Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday, welcome, and thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.
I’ve been up since just after dawn this morning, cooking breakfast and doing my best to get the house in order before we head out for a birthday dinner celebration tonight. I’ve been busy, but I’m tired too and everything is taking twice as long as it should. So, I’m late and I’m afraid I’ll have to rush through my coffee date with you. I’m sorry, but I’m happy to have any time at all!
So, pull up a chair and fill up a cup. The weather is warm, the coffee is good, and I don’t want to waste another minute on apologies and excuses. Let’s chat while I can!
“When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee”
— Helen Hayes
If we were having coffee, I would tell you, once again, last week was an incredibly busy week for me at work, but, I would also tell you that it will—hopefully!—be the last very busy week I have in a long time.
I’ve been able to get through my work in record time and that means going forward I will have a lot more time to devote to writing.
Next week I have my last two tests scheduled, and just a few small tasks, the rest of the time I plan to spend on my newsletter, which hasn’t come out in months and this blog which has been sorely neglected.
I know it’s hard to tell from your side of the screen but I do have some ideas I’m working on. I’m writing, but I’m jusnt not finishing anything. I’m writing, but I feel unsure of what I am saying. I have lost my sense of an audience. I have lost my intentions and confused my message with myself.
I’m considering creating a new space, a place to dump all of my angst and neurosis, my bad ideas, and my day-to-day comings and goings, observations, and struggles so that this space can once again be what I always intended it to be—a philosophy of life.
I’ll share more details soon.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that my anxiety has been really bad these last few days.
Most of it is simple social anxiety. We had been preparing for a Halloween house party at a close coworkers house and I’d had very little time to put together costumes or make a dish to bring, let alone to emotionally prepare for meeting people I didn’t know, or to hang out with people who I knew very well.
I have a weird habit of over analyzing my social interactions and placing far too much importance on every conversation, word, or gesture. I worry that I am always making a fool of myself and that when I leave people will talk about how weird or irritating I am.
I’m aware of how unnecessary all this worrying is, and I know that people find me generally enjoyable to be around but for some reason, I still can’t control these intrusive thoughts or make it stop. Instead, I just let my mind do its worrisome thing, but I don’t let it hold me back.
I still went to the party last night. I found a costume (my girlfriend and I went as hipster versions of little red riding hood and the wolf), I made a dish (an easy crockpot salsa verde chicken), and I had a good time. I may have laughed too much or too loud. I may have talked too much. I might have over shared and annoyed someone, but this morning it just doesn’t seem to matter anymore.
I had a great time and so did everyone else. That’s all that matters.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I didn’t even know where to begin to tell you how this past week’s news cycle has affected me. The world beyond my driveway has become significantly scarier and the news is getting harder and harder to watch.
I no longer trust our government to take care of its people. I no longer trust that America, while deeply flawed, is moving forward with good intentions. I no longer believe that the “arc of the moral universe is bent toward justice.” I believe it must be bent by the weight and strength of good people willing to do the work and those kinds of people seem to be in short supply anymore.
I may no longer believe but I still have a small hope. It’s fragile and in order to protect it, I’ve had to distance myself from the rolling news cycle on TV and online. Bad things are happening and we’re all entitled to a little time away—to process, to rest, and regroup when we are ready to fight again.
Make sure you take it when you need it too.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I’ve just about had my fill of Halloween fun. I know the trick-or-treaters will be around this Wednesday but the feeling of Halloween always seems to pass the Saturday before when festivities can be held with morning to recover after. I’ve watched plenty of creepy shows and watched all my favorite spooky films. I’ve been to haunted houses and a party. I’ve gorged myself on too much candy and soon I will hand out what treats I have left. Halloween is over, and surprisingly I’m not sad. I lived the season to its fullest and I am very much ready for the winter holidays.
I’m ready for everyone to start being a little more thankful and a whole lot kinder too. I’m for giving gifts, and, I’ll admit, receiving them too. I’m ready for richer flavors and savory spreads of meats and pies! I’ve even got the new year, and it’s celebrations and resolutions dancing around my mind. I’m ready to count down the end of 2018 and begin a new year of possibility.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the sun is shining low through the west windows and my stomach is grumbling. It’s time to get ready to go out for dinner.
I hope you had a good week. I hope the weather is as warm where you are as it is here and the trees are bursting with just as much color. I hope you aren’t feeling hopeless I hope you know it’s okay to rest your heart when you need. I hope you made time for you and that the next week will be even better than the last.
Until next time.
Thanks for reading! If you like this post check out my weekly-ish newsletter for inspiring reads + existential musings on life, love, and inevitable human suffering. Or help support what I do by sharing a virtual cup of coffee.
Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli
Photo available on Barn Images