If We Were Having Coffee // It’s My Birthday Month, and I’m Starting Again

“Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all.”

— David Lynch

Hello, dear readers! Thank you for stopping by for a bit of coffee and catching up. I probably shouldn’t be having coffee, the caffeine and the acid are probably the last things my stomach needs, but I’m at home today, and coffee means a lot to me, so I will drink and deal with the consequences later. I know it will be worth every sip.

I know I haven’t  been around much lately, and we will get to why in a bit, but before we do I wanted to warn you that today’s post might contain some TMI subjects and descriptions and a bit of bad language. If you don’t want to hear that kind of thing maybe skip ahead a bit or skip away, I won’t mind I promise.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this week was fucking awful.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I know you, and everyone else, me included are probably tired of hearing me talk about my health and my medication and my anxiety and my hope that any day now I will start to feel better. You are probably tired of hearing week after week that I am still sick, but here I am telling you once again that I am still sick. Not just still, I’m actually worse and getting more and more worried as each day goes by.

Since my ulcerative colitis diagnosis, my whole life feels upended. All I can think about now is my stomach, and bathrooms, and what foods I can and can’t eat, and whether or not I can work today, and when my next doctors appointment is, and if this new pain is due to the disease or my medication, and what medication I am on and what medication will come next if this one doesn’t work, and whether or not I should call my doctor, and whether or not this is serious, and if I’m sleeping enough or too much, and oh god I have to go to the bathroom, again, again, again, again…..This is my life now, and there has been no room for writing anymore.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I feel overwhelmed by all the things I haven’t been able to do or finish because of all of this. I haven’t written a new post here in days, and the comments are piling up. I failed the Blogging A to Z Challenge before I was able to really get going. I’ve missed submission deadlines, and I haven’t sent a newsletter in weeks. I’m so far behind I don’t know where to even begin to catch up, but I want to.

I want to find a way back to doing all the things that made me feel good. I want to find a way to get back to telling my story and spreading my message. I want to finish what I started, so I am starting again.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I think my first two Blogging A to Z posts turned out pretty good, and even though I couldn’t keep going I haven’t gotten over my need to talk about all the bad things in the world. So, I am picking up the project again and combining it with another project I can never seem to get my shit together enough to finish. I am going to make a zine/chapbook from the posts!

I have no idea when the thing will be done, now that I have given myself permission to work outside of the April deadline but I’d like to have a draft done by the middle of may. This will be my first physical thing I am making so please be patient, but I am promising that this thing will be a thing and I will keep you posted if you promise to keep me accountable.

***

If we were having coffee I would tell you that my birthday is coming up this week and despite everything, I am still excited. It’s not a big birthday, I’m just turning 32, but it’s my day and I take it very seriously. I like to think of the entire month of April as the time to celebrate me. I mean, your birthday is not just the day to mark when you came into the world but a time to celebrate another year that you got to be on this Earth. What could be more important?

I always think about how each birthday could be my last and it feels wrong not to make each one meaningful no matter how hard aging is or how depressing or bad the year has been. When you consider that there are so many people who won’t be getting a birthday this year your perspective changes. You realize that each one is a gift and worthy of celebration.

This year, like every year, I’ll be making time for dinners and drinks with family and friends and a bit of quiet reflection on the past year and planning for the next. I don’t ask for or expect gifts, I just want to see all the people who make my life meaningful but I know my girlfriend got me something good, she always buys the best gifts, and I’m anxious to find out what it is.

***

If we were having coffee I would tell you that I have come to the end of my cup of coffee and, sadly, the caffeine has done nothing for my energy levels. I need a nap. Thank you for chatting with me, it’s been good for me to get up and get typing again. I hope to keep the momentum going.

I hope you had a good week, and that your weekend was a relaxing one. If you have a minute drop by the comments and let me know how you have been and what you have been up to.

Until next time :)

An early birthday present to myself, from myself 😊 #sagavol7

A post shared by Lisa Blair (@zenandpi) on

***

Check out my weekly-ish newsletter for interesting reads + my own existential musings on life, love, and inevitable human suffering, or buy me a cup of coffee perhaps? 

Written for to the Weekend Coffee Share link-up hosted by Nerd in the Brain

Featured image via Unsplash

Advertisements

If We Were Having Coffee // I Slept a Whole Day Away, Again

“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”

― Abraham Lincoln

Hello, dear readers! Whew look at the time, I’m so sorry it’s late. Then again, coffee in the evening can be just as nice as coffee in the morning, you know? Coffee that you drink not because you have to but because you want to because coffee isn’t just for keeping you awake but actually tastes good too, when you take the time to make it right, serve it right, and sip it slowly.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I was actually up early this morning as I always am now because Of my stomach and my medication but I wasn’t feeling well and as, after I had eaten, I fell right back to sleep on the couch. I fell asleep for about hours, waking here and there and trying to will myself up and around the house and losing every time.

This isn’t the first time this has happened, but it is very unlike me. I like naps, don’t get me wrong but not that early in the day and not for that long.

My new medicine still isn’t working yet, and my body is just tired. I’m working on accepting that this is my new normal, at least for now. The doctor said I needed to be patient and wait five or six weeks to see if this medicine will help and it hasn’t even been three, yet so I have a long way to go still. In the meantime, I’m being taken off the steroid which is contributing to this yucky, sleeping feeling.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I am so bummed to have to return to work tomorrow. This past week was our spring break, and while I did have to work a little, a very, very little, and there was some bad weather, we did manage to get out and have some fun.

Thursday we went to the Denver Art Museum for the Star Wars costume exhibit which turned out to be much more in depth and interesting than I thought it would. I was glad for that, I didn’t feel so guilty dragging my girlfriend to it.

It should have been called the Padmé Amidala exhibit, though, since she had the most costumes throughout the films and each was more elaborate and more beautiful than the last. If you have no idea what I am talking about you need to stop here and go start a Star Wars marathon.

Afterward, we tried out a new seafood restaurant, one we had never heard of but had received a Groupon gift for. It was in a hidden part of town I had never now about before, with a few blocks of shops, dining, and bars surrounded by housing. I’ve lived in this city nearly my whole life and never knew about this gem. The food was great, and I can’t wait to go back to the area for more exploring.

Friday we were supposed to head up to Boulder, CO but the weather went to shit, and neither of us wanted to visit an outdoor mall in the rain. We ended up at the movies instead, my favorite thing to do anytime, and saw Raw, an artsy coming of age horror film lots of cannibalism and gore. Then we went for sushi and shopping :)

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that my first post for the Blogging A to Z Challenge, A is for the Arctic, Which is Melting, turned out pretty well I think, but I’m sitting here quietly panicking because I have nothing else written, at all! I’m the worst blogger ever I swear. Like, sometimes I don’t even know what I’m doing here, but I can’t stop?

Anyway, I have notes for tomorrow’s post, and some vague ideas for a few other days, but that’s it. I don’t know what I expect you to do about it, except throw me a few ideas if you have any? I’m looking for catastrophic failures of humanity here. News stories about our inability to save ourselves or any other life on this planet. I want to know about all the ways we are destroying whatever is right and good inside ourselves. You’d think I have plenty of ideas, and I do, but I need them narrowed down to specifics.

But, whether nor not I get help, I am determined to do the best I can all through April and during this challenge. It’s important to me to tell these stories.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that, sadly, I have to go. In the short time, we have been here I have switched from coffee to red wine, and my lovely girlfriend has finished making what looks like the best lasagna I have ever seen. Tonight is a bit of a special night, we are watching the finale of Big Little Lies, and I don’t want to miss a moment.

I hope you had a wonderful week and a very relaxing weekend. SLEave a note in the comments below and catch me up. I’d love to hear how you are and what you’ve been up to.

Until next time :)

***

Check out my weekly-ish newsletter for interesting reads + my own existential musings on life, love, and inevitable human suffering, or buy me a cup of coffee perhaps? 

Written for to the Weekend Coffee Share link-up hosted by Nerd in the Brain

Featured image via Unsplash

If We Were Having Coffee // Spring Break Started Early!

“Sometimes life is merely a matter of coffee and whatever intimacy a cup of coffee affords.”

Richard Brautigan

Hello, dear readers. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of coffee and catching up. I almost didn’t make it today! Fatigue is kicking my butt, and my medication still hasn’t taken effect yet, and that means I slept most of the day away.

The clouds outside aren’t helping. It seems our warm, dry weather streak is over.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that thanks to the break in the warm, dry weather I got an extra day of spring break. The local news predicted blizzard-like conditions, so school was canceled which means I got to stay home too.

But here in Denver, Colorado what happens in one part of town can be very different from another. Some parts of the city got hit bad, in my area we got mostly rain, and by early afternoon the slush had melted and dried. I have a feeling out district will take a hit with the public for this one, but it won’t matter. It’s hard to decide whether or not to brave the conditions and hope for the best. The public forgets that safety is most important, especially in the Transportation department.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that even though it’s officially spring break, I still have to work but it’ll be easy work: organizing, filing, spreadsheets, cleaning up, that sort of thing. I can’t exactly afford to lose five days of pay, but I can afford to lose some, so I’m just working six hours a day, and only three days out of the week, Monday thru Wednesday.

Thursday and Friday, my girlfriend and I are planning a day trip out-of-town and a day in-town. Thursday we’re heading to Denver Art Museum for a very geeky Star Wars costume exhibit then out for seafood and sangria. Friday we’ll be heading up to Boulder for the day. I’m not sure what we’ll do up there, but I’m hoping for lots of shopping and more good food.

***

Last week wasn’t so bad. My route wasn’t running, and I managed to steer clear of having to do extra work, so that was good. I had hoped to spend all that free time working on a whole bunch of writing projects but, it turns out, I only had time and energy for one.

I entered a fiction contest at The Writing Collective. You can read it if you like but it isn’t my best work. I found out about the contest a little late and between work, my guts still acting up, and a last-minute dinner and drinks date with a cousin who got laid off from work, I didn’t have time. I wanted to give up, but I thought maybe I should try anyway. I thought I should do my best and see what happens. *shrug*

I also finished my first submission for Aloe. I’ll be submitting it today, but there is no guarantee of acceptance. If they agree to publish it, I’ll wait a few weeks before working on another. If they don’t, I’ll get started right away on another.

I’m hoping that this week I can finally get back on track around here. I have a ton of drafts to finish and the A to Z challenge is just around the corner, and I have barely got any ideas together. I have a theme, which I have yet to announce, another thing I’m behind on, but I have nothing written and a few letters lacking a topic.

***

If we were having coffee I would tell you that we’ve come to that time, I have to go. After spending the day in and out of naps, plus sweating over cleaning and writing, it’s time I took care of myself. I’m thinking a nice cold hard cider and a long hot shower, at the same time!*

I hope you had a great week. I hope your weekend was nice and relaxing. I hope you’ll take a moment to drop by the comments and let me know how you are doing and what you’ve been up to.

Until ext time :)

*Some might consider a “shower cider” to be outside the spirit of the “shower beer.” Unfortunately, beer doesn’t agree with my stomach so cider it is and I don’t care what those people think.

***

Check out my weekly-ish newsletter for interesting reads + my own existential musings on life, love, and inevitable human suffering, or buy me a cup of coffee perhaps? 

Written for to the Weekend Coffee Share link-up hosted by Nerd in the Brain

Featured image via Unsplash

If We Were Having Coffee // I Did My Best, That Has to be Good Enough

Hello, hello dear readers, and happy Sunday. I hope your weekend is going as well as mine. I was able to get out of the house and have some fun and now I am doing my best to get as much prepared for the week as I can. This week won’t be as bad as the last and if I take some time to start it off right, I might even be able to redeem myself of the awful job I did this week.

***

If we were having coffee I would start by apologizing to you for being the worst blog host this week. You see, I work a split shift job and I spend most of the middle of my day doing blog type things. Here and there though I am called on to work a bunch of extra hours usually for a whole week straight. This week was one of those weeks and because I was also doing my very best to keep up with the A to Z Challenge I devoted what time I had to write and there was none left for reading and commenting.

I am so sorry and this week I promise to catch up with everyone’s very sweet comments and return the favor to all my fellow bloggers. I also have to catch up on the challenge too. I am currently only behind by one letter but I am lacking some ideas for U thru Z. I am determined to finish, though! I can do this!

Plus, if I understand things correctly, the big A to Z Challenge participants blogroll should be up for awhile afterward and I can take some time then to visit new blogs and make new blogging friends. Basically, my point is, just be patient with me, please.

***

If we were having coffee I would tell you that I had a great time at brunch with my girlfriend, my cousin, and my sisters. It was to celebrate my birthday and it was supposed to be much bigger but it seems everyone is busy in April so it was just us.

We went to my favorite place, Punch Bowl Social, which is basically a restaurant, bowling alley, a and bar built into an old warehouse. It’s my favorite place to go and eat hipster food and drink hipster drinks all while feeling cooler than all the people who aren’t there.

I am disappointed that a few of the other ladies I invited couldn’t come but am glad the most important ones were. I may try to set something up again in a few months, I’d love to get all my favorite girls together for more good food and drinks and conversation.

***

If we were having coffee I would tell that while I don’t much mention pop culture items here on these posts I am super excited for two television events this weekend. Last night Beyonce, who I have only become a big fan of in the last year or so, released her album in the form of

Last night Beyonce, who I have only become a big fan of in the last year or so, released her album in the form of an HBO special called Lemonade. It was visually stunning and the music was pretty good too. It was very emotional, detailing her marital problems, and touching on subjects of womanhood and blackness. I honestly loved it and while I once considered Beyonce to be a nothing but an entertainer, is a true artist. Seriously, it’s pretty amazing.

The other is the return of Game of Thrones tonight. Woot woot! My girlfriend and I have set up a nice dinner, drink, and dessert for this event. We are huge fans of the show and have been anxiously awaiting its return. I am hoping Jon Snow is still alive since he is my favorite and I hope to see lots more Daenerys Targaryen because she is incredibly badass and beautiful. I’ll probably be on Twitter tonight, live tweeting my excitement if you’re interested.

***

If we were having coffee I would tell you that that I have been feeling “that summer feeling” lately. Summertime has always been my favorite of the year and it is the time when my girlfriend and I feel the most us. It is sleeping with the windows open and cuddling in the morning breeze. It is the most restful naps on the couch in the midday heat. It is venturing out in the warm evening air and finding patios to drink on and friends to laugh with. It is laying awake at night and watching the lightning and listening to the rain.

Our relationship was made in the summer and we make it again every year. The closer we get to it the more my spirits rise nd the more all I can think of is her. *sigh*

***

If we were having coffee I would tell you that I am starting to get anxious about the housework and writing I have left to do and I think I had better head out. I’ve enjoyed our chat and I hope very much you have forgiven me for being a bit busy this week. I’d love to hear how you are doing so please, drop a note in the comments and let me know what you’ve been up to.

See you next week :)

Featured image via Jerry Lai

 

 

The Week’s End // A Few of My Favorite Internet Things

Happy Saturday everyone! If you’re looking for some interesting reads to check out while you kick back and relax, look no further, I’ve got you covered! Every weekend I like to share with you the most interesting things I found across the great, wide web. Enjoy!

***

Safe and Sorry – Terrorism & Mass Surveillance // Kurzgesagt – In a Nutshell

Nobody likes to be afraid and we were eager to make the fear go away.

It is a normal human response to want to do whatever it takes to keep themselves and their loved ones safe but we have to think critically when we decide to take certain measures.

***

Zine Review: How to Talk to Your Cat About Abstinence // Sea Green Zines

*Do I really need to talk to my cat about abstinence?
*What difficulties do kittens born from premarital sex face?
*What are other things I can do to safeguard the purity of my cat?

Bahahahah! Oh my God, I want to get a copy of this for every cat owner I knew, especially my mom, who treats her cats like they are her children.

***

Women (Trailer) // Viceland

The raw and revolutionary look at womanhood brings together a team of female journalists who explore how violence against women drives global instability.

See this is what I like about Vice, they tell the stories people forget to tell or to hear. I don’t have cable but I do follow them, and all their other channels too, on Youtube. They have been a big source of inspiration for the kinds of things I want to write and share here.

***

Witchy Women: Marie Laveau // Part-Time Monster

Everything is further complicated by the truth–Marie Laveau was actually two people (mother and daughter bearing the same name) who have been combined into a single iconic persona.

One of the most interesting women featured in a very interesting Blogging A to Z theme. I first heard of Marie Laveau from the show American Horror Story: Coven and I have been obsessed ever since.

***

Six Word Stories: Underwhelmed // Richard Ankers

Life?

How can you know which you prefer if you haven’t tried both?

***

Virus trading cards // Tabletop Whale

Viruses are surprisingly symmetrical, and I love them because they remind me of a biological version of snowflakes.

Oooooo! These are neat! I love viruses, the not quite alive, not quite dead things that infect us, kill us, have become a part of our DNA, and from whom all life may have ultimately descended from.

03-25-16-2

***

To The People I Don’t Write About // Hookup Culture

I’m sure someone will write about you someday, but you’re just not part of my story.

There are people we all write about, and ones we don’t. I wonder if looking to the people who have meant less in your life’s story might be another source of inspiration?

***

Free Bullet Journal Reference Guide // Tiny Ray of Sunshine

A funny dream of mine is for everyone who reads this to print out a bunch of these and scatter them around wherever you live.

I had a couple of Moleskine Cahier notebooks laying around and I thought I should give bullet journaling a real try. There is so much you can do with the system the choices may feel overwhelming. That’s a big part of why I haven’t started yet. I saw this printout though and thought I might just start with the basics.

download (1)

***

100 things I’ve learned // A Year of Creative Habits

100. you can do this!

I have been following Crystal Moody and her journey to a more creative life for a long time now. I wanted to do my own year of creative habits but I have a few other goals for the year and didn’t want to overload myself. Doesn’t mean I can’t learn a little from her journey.

***

I can dream, can’t I? // Alec Nevala-Lee

For years, I’ve been daydreaming about a piece of fan fiction that I’d love to write, although I doubt I’ll ever get a chance to do it.

Since I have started writing fiction for my A to Z Challenge I have been doing my best to keep track of what is working and not working, and what inspired me along the way. I haven’t tried fanfiction yet but I am very tempted, it sounds like fun :)

***

Cambridge Animal Alphabet // University of Cambridge

The Cambridge Animal Alphabet series celebrates Cambridge’s connections with animals through literature, art, science and society.

Not part of the A to Z challenge but still interesting alphabetical list.

***

And that’s it for this week. Have you read, watched, heard, or written an interesting thing this week? Has something on the internet made you think or feel strongly? If so, drop a link in the comments :)

Currently // March 2016

Writing my Blogging A to Z Challenge posts. I have A thru F fleshed out and mostly ready to go as of this writing. I am so freaking nervous about this guys :/

Planning my summer goals. Yeah, I know I have a long way to go but after April i will need to really buckle down and do some real writing if I want to make any money off of these words.

Making an effort to draw more. I have been trying to do a few doodles from little drawing tutorials or photos I find on Pinterest. I’ve done three so far, and they kind of suck. You can see them on my Instagram if you’re interested.

Thinking about all the scary things I want to do in the future. Quitting my job? Starting my own business? Having kids??? Whaaaaaat?

Reading, or more like suffering through, The Myth of Sisyphus and Other Essays by Albert Camus. It is a big change from all the fiction I’d been reading these past few months and it is taking some getting used to.

Watching The Family on ABC. It’s about the return of a politician’s son who had gone missing over a decade earlier. The kid returns traumatized and the man wrongly accused of his murder is released from prison and drama ensues. Plus,this kid might not be who he says he is.

Feeling like I have no idea what I am doing. Like being out in the ocean and trying to swim to land. I have no idea if I am going in the right direction or how far I need to swim. Hell, I could just be swimming in circles for all I know.

Needing everyone to stop making plans to leave! My sister and her husband are looking to head south to Texas with my niece and nephew, and my mom is planning on heading to Missouri with the rest of the family. Pretty soon I will be the only one left in Colorado and, well, that really sucks.

Loving my new clipfolio I picked up from Target to keep all my little writing notes in and these bank pouches I ordered from Amazon to hold all my sharpies, pens, and pencils.

Hating all this snow we have been having lately. I need warm temps, sunshine, and blue skies already!

Hoping everyone shows up for the birthday brunch in a couple of weeks. I want to get all the important women in my life together for bloody Mary’s, mimosas, and some damn good food, but I’ll be super disappointed if any of them can’t make it. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

***

The inspiration for this post comes from Andrea at Create.Share.Love.

Featured image via Pexels

Spring is the time of plans and projects.

Good morning and happy Monday to you all. I hope yours started out on the right foot and you are already off and running toward your goals. Mondays are hard, so that might not be the case, but remember that you can always start again, at any moment you can call a do-over and get right back on track.

For me, this week I am choosing to focus on myself and my own work rather than my day job. I work for a school district that is on Spring break and that means I have the option to stay home. I could go in and work in the office or help out with training but I’ve decided to stay home and try to be productive here. I have a few projects coming up that require a little forethought and planning on my part. Something I am not very good at hence why I need the entire week to get it done.

Spring is the time of plans and projects.

// Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

My first project I need to work on is my Blogging A to Z Challenge posts. I have to begin posting this very Friday and I want to have a head start of 5 or 10 posts written. I have 3 right now and they are not any of the first letters of the alphabet. I have to buckle down from now until Thursday and get A thru E, or so, done.

My next project is to make some headway on putting together a zine. I have been gathering notes and inspiration for months and it’s time to start putting a few things down on paper, or rather, on index cards. I bought a pack of 180 and am using them to mix and match ideas and layout options.

And finally, I have to organize my “creativity room” and get myself some more room to “spread my mind out in” as Virginia Woolf once said. You would think this task would be first, it being the time for Spring cleaning and all, but organizing for me tends to be a form of procrastination so I have to do it very last after all other tasks are complete.

Since I have a day job and cannot yet focus all my time on my hobbies and side projects it is important that I take time here and there throughout the year to focus fully on my other goals so that one day I can focus all the time on them. I am not sure exactly what that might look like, or what path I will need to take to get there, but I’ll never find out without trying a few things.

So this week, take the time to do a little planning or to tackle a few projects that you have been wanting to complete. Springtime is the best time for starting over and it is a season of creativity, take advantage of it while you can.