside if you can and drink plenty of water too.

Until next time…

***

If you like this post check out my weekly-ish newsletter for inspiring reads + existential musings on life, love, and inevitable human suffering. Or help support what I do by sharing a cup of coffee.

Written for the weekly Weekend Coffee Share link up hosted by Nerd in the Brain

Featured image via Unsplash

Advertisements

Published by

Lisa

Hello! My name is Lisa. I find the human condition fascinating and I often write stuff about that. I blog at zenandpi.com but you can also find me on Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram, and if you like what I do, consider signing up for my newsletter. Thanks :)

4 thoughts on “If We Were Having Coffee // I Haven’t Been Trying My Best”

  1. Hey Lisa, thanks for the coffee and catch up. Your honesty when you said, “I had time to write, but I played games on my phone and messed around on Twitter and Facebook instead.” was so refreshing. This was MO for months before I started writing and publishing posts on my blog at the beginning of June. It’s crazy but the more time you are away from it, the easier it becomes to stay away and the worse you feel. Happy you started again. Looking forward to reading.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! The longer I stayed away, the easier it was to make more excuses about why I couldn’t get back to it. I kept saying tomorrow and next week and eventually I had to put my foot down with myself and say “No! We are starting today!” I’m glad you were able to start again too :)

      Liked by 1 person

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s