183//365 — Halfway

I saw this morning’s @year_progress tweet, and the news hit me hard. The year, it seems, is already half over. Where did the time go? How could I waste so much of it? Did I waste it?

Sure, there were failures, but there were successes too. With a bit of courage, I’m sure the second half of the year can be even better than the first. I can start again, and all that has happened can happen over again, if I want it to. So, maybe nothing has really ended at all, only begun anew.

Same as any other day.

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I’m doing something new here. In addition to my regular blog post, I’m adding these journal entries. The goal is to post one every day hence the title of each will be the current day number out of 365. I was inspired to try this by Thord D. Hedengren.

Oh, and, as always, thank you for reading. If you like this post check out my weekly-ish newsletter for inspiring reads + existential musings on life, love, and inevitable human suffering. Or help support what I do by sharing a virtual cup of coffee.

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A Quick Change of Perspective

Today has been a very busy and trying day. Now that school is starting back up I am back to work and that means my schedule has changed and I am waking up earlier. I am tired now and to make matters worse I was so busy I skipped lunch. Now I am struggling to stay focused and positive. I needed to change my perspective before the negative thoughts crept in so I decided to write a quick list of things that have gone RIGHT today.

As hard as it was, I was able to wake up on time today. I went to bed at a decent time last night and had an idea of what I wanted to wear and what I needed to do in the morning. I got ready with minimal issues and apart from leaving the house and forgetting my tea, everything went smoothly.

I was able to complete all of my personal and professional goals by midday. I worked on math over on Khan Academy and mastered a lot of skills. I did my Lumosity training for the day and found out I had improved on the memory games. I wrote 750 words, finished my blog post for tomorrow, and am now working on this post. I got my new hours for work and sent all the emails I needed to. I was actually very productive.

I stayed as positive as I could and didn’t let anything stress me out. I found out a few days ago that I didn’t get the route or the driver I wanted but I have accepted the situation and moved on. I will make this school year the best it can be and try not to dwell on what I didn’t get. I also found out that I lost a total of three people from my training team. Which means more work and planning on my part but I have decided to take things one step at a time and just do the best that I can. I just jumped right in and started scheduling things. This way I won’t find myself in a time crunch and feeling overwhelmed later in the year.

Looking back now I guess today wasn’t all that bad. In fact, I think I could consider today a success given all that I have accomplished. I didn’t let the stress, schedule change, or skipped meal get me down. I hope you all are having a good day too, and if you aren’t, I urge you to look back and focus on all the good you have done.

Until next time, good vibes everyone! :)

Taking a Snow Day

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I didn’t feel like going in to work this morning.

Just felt like I needed a little time to myself. Being around other people is just so tiring, and nothing seems important right now. It’s not like I’m depressed, I mean I am sad, really fucking sad, but I’m not depressed really. Not any more than I usually am anyway. It’s just that my dog died, and that was a big event, and it makes everything else seem petty and unimportant. I care about going to work yes, because paying bills is still important, but everything I do at work seems stupid now. My boss talks and I zone out. People ask me what to do or what the plan is and I just shrug my shoulders. None of it means anything.

I do still care very much about my girlfriend and I care about our home. In fact the only time I feel happy is when we are at home together, safe in our own world. Nothing else even exists when we are home together. Sucks she couldn’t stay home with me this morning though. I’m not sure if being at home without her is any better than going to work but she will be off for lunch soon.

I hope with time this feeling will go away. I see people at work treating me different and feeling awkward around me. Yesterday I felt like they were pushing for me to go home or take time off. I know part of that was actual, genuine concern, but I wonder if part of it was not wanting to be around my attitude. I’m afraid my boss will start feeling like I’m not doing enough, or he will stop giving me work to do out of pity. Right now I have the luxury of acting like this but next week I will be back to regular work and I will have to get my shit together. Get my poop in a group as my friend would say.

 

 

 

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