Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday, welcome, and thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up. I’m moving slow today but I’m trying, my mood isn’t great though. I woke up later than I meant to and there are more things to do than there are hours to do them in.
I attempted to make breakfast but the eggs were too runny and the bacon too burnt. I fried some tortillas but they came out too hard and the avocados had gone bad. Nothing is going right but then again, I haven’t had near my usual amount of caffeine, so there is still hope.
So pull up a chair and fill up a cup. We’ve got new screens on the windows and a fresh batch of cold brew to combat the oncoming heat. Let’s talk about last week.
If we were having coffee, I would tell that this past week wasn’t a very good one. I struggled to get to up and get to work every single day and didn’t once make it in on time. I wasn’t able to get up for my morning jog at all and writing was slow. I was easily distracted and exhausted.
Nearly every day as soon as I came home I fell asleep without intending to. I would feel an intense need to just sit down or rest for a moment and next thing I knew I’d be waking up anywhere from half an hour to two hours later. A lot of time was lost to fatigue and heat exhaustion.
And the heat! Oh my god, I used to love summer but this one has been absolutely suffocating. I miss the days where, sure, you had to suffer through a couple of hours in the afternoon but then you could head downtown, or to a friends backyard, and enjoy a good meal and a beer or two. Now the 90+ degree temperatures are holding well past 8 and 9:00 at night. There has been quite a few nights that I have gone to bed at almost 11:00 and it is still uncomfortably hot out.
It’s too hot to do anything and that is the only thing that set summer above winter. The amusement parks, the festivals, the events and gatherings, the warm nights out with friends and strangers alike just enjoying our state, our shared interests, and shaking off the stress of the day, that is what I loved about this season. Now we’re miserable outside as well as inside.
I’m ready for fall, and I have never in my life said that before. I’m afraid for the real heat that will come in August and I’m terrified of future summers. Our little swamp cooler used to be enough to get is through the worst of it but well be saving up to get central air—which is much worse for the environment—just so that I can live and sleep comfortably.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I have been a huge ball of anxiety lately. I mentioned last week that it’s time for our annual bidding for routes and hours at work.
For my new readers I work on a school bus, not as a driver, but as an assistant who rides along with the kids, primarily the Special Needs kids, to make sure they have a safe and happy ride. Where I work we bid our routes based on seniority and the drivers bid the routes first. There is one particular driver I prefer to work with so I stress doubly every summer over whether or not she will get the route we want first, and then whether or not I will get the route the following week when I bid.
Last week I was able to relax a little after my driver was awarded the route we wanted. Now I only have to stress for five more days until I find out if I got the same this Friday. I’m not supposed to let myself worry too much about anything but this time of year makes it really hard to stay calm.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I made a few mistakes at work and I feel super embarrassed and down about it. Friday, during the driver’s bid, I was tasked with setting up training and testing times for individual driver’s who needed it. From the start, I misunderstood which drivers I was supposed to focus on and I missed some who needed to be scheduled. Then I scheduled them all a week earlier than I was supposed to, messing up not just my coworkers coming work week, but my own in which I planned not to work very much at all.
I’m sure it will all be okay, but I’m not used to making mistakes at work. I pride myself on being perfect and enjoy the respect and freedom I’m afforded because I make such an effort. My boss has already told me it’s okay, but I can’t shake the feeling of failure and disappointment.
This coming week will be a busy one, at first, but I’m actually looking forward to it. I haven’t been busy all summer and I’ve missed the structure of a proper work day.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that there is more to my life than work. This week my little sister and her kids will be here in Denver for seven days. I can’t even begin to express how excited I am to see them and how sad I already am that they will have to leave again at all.
I’m not sure we have any real plans while they’re here but we are hoping the siblings—my two sisters, y brother, and me—can find tattoo shop to accommodate all four of us getting some ink on the same day. The tattoos are, I hope, turning into an annual tradition. Last year was our first with matching sibling tattoos. This year we are all getting something different though.
I’m hoping to get my knees done. I’m looking to get a butterfly, specifically the Colorado hairstreak butterfly, on one knee, and on the other, a moth, the achemon sphinx moth actually. I’d like both done in that traditional, old school tattoo style. It’s a unique tribute to my home state, with the hairstreak being our official state insect and the achemon found throughout the region.
I excited, but a little scared too. The knee area can be sensitive and tattoos in general hurt anyway. Wish me luck!
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that my stomach has started to growl reminding me that the afternoon is here and it’s time, not just for lunch, but to complete a few chores and get ready to run some errands and visit with family.
I hope you had a good week and that you’ve had a relaxing weekend. If it wasn’t I hope the next will be better. Try to stay cool and make sure to make time for the things you enjoy, the things you want to accomplish, and the things that make life worth living.
Until next time.
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It's easy to look at other bodies and imagine ourselves in them, living their lives, thinking their thoughts, being happy, healthy, and loved exactly the way that they are, but to look at our own and know that we are capable of the same within our own skin? Impossible, almost laughable! .
Others are deserving because of who they inherently are, and we are not because of who we inherently are, or so we tell ourselves. It may feel like your body was never meant for anything more than suffering, but the truth is, every body is built for both the good and the bad of life. Those other bodies, they have their own pain, same as you, and you are just as capable of your own happiness too. .
You can heal.
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Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli