If We Were Having Coffee // A New Normal to Get Used To

Hello dear readers. Welcome, happy Sunday, and thank you for stopping by for a bit of coffee and catching up. I’m in my usual Sunday panic dashing around the house trying to get everything ready for the work week and feeling guilty that more time won’t be spent enjoying what time I get to myself.

It’s like the weekend is all of Friday night and Saturday and Sundays are just pre-work days. Your body may get to be home, but your mind is on tomorrow and already feeling the first twinges of anxiety and longing for your next day off. Sigh, at least the sun is shining, and you are here, and there is coffee to brighten the mood, yes?

“Coffee is a lot more than just a drink; it’s something happening. Not as in hip, but like an event, a place to be, but not like a location, but like somewhere within yourself. It gives you time, but not actual hours or minutes, but a chance to be, like be yourself, and have a second cup”

― Gertrude Stein, Selected Writings

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that last week was my first back to work since Spring Break and of course, as always, I was thrown into some last-minute, and extensive, schedule changes. We ended up having a class of new employees start, and I ended up working overtime to train them. I’m wasn’t at all happy about it either. I was feeling grouchy and down, worried and restless the whole week.

It wasn’t a particularly large class or difficult compared to any in the past, I just wasn’t feeling all that great, and I had so much else I would rather have been doing. I think the unstable weather contributed to my bad mood too. We’d have days that felt like summer was just around the corner, plenty of sunshine and temperatures in the 70s, and some days we were plunged back into winter with snow and temperatures near freezing. It’s exhausting.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I had a hard conversation with my doctor. My health has been declining again, and I think she’s a little peeved at me for not listening to her nearly a year ago and switching my medications. It’s hard though when you are teetering between “not quite what you were but feeling okay” and “extreme fatigue, pain, and a host of other alarming symptoms.” It’s hard to know when what you are doing isn’t working when you don’t know what your new normal is, you know?

So, now I will have some new medication, new side effects to watch for, and a new normal to get used to. I’m so thankful for the support and understanding of my fiance, my family, and my friends. I’m thankful for their willingness to listen, to check in on me, and to make me do all the things I don’t want to do. I’m thankful they are willing to put up with my whining and my frustration. They are more patient with me than I am with myself.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this week I had a scare. I almost lost someone who means a lot to me, and who I had been taking for granted for too long.

My grandmother was rushed to the hospital early last week with chest pain they found was caused by a tear in an artery. She endured some 6 or 8 hours of open heart surgery and came out ready to begin her recovery. I went to visit her and was so inspired by her resilience and her sense of humor and love for me. She asked me to come around more and to get her pictures of my girlfriend and I, and I promised her I would.

I realized that she is where I come from and she holds a ton of knowledge about my past and my family. She holds all the secrets and stories. I found myself panicked worrying that if I were to lose her, I would lose the answers to so many questions I haven’t had the chance or the courage to ask.

***

If we were having coffee I would tell you that because of work, and my health, and my moods, and my panic, I fell behind on my A to Z posts, but I’m very close to catching up.

I know that most people write their posts well in advance of the challenge, but I had been hoping to cultivate a daily blogging habit starting with this challenge. I thought beginning with a theme and having at least an idea for each post might help. It might also help if I wasn’t so wordy and long-winded. Hopefully, that will get better with time.

I have worked out a few kinks and settled into a flow, and I have learned how to write first and edit later, though it is a lesson I have to keep learning again and again. I’m writing every day and scheduling my posts for the next. That doesn’t feel too much like cheating.

Unfortunately, any hope I had of an easier week to write in have already been dashed though I still think I’ll be able to keep the overtime in check. I may fall behind a few times before the end of this month, but I am not for a second entertaining the idea of giving up.

***

If we were having coffee I would tell you the best news of all, this week is my birthday week! And this birthday is an extra special one, this year my birthday falls on a Friday. This year my birthday falls on a Friday the 13th. I’ve been waiting so many years for this one, and I’ve decided to get a new tattoo to mark the occasion.

Many of the tattoo shops around me do Friday the 13th tattoo specials in which you choose a pre-drawn piece of flash to adorn your body with for only $13 (or $31, or $62, or some other flat rate). I have a tattoo or two I’ve gotten spontaneously on a Friday the 13th just for the fun of it, and this year won’t be any different. I’ve already scouted the offerings from some local shops, and I think I’ve settled on one that feels right.

As for the rest of my plans, We’ll go out to lunch, we’ll cook a special dinner at home. I’m hoping for crab legs and a good bottle of wine. A close friend’s birthday falls the next day so Saturday will be the night for hard partying and Sunday will be spent in recovery. I can’t wait to tell you all about it.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the day is wearing on and I have at least two more posts to write before the day ends, plus laundry and dinner, not to mention the afternoon nap I hope to squeeze in.

Thank you again for stopping by. I was in greater need of the caffeine and conversation than I knew. I hope your week was productive and your weekend peaceful. I hope Spring has found you wherever you are, and you have found time to enjoy some sun.

Until next time.

***

Thanks for reading! If you like this post check out my weekly-ish newsletter for inspiring reads + existential musings on life, love, and inevitable human suffering. Or help support what I do by sharing a cup of coffee.

Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli

Photo by Izzy Rivi on Unsplash

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Lisa

Hello! I'm an aspiring writer fascinated by the human condition. I blog at zenandpi.com but you can also find me on Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram. Consider signing up for my newsletter or supporting what I do by sharing a cup of virtual coffee. Thanks :)

One thought on “If We Were Having Coffee // A New Normal to Get Used To”

  1. Lovely post. It felt like I actually was having a conversation with you! But more than that I realise that you indeed have an hectic schedule! So many things to do in a week. All the best 😊

    Liked by 1 person

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