If We Were Having Coffee // I Feel Like Myself Again!

Hello dear readers. Happy Sunday, welcome, and thank you for stopping by for a bit of coffee and conversation. I apologize for my late afternoon arrival and the late afternoon heat, but at least I have some cold-brew to offer–more caffeine and no need to water it down with ice—to keep us cool. There is a breeze coming through the windows and clouds that give me hope of a cooler evening than the last.

So, come on in! Don’t mind the dog, she’s a bit nutty, and make yourself at home. Tell me all about your week, and I’ll tell you all about mine too.

“I don’t drink coffee to wake up. I wake up to drink coffee.”

@deathwishcoffee

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that last Tuesday I went for my first infusion and I am happy to report not only that it went very well but that it seems to have worked. No, not “seemed,” it has definitely worked! I feel like a miracle has been performed. Like a curse was lifted from me. Like I have come back from something very dark and terrifying to find sunshine and my old self still intact and the promise of happily ever after all around me. I feel like I just lived through a fairy tale.

Just over a week ago I was living on bone broth, Gatorade, and sleep. I was miserable, weak, tired, and terrified. I was missing work and missing out on my life, and now? Less than one week later, I am waking up early, going for runs with the dog, cleaning the house, writing again, and smiling! I am making jokes and feeling optimistic. I haven’t cried in days. I’m eating real food and getting out of the house. I feel like myself again.

That isn’t to say I’m back 100%. For some reason every day since my infusion I have needed a good two-hour nap in the middle of the afternoon. I am assuming my body is healing from all the damage caused by the inflammation and ulcers. I also still have a lot of joint pain and a lot of anxiety.

I’m worried that my symptoms will start coming back before my next infusion two weeks from now. I’m worried that I will start to see some side effects soon too. I’m worried the medicine will stop working at all tomorrow, a month, a year from now and I’ll be back at square one ad miserable. I’m worried I’ll be one of the 25ish% of ulcerative colitis sufferers that will eventually require surgery and all this will have been a waste of time and money.

I am doing my best not to think about any of that. I’m keeping my spirits up by being active, getting back into the things I wanted to be doing all this time, and helping others in need of hope in my support groups. I’m still hanging in there and taking it day by day.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that my poor fiancé, after taking care of me for the past month has come down with a very nasty summer cold. That means I get to jump right in returning the favor!

To add to her misery, she’s been super stressed about work too. The workload has always been a bit overwhelming, but nearly every day this week she was hit with gut-wrenching anxiety about her future there.

She’s always been very good at what she does but what she does is not exactly what she would like to be doing. Unfortunately, everyone knows how smart and hardworking she is, and her bosses won’t let her slack. There is a chance that very soon she will be asked to apply for a huge promotion and her stomach has been in knots trying to decide how she will reply.

I’ve been helping her work on her stress levels, but I’ve never been very good at managing that myself. I’m encouraging her to take walks during the day. To work on her creative hobbies and to count her breaths when she feels especially nervous or anxious. I want to look into meditation, for the both of us, but that is all I have.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you I’m in need of a little help here. Drop some anti-stress tip in the comments if you have them, please.

***

If we were having coffee I would tell you that I am catching up on all kinds of writing and reading, podcast listening, black-out poetry making, and collage art creativity.

I’ve decided to take all on this coming week off of work to sit in my creativity room and just do things. I have all my screen strategically placed. I have my piles of papers and cutouts, and some new inspiration. I have alarms set to get me up, and places to go if I should need a change of scenery. I have my playlists and my to-do lists at hand, and I have a lot more cold-brew coffee premade and ready to keep me going.

I’m not promising to accomplish anything good accomplished. I’m just pledging that I will treat writing and creativity like a real job. Like a commitment I made and now have to really start following through on. More than that, I want to have fun! I want to take a week to pretend I’m not an “aspiring writer with a day job.” For a week I’m going to pretend I am just a writer who writes every day, and that’s all.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that as much as I am enjoying our conversation, I had better be off. The sun has shifted to the west windows, and I hear thunder rolling from far away. Even though this weekend is a long one, I suddenly feel the need to prepare for the week. The house needs work, and my wife-to-be probably needs another dose of medication and a cup of tea.

I hope you had a wonderful week and I hope your weekend is long, sunny, relaxing, and fun. Memorial day is considered the unofficial start of the summer, so be safe, and remember the real meaning of the holiday and all those who made the ultimate sacrifice for their country.

Until next time.

***

Thanks for reading! If you like this post check out my weekly-ish newsletter for inspiring reads + existential musings on life, love, and inevitable human suffering. Or help support what I do by sharing a cup of virtual coffee.

Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli

Photo by Goran Ivos on Unsplash

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Published by

Lisa

Hello! My name is Lisa. I find the human condition fascinating and I often write stuff about that. I blog at zenandpi.com but you can also find me on Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram, and if you like what I do, consider signing up for my newsletter. Thanks :)

6 thoughts on “If We Were Having Coffee // I Feel Like Myself Again!”

  1. The only things I can think of is don’t actually drink coffee. Coffee and anxieties do not go together very well. You are probably finding though with the infusions that not having coffee is making a difference. I highly recommend a herbal tea instead. Even if you feel good, do not drink coffee unless you are not going out anywhere. The other thing that works for me are funny videos, or things that really make you honestly laugh. I find as well as you probably have, that taking the dog for a walk is fantastic, it gets everything moving! I call my dog my unofficial therapy, and hug your dog whenever you want…That’s what they’re there for! Sometimes I find as well, just looking at my dog calms me as well, it might seem a little creepy to you though,lol

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The best way for me to relieve stress is to go to a Zumba class. I discovered these dance fitness classes 2 years ago and I love them! They are perfect for me as I love dancing.

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  3. Hi Lisa,
    I wish there were words to fully comfort & even heal the remaining issues you’re facing – cuz I’d be saying them right here & now.

    I think your progress has been great but I’ll hold out for your fast & compete healing.

    If laughter would help, I’ve had some great feedback that some if my efforts to do this worked. While it would make my day for you to sample some, I’d greatly prefer to get you smiling or laughing.

    Hang in there & please keep us posted.

    Like

  4. Lisa, all the best with your efforts to de-stress. I really love photography and I totally lose myself looking through the lens and it also helps me appreciate all the good in this world, even when I do choose to focus on the bad. I also try to walk and slow down my breathing. I would imagine that a lot of these things add up and ultimately help make a difference. I also think getting on with something is important and avoidance only makes things worse. That said, avoidance is a wonderful friend.
    I hope the week goes well for you both.
    Best wishes,
    Rowena

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi Lisa, an old friend said to me: accept what is going on presently. Accept and say: Alright, thanks! Say to all things that currently happen in your life: Alright, thanks!
    First I tought: he is totally crazy!
    But I tried it out, because it couldn’t get worse.
    It was strange, I had never before tried to accept the bad things in my life. It was like an awakening.
    Later he gave me the add: Enjoy this situation. Enjoy all your feelings that you have in it.
    I know that sounds probably unusually for you. But for me this tiny mantra is my magic formula. It really works! It works, because we give up to fight against something. If we give up fighting we get a new focus of some things in our life.

    Liked by 1 person

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