If We Were Having Coffee

If we were having coffee I’d tell you I’m sorry I’m a little later than usual. I’m taking advantage of the first lazy day I’ve had in a long while. Me and my lady slept in until we felt too guilty and had to get up. I plan to spend the day doing as little as possible before we’re back at work tomorrow. My girlfriend has been especially exhausted and overworked and I just want to take care of her and make things as easy on her as I can. I have been doing my best all week but unfortunately I can’t take on her work load so I am not as much help as I wish I could be.

If we were having coffee I’d tell you it had been a long week, and a long weekend too. I think I tell you that every week but long does not mean bad here. It was actually a pretty good week, just long. I have another long week ahead of me again but very soon I will get a break. The last week of October is fall break for the schools so that means I am off. I plan to work a few hours a day helping out but it will be on my own time. I will have much more time for writing and for art. I’m going to work on cleaning up this blog a bit and getting some drafts written of all the things I want to say. I am trying to gear up for NaBloPoMo next month.

If we were having coffee I’d tell I’m also working on learning to use the Paper app by Fiftythree. I first downloaded the app about a year ago and while I thought it was cool I really didn’t have much use for it. Now that I’m trying to be more creative I think it would be a great tool to work in everyday. I also found that now there is a sharing element too. They call it Mix and it allows you to share your art as a sort of template. Then other people can use it as an inspiration and remix it, make it their own. They also have a nifty-neato stylus made specifically for the app that looks pretty cool too. Mine will be here on Tuesday!

If we were having coffee I’d tell you that I failed miserably to quit smoking last week. I feel bad but feeling bad doesn’t help me quit so I’m going to stop feeling bad and try again. Today is my new quit date and tomorrow will be my first test. No cigarettes. I have installed apps and I have signed up to have encouraging texts sent to my phone to remind me not to give in to the cravings. I get bored easily at my job and smoking helps pass the time. The days drag on too and it helps to have a cigarette to break up the day. I have to find new ways to get through my days now.

If we were having coffee I’d ask you to please wish me luck in the week ahead, it’s going to be a rough one. I have this blog, I have my Paper app, I have a log book to write in, and I have all of you, my dear readers, to help me get through it. I have you all to talk to and I have you all to hold me accountable too. Thank you for listening, and being here with me.


Saturday Reads: Posts I Loved from Around the Web

Sentance First – Non-life-threatening unselfconscious hyphens

Happy the reader who is unselfconscious about hyphens. Or is it unself-conscious? Un-selfconscious? […] Even un-self-conscious has its advocates.

I had never really concidered hyphens. I don’t think I use them very often but maybe that is because I shy away from those words. I never know if I am putting the hyphen in the right place of if there should even be a hyphen at all! This post cleared up a lot of my confusion and I don’t feel so afraid anymore.

High Times – What Happens When You Eat 1000Mg of THC?

What’s the most potent marijuana edible you’ve eaten? Most people I’ve asked have said 250-500mg the most they’ve had, and they said it was strong enough to knock them out. Few weeks ago, I was dared to eat a Kushie Kandy 1000mg Thin Mint chocolate bar.

So for those of you who don’t know I live in Colorado and marijuana is kind of a big deal here. It’s legal for both medical and recreational use and it’s about as easy to get as a pumpkin spice latte is right now. There has been a bit of controversy around the edibles industry though. Edibles are food items, usually candies or pastries, that contain THC. They thing is the concentration of THC in these edibles can be VERY high and it’s very easy to overdose. But the question is, what happens when you overdose on THC? Spoiler alert: you don’t die, you just sleep a lot.

The Good Men Project – Better Than You Found It

“Think about this–what if you committed to leaving everything that you touch a little better than how you found it?”

As a person who is trying to live a positive life and who wants to spread the positivity around this post really spoke to me. The idea had occurred to me previously but someone else wrote it first. Leave the every room you enter and every person you encounter better than you found them.

You Don’t Need a Winter Romance: The Case Against Cuffing Season

What was once just some millennial shorthand to describe a well-known pastime of dating behavior—our tendency to long for a relationship more as the air around us gets colder—has now become the pumpkin spice latte of dating mores.

Ahhh cuffin’ season. It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Actually I wouldn’t know I haven’t ever participated but I do enjoy the jokes and memes on twitter and tumblr lol!

The Guardian – My baby will be mixed race. So why did I automatically think of him as ‘black’?

I picked a black baby to represent my unborn child on a cake because of my own adherence to the ‘one-drop rule’

I was interested in this story because of my own history with racism and the “one-drop rule”. Growing up I never even considered myself white, and nobody else did either. My mother told me that the government considered me black and that all of society probably did too. She told me I could identify as whatever I wanted but that “one-drop” of African-American blood made me black.

What Inequality Has Meant to Me

Inequality means not bothering to propose to my girlfriend of 12 years because we can’t get “real married” anyway. Inequality means following every political debate hoping to hear a candidate say they support your right to marry the person you love. Inequality means also having to listen to all the politicians who don’t support your right say horrible things about your character. In equality means hearing them compare your love to bestiality and pedophilia.

Inequality means having to pay more for health insurance because you can’t put the person you love on your policy. Inequality means wondering who will get to make your medical decisions if something happened to you. Inequality means wondering what will happen to your home and your belongings should something happen to either of you. Inequality means wondering if you could have children one day and if you both get to be a legal parent. Inequality means you get all the paperwork in place to protect yourselves but in the back of your mind you know a judge could wipe it all away in court if her family decides to sue.

Inequality means having to “come out” over and over again to new friends and coworkers and wondering how they will react. Inequality means having people tell you to your face that they don’t understand your “choices”. Inequality means having people tell you that you DO have the same rights as everyone else because “you can marry a man”. Inequality is having people tell you these things without ever having to worry about the things you have to worry about.

Inequality is being told those things while also being fetishized. Inequality is have men ask you if they “can watch” or “join in”. Inequality is being hesitant to kiss your girlfriend in public because guys are watching. Inequality is being told on a regular basis that you just haven’t “had the right man yet”. Inequality is having to deal with random men hitting on your girlfriend in front of you because they don’t respect your relationship. Inequality is seeing her uncomfortable and feeling helpless and scared when nothing you say makes him stop.

Inequality also mean getting to be apart of the change and seeing new allies come forward everyday. Inequality means celebrating with your friends when the supreme court decides not to hear appeals and suddenly marriage equality is legal in your state. Inequality is tearing up when your family tells you they are happy that you can finally marry the girl of your dreams. Inequality is being grateful that your parents didn’t disown you for loving a woman. Inequality is seeing public opinion change and being happy, but at the same time, being sad it took so long and knowing that there is so much farther left to go.

Prompt via The Daily Post: Did you know today is Blog Action Day? Join bloggers from around the world and write a post about what inequality means to you. Have you ever encountered it in your daily life?

Start Each Day Like It’s Your Birthday

What a wonderful concept, to wake up everyday and imagine it’s your birthday. I’ve been trying to find way to wake up excited and happy for the day but nothing has worked. I recently came across a quote that said to “start each day like it’s your birthday”. Now that might work!

I mean, in my opinion my birthday is the greatest holiday of the year! I have never understood people who whine and complain about their birthday and refuse to celebrate it. I force others to celebrate my birthday! I mean what is more awesome than a day to celebrate the fact that you were born? It’s your day to do whatever you want and be the center of attention. A birthday can never be a bad day.

So imagine what it would be like if everyday were your birthday? If you could wake up and just know that today was all about you and nothing but good could happen. If you could wake up and just celebrate the fact that you were born and you are still alive. If you could wake up and wonder what surprises the world has in store for you today. How amazing would that be? I think even the most mundane day could be made better by just imagining it’s your birthday.

Or maybe, so as not to cause any confusion, I will instead celebrate my UNbirthday! If you’ve ever seen Disney’s Alice in Wonderland than you know what an unbirthday is, if you haven’t seen Disney’s Alice in Wornderland I question whether you are in fact a human being at all. Anyway, for those who may not know, your unbirthday falls on the 364 days of the year that are NOT your birthday, those days are also cause for celebration. There can even be a party with cake and presents and tea if you wish!

So go on and imagine today is YOUR day. Take time to celebrate you and the fact that you are here. Be grateful, have fun, treat yourself, and make a wish. I hope you all have a very merry unbirthday.

The Pretty Girls with the Empty Hearts

This is not about all pretty girls. This is about the pretty girls who use their looks to take advantage of  others. This is about the pretty girls who keep themselves stupid and bat their eyes to get what they want. This is about the pretty girls who shit on the girls with big hearts and brains. This is about the pretty girls who only see other girls as competition and put them down to further their own ends.

Not too long ago I wanted to be one of those pretty girls. The ones who get all of the attention and are worshiped by the boys who want them and the girls who want to be them. I would see them at work or at parties and everyone would be complimenting them and offering them drinks. To me, it seemed like they had it all, and what they didn’t have they could easily get. The pretty girl always looked like she was having the time of her life. The pretty girl had no worries. Oh, what I wouldn’t have given to be one of them!

After being around girls like that I would go home feeling ugly and unwanted. I started asking my friends if I was attractive, they always told me I was but it just didn’t make sense. Nobody ever said I looked good unless I asked. I figured they were lying to make me feel better. One day my best girlfriend told me I was pretty, I immediately called her a liar and she jump on me. She told me to stop thinking like that, she told me I was beautiful and I needed to start loving myself.

And so I did. I started to love myself. I learned to love my looks and to love my brains. I have more confidence now and I’m even starting to get more compliments. Not just about my looks but also about my intelligence and kindness. I now know that all of the friends I have are genuine. They like me more for my mind. I know that I’m not ugly, I just don’t have the “typical beauty” you see on magazine covers. I’m not the first girl anyone looks at in a room. I take more pride in the fact that it’s my mind that really attracts people. I’m not being cocky here, and I don’t think I’m a special snowflake. These are just the things I have been told over and over again by other people.

After that, I started to pay closer attention to what the pretty girl was doing. I often saw the pretty girl barking orders and making unreasonable demands. “buy me this”, “take me to lunch”, “give me ride here or there!” she would smile why saying it and even give a laugh, but I could see she didn’t care at all for the person she was demanding things of, she only wanted the power. She only wanted to have her needs met and she pretended long enough to get it. The pretty girl also demanded constant attention from those around her. She would talk over everyone around her, and gossip or bad-mouth others to make herself look better. The pretty girl was not comfortable unless everyone could see she was pretty.

There are many girls out there like me but a lot of women are still too busy trying to be the “pretty girl”. I know I was for a long time. Looking back now I think it’s sad. I hated my body because I didn’t look like them. I hated my mind and curiosity because I thought no one wanted to hear the things I had to say. Everything around me reinforced these ideas and the pretty girls let me know I was never going to be one of them.

That’s not to say there aren’t pretty girls out there who have brains and big hearts too. I have met more than a few and they are awesome. And to the not so pretty girls with brains and big hearts, to me, you are beautiful too. It is much more about what’s inside than what’s outside. Looks fade but intelligence and kind souls are forever.

I wonder if those pretty girls ever learn. I wonder if they ever grow and see the world from a new perspective. I hope they do. I hold no animosity for the pretty girls, I just wish they knew there was so much more to life. I try to show them whenever I’m given the chance but all too often I am brushed aside by the pretty girls. Me and my plain looks and brains make my unworthy of the pretty girl friendship.

The pretty girl rarely sees the things I have to offer, her mind only focused on what she can take. I still try, though, because the pretty girl is my sister in the struggle too and I will fight for her always. I hope one day she will see the there is more to the world than looks. I hope she will see there is more inside herself too.

It’s Monday People, You Know What That Means!

It’s Monday and that means, like so many of you, I am back at work. I have been trying my best not to complain about Mondays anymore. I realized it was a waste to start the week so negatively. I hear so many of my coworkers saying the day sucks simply because it is the first day of the work week. I used to do that too, until I realized that Monday isn’t the shitty day we all think it is. Monday is a fresh start! So this week, don’t complain. This week start fresh and go out and hustle hard!

I have another long week ahead of me but I will do my best to stay positive. Yeah this job isn’t my dream job, and yeah this job can sometimes be both boring and frustrating, but I should make the most of it and learn what I can. I also can’t let anything at this job get to me. All I can do is my best, after that I have to just move on. I also have to stop stressing myself so much over my job too, especially when I’m not seeing any benefit for all my stress.

So, I will not work above my pay grade or for free. This week I expect to get some overtime because I am no longer helping fix people’s problems without getting paid for it. I feel like when I don’t timecard things because it seems like a nice thing to do I am not valuing my own time. And if I can’t work on my side projects because someone needs help then I for damn sure better be getting paid!

I also won’t be fixing problems that aren’t my job to fix. My boss gets paid the big bucks to fix big problems. I don’t get paid what he does so I shouldn’t be working as if I do. I also shouldn’t take on more responsibility than I am paid to. When I do that I am allowing my boss to take it easy while at the same time making a substantial amount more than me. This is not fair to me! So not I will pull back a little and just do MY job and then focus on me.

Outside of work I am going to be generating some ideas for larger art projects to work on. I have been sticking to working in an art journal daily, although it is very basic and plain, at least it’s something. Now I think I’m ready for something bigger, something I could spend a couple of weekends on. As soon as I get started expect some pictures and blog posts on my progress!

And now for my big news, this week I am going to try, yet again, to quit smoking! I have tried many, many, times in the past but nicotine has a strong hold on me. This time around I think I have a quitting buddy though. One of friends who also works with me is quitting too so hopefully we can encourage each other and hold each other accountable. I hope you all will hold me accountable too and I promise to update you on my progress.

So yeah it’s Monday, and the work week has begun. Is going to be rough but we can do it! Just relax and remember to breathe and be awesome :)

If We Were Having…Tea!

If we were having coffee I would tell you that the cool, cloudy weather we are having today has put me in the mood for some nice warm tea instead. Some mint green tea with honey and a tiny bit of coconut oil to be specific. Yeah I know the coconut oil thing sounds kinda weird but trust me it’s good, try it!

If we were having tea I would tell you that this past week was pretty good. My day job kept me pretty busy but I did my best to keep my attitude positive and I actually had some fun. Hopefully soon my boss will be hiring on some more people to help us out and things will get easier. I did have to call in last Friday though which I actually feel really bad it. I had been up three nights in a row with a cough and I was just too tired to work. I hope things didn’t fall apart without me there. Guess I’ll find out tomorrow.

If we were having tea I would tell you that the weekend was good too. We originally had plans to do dinner with another gay couple last night. We wanted to celebrate the recent supreme court decision which made gay marriage suddenly legal here in Colorado. They had to cancle but we will celebrate next weekend. Instead we celebrated a new friend’s birthday. We had a great time and this new friend is turning out to be pretty cool. She seems mature, sweet, and drama free and I’m excited that we may have a new female friend to hang out with.

If we were having tea I’d tell you that my sister is here and she brought my niece and nephew with her. I haven’t seen them in a couple weeks and I’ve missed them a lot. I had better go and visit with them but it was nice to sit and talk with you for awhile. I’d like to know how you all are doing too, so let me know in the comments and, please, enjoy the rest of your weekend.