If We Were Having Coffee // Spring Break Started Early!

“Sometimes life is merely a matter of coffee and whatever intimacy a cup of coffee affords.”

Richard Brautigan

Hello, dear readers. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of coffee and catching up. I almost didn’t make it today! Fatigue is kicking my butt, and my medication still hasn’t taken effect yet, and that means I slept most of the day away.

The clouds outside aren’t helping. It seems our warm, dry weather streak is over.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that thanks to the break in the warm, dry weather I got an extra day of spring break. The local news predicted blizzard-like conditions, so school was canceled which means I got to stay home too.

But here in Denver, Colorado what happens in one part of town can be very different from another. Some parts of the city got hit bad, in my area we got mostly rain, and by early afternoon the slush had melted and dried. I have a feeling out district will take a hit with the public for this one, but it won’t matter. It’s hard to decide whether or not to brave the conditions and hope for the best. The public forgets that safety is most important, especially in the Transportation department.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that even though it’s officially spring break, I still have to work but it’ll be easy work: organizing, filing, spreadsheets, cleaning up, that sort of thing. I can’t exactly afford to lose five days of pay, but I can afford to lose some, so I’m just working six hours a day, and only three days out of the week, Monday thru Wednesday.

Thursday and Friday, my girlfriend and I are planning a day trip out-of-town and a day in-town. Thursday we’re heading to Denver Art Museum for a very geeky Star Wars costume exhibit then out for seafood and sangria. Friday we’ll be heading up to Boulder for the day. I’m not sure what we’ll do up there, but I’m hoping for lots of shopping and more good food.

***

Last week wasn’t so bad. My route wasn’t running, and I managed to steer clear of having to do extra work, so that was good. I had hoped to spend all that free time working on a whole bunch of writing projects but, it turns out, I only had time and energy for one.

I entered a fiction contest at The Writing Collective. You can read it if you like but it isn’t my best work. I found out about the contest a little late and between work, my guts still acting up, and a last-minute dinner and drinks date with a cousin who got laid off from work, I didn’t have time. I wanted to give up, but I thought maybe I should try anyway. I thought I should do my best and see what happens. *shrug*

I also finished my first submission for Aloe. I’ll be submitting it today, but there is no guarantee of acceptance. If they agree to publish it, I’ll wait a few weeks before working on another. If they don’t, I’ll get started right away on another.

I’m hoping that this week I can finally get back on track around here. I have a ton of drafts to finish and the A to Z challenge is just around the corner, and I have barely got any ideas together. I have a theme, which I have yet to announce, another thing I’m behind on, but I have nothing written and a few letters lacking a topic.

***

If we were having coffee I would tell you that we’ve come to that time, I have to go. After spending the day in and out of naps, plus sweating over cleaning and writing, it’s time I took care of myself. I’m thinking a nice cold hard cider and a long hot shower, at the same time!*

I hope you had a great week. I hope your weekend was nice and relaxing. I hope you’ll take a moment to drop by the comments and let me know how you are doing and what you’ve been up to.

Until ext time :)

*Some might consider a “shower cider” to be outside the spirit of the “shower beer.” Unfortunately, beer doesn’t agree with my stomach so cider it is and I don’t care what those people think.

***

Check out my weekly-ish newsletter for interesting reads + my own existential musings on life, love, and inevitable human suffering, or buy me a cup of coffee perhaps? 

Written for to the Weekend Coffee Share link-up hosted by Nerd in the Brain

Featured image via Unsplash

If We Were Having Coffee // A Bad Week that Wasn’t so Bad

“A friend of coffee is a friend of mine.”

― Death Wish Coffee

Hello, dear readers. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of coffee and catching up with me. I did my best to get going early this morning. It helped that I had to be up anyway. My stomach waking me up every morning around 5:30, just in time for medication and work, is my new normal. Unfortunately, my gut isn’t aware that it is the weekend, so here we are. The weather is gorgeous so I have the windows open and the cold brew already made.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this past week was not the best but sometimes when you get through a bad week, when you do your best and get everything done that you needed to, it feels like a good week anyway.

Work was frustrating. I can’t go into a lot of detail but imagine if you had a goal or task that took place over the course of months every year. Imagine are awesome and complete your tasks on time, every year. Then imagine that instead of getting to celebrate, relax, or move on to the next task, you were reminded by your boss that you were part of a team and that your job was to complete the work of other employees who hadn’t completed their tasks, every single year! It’s infuriating! But I’m taking care of myself. I set boundaries. I’m not going to stress myself out or overwork myself to complete this task.

But I’m taking care of myself. I set boundaries. I’m not going to stress myself out or overwork myself to complete this task. The get a couple of hours, two days a week, and that’s it, and from now on, instead of just checking in with my team, I will check in with other teams so that I can be free in April, as was always my goal.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you this week was a slow writing week. For most of the week, when I wasn’t working, I was just too tired. My health still isn’t back 100%, which reminds me, I finally had a consult with my GI doctor a whole month after my diagnosis! I’m angry it took so long, but I’m happy to have more information and a plan. It also helped that she started out by apologizing.

I’ll be honest, though, a lot of what she said was a bit depressing. She really made sure I understood that ulcerative colitis is for life. I can never stop treatment, and I can never lose my insurance. If I lose insurance treatment becomes too expensive. If I stop treatment, it may not work when I have to start again, and I will have to start again because ulcerative colitis is for life.

So, I’m back on the steroids, but at a lower dose, and an anti-inflammatory drug that I will take every day for the rest of my life. It will take a few more weeks to know for sure whether this plan will work or not but I’m hoping it will. If it doesn’t work, then I’ll have to move on to harsher drugs, and no one wants that. I’d much rather be taking these pills then giving myself injections or going in for infusions every few weeks. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that even though I didn’t post much, a few writing related things did happen. I had a piece published on Femsplain. I worked on a few things for Aloe, and, I found a fiction contest to enter if I can get my shit together.

I also changed a few things around here. Nothing big. I added a new page for work I’ve had published Elsewhere. I tweaked my About page and updated my Now page too, and I set up an account for donations/tips on Ko-fi. I don’t expect to get much now, but after I start working on some bigger projects I’m hoping to get a few bucks here and there to help keep my going. And finally, I spent a ton of time gathering ideas and information and talking with like-minded folks on both the Buffer Community and Femslack.

The Buffer Community is free if you would like to join but Femslack will cost you, or you can do what I did and write for them instead. It’s worth it!

It’s nice to feel like a part of a community—especially when it’s a secret “members only” one—and to know there are people I can ask questions of or vent to should I every need it. In fact, I’m thinking about setting up a community of my own in the future *wink, wink*

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this coming week should be easier than the last, which means I plan to be hanging around here much more. I have a ton of comments piled up and awaiting replies—I’m so sorry!—and a few posts drafted and waiting to be shared. I want to catch up on the comings and goings of my blogging friends and find some new ones to follow too.

It’s the last before Spring Break too. I don’t have any big plans yet, but my girlfriend and I are hoping to find something big to do. We’d love to get out-of-state for a few days, but I’d settle for just out of the city if I could. Even that might not happen, though. We need a dog sitter first and our usual, my little sister, has school that week. Sigh.

I can’t tell you how badly I need this vacation. I am going crazy doing the same things day in and day out with nothing new to stimulate or inspire me. I don’t care what we do or where we go as long as it is away from work, home, and everyone I know.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that, sadly, we have come to that time. I love chatting with you all and if given half a chance I could probably go on all day long but there are rooms to clean, pets to care for, and shopping to be done, not to mention all the writing itching to get done. So, I’d better get off the internet and out into the real world.

I hope you had a wonderful week I hope you had a relaxing weekend too. Please, take a minute to drop a note in the comments and catch me up on everything that has been going on.

Until next time 🙂

I don't understand how she can sleep with her nose buried in her own ass like that 😝

A post shared by Lisa Blair (@zenandpi) on

***

Check out my weekly-ish newsletter for interesting reads + my own existential musings on life, love, and inevitable human suffering, or buy me a cup of coffee perhaps? 

Written for to the Weekend Coffee Share link-up hosted by Nerd in the Brain

Featured image via Unsplash

If We Were Having Coffee // I Waste Every Weekend

“I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.”

― Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

Hello, dear readers. I know it’s late and I’m sorry for that. I had so much to do. I had to clean the house, do the taxes, and a very special dinner to make, not to mention the accidental nap I took. Next thing I knew, it was dark out, my alarm was telling me to get ready for bed, and I still hadn’t talked to you. I’m here now, though, I couldn’t let the weekend go by without our bit of coffee and catching up. I hope you don’t mind.

From what I hear, depending on when you are reading this and where from, there may be some of you across the country who will be needing a nice warm cup. I don’t want you all to be jealous, but here in colorful Colorado we are experiencing more spring like temps and will be for a while. It’s nice, but there is always the nagging fear of drought conditions. I’m afraid warmer temperatures and less water are going to be our new norm here.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this week has been so, so long. We hired a new employee class at which means I was busy training and teaching. I like this part of my job, and the extra hours/money it provides but damn does it get in the way of writing. I was able to get a few notes down, and this coming week I’m hoping to expand them into blog posts here and pieces for Femplain‘s new project Aloe.

I’m super proud of myself for getting through it with a good attitude, though. I kept my energy up and told myself that since I knew it had been coming, and it is what I signed up for, I just had to suck it up and get it done. And if I had to do it I had better do a good job. There’s not much worse than having to spend the day doing what you would rather not, except doing it badly and having to hear it from your boss or redo it anyway.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that right now, I am very frustrated with myself. My goals most weekends are to work on blog posts for the coming week, work on a couple of pieces to submit somewhere, and work on some art and zine stuff. I never get any of that done. Every weekend without fail I waste about 80% of my time and this weekend was no exception.

During the week my day job keeps my time structured and makes it easy for me to focus on what needs to be done when. My weekends need more structure then I guess. I try to do everything at once. I write, I do the dishes, I watch TV, I spend time with my girlfriend, and I catch up on sleep. I never know which thing I should be doing when, so I do them all, all day.

It’s strange to say I get more done for myself when I am at work than when I am at home, but I realize I am far from ready to work for myself or from home. I need discipline and a plan.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the other half of the problem might be my emotions. I have been all over the place for months now. Part of it was being sick, then the medication, and now, I don’t know what. It’s hard to even tell you exactly what is going on.  I am hopeful, and I have plans but my motivation waxes and wanes randomly and my self-esteem has taken a dip. I’m not sure what to do since I can’t put my finger on exactly what is wrong, but at least I’m aware of it. Sigh.

I have a feeling this coming week I won’t be feeling much better. Between daylight saving time and another busy week lined up at work I have a feeling, there will be more frustration and less satisfying work. I have a doctor’s appointment too. I’m hoping to get more answers about my ulcerative colitis diagnosis, and some help since I do think my symptoms are coming back now that I am off of the steroids.

Keep your fingers crossed, and send some good vibes my way, please?

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that Samurai Jack is back!

If you don’t know who or what Samurai Jack is you should head to Hulu and watch every single episode or head over to Adult Swim and catch the stream over there. The show first aired somewhere around 2001 and ran for four seasons before ending. The ending never felt right, and the show creators have decided to make so many millennial dreams come true by bringing it back after all these years and giving us Jack’s story the proper ending it deserves. Last night the new season premiered and it was everything I hoped it would be. Beautiful cinematography, silliness, sadness, and some serious fight scenes!

I used to watch the show when I was 15 or so, with my little sister. I can’t say I was the biggest fan then, but like so many things, I didn’t realize that the 30 minutes I had to watch that show were among the few happy memories I had as a kid until I was already an adult.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the very special dinner I had to cook turned out wonderfully.

When my girlfriend and I were first together, we used to cook together all the time, but as we got older, it fell to her for the most part. I’m terrible at it, and it feels too much like a chore while she is good at it, and she enjoys it. It felt natural for her to do the cooking and I the cleaning but I miss us laughing and jostling around one another, working together to bring a meal to the table. So, I planned for us to make potstickers, an old favorite we used to buy premade from the store, from scratch.

We started late, and the going was more complicated than I had anticipated—the story of every project we ever start—but they came out beautiful and tasted delicious! Maybe I’ll find something else for us to make next weekend?

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that, sadly, we have come to that time. I have to head to bed now, or I’ll be dragging my feet tomorrow. I hope you had a great week and a relaxing weekend. I hope your coming week is better than the last and that you will stop by the comments and let me know what you’ve been up to.

Until next time :)

***

Check out my weekly-ish newsletter for interesting reads + my own existential musings on life, love, and inevitable human suffering, or buy me a cup of coffee perhaps? :)

Written for to the Weekend Coffee Share link-up hosted by Nerd in the Brain

Featured image via Unsplash

If We Were Having Coffee // A Wonderfully Dull Week

“Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee and just as hard to sleep after.”

—Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift from the Sea

Hello, dear readers! Thank you for stopping by for our weekly bit of caffeine and conversation. This week I’m having some cold brew, homemade and in copious amounts. Since I started tapering off of the steroids, my doc prescribed I’ve had headaches almost daily. It seems that caffeine is the only thing that helps. God, I can’t wait to be off of this stuff.

I feel good today, and I did most of the week. I am 100% sure that it’s down to all the warm weather we have been having. This coming week we’ll have one day of winter-like weather, but the rest of the week we’ll be climbing through the 60s and 70s. Spring is coming y’all!

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this week was pretty uneventful, and it was wonderful. I ended up spending a lot of time alone, even at work, and getting some much-needed writing and brainstorming done.

When I wasn’t out on my route, I was working in an office closed off to other people. The room I work in is also a classroom for new employees so when a new class starts the room in closed off to other employees, except for me because I care for and inventory the equipment stored in there and use the computer and files to track employee testing.

So, I worked and wrote and listened to music and podcast with minimal interruption. It was nice, like a mini vacation, but at work rather than away from work.

I am glad I savored it because this coming week will be a very busy one. That same class that blessed me with a quiet room is the same class I will have to teach now. Classes take up a significant amount of my writing time when they happen, and I dread them, but they are a necessary evil so that I can have a space and a bit of silence to work on what matters to me on a regular basis.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the highlight of the week was the #Losslit, a monthly challenge to write tweet-length responses to ‘loss.’ #Losslit happens the first Wednesday every month, but I’ve never been able to get my shit together enough to properly participate. I always miss the times, or I miss the day entirely, but this month, I put a reminder on my phone.

For the entire 2 hours, I was able to follow along and post a few of my own, some of which got shared among the highlights on Storify. I love little writing exercises these and doing a monthly one takes some of the pressure off of preparation. If you want to participate check out @Losslit‘s twitter.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I am worried about getting sick again. This may not be the best analogy, but I feel like my experience last month left me with a sort of PTSD. I spend a lot of time worrying that every discomfort, every instance of heartburn, stomach upset, headache, or, just anything happening with my body is a signal that all the awfulness of last month is going to return.

I have noticed some symptoms, but I am riding a line between trying not to panic and trying not to brush it off. I suppose I should be telling my doctor this too, but I hate to bother him over nothing, or maybe it is something, but probably it’s nothing, right? Sigh.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you I finally finished Plato’s The Republic! Having a fun book to read after really helped encourage me to get through it and I think it may be the strategy I employ going forward when I find myself burned out on a book. I’m reading The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood now. I’m not sure if it’s good or bad yet, but it is interesting. Dystopian has long been my favorite genre, and there aren’t many written from the female perspective, as far as I know. I’m eager for recommendations if you have any.

I  am just happy to be reading for fun for a while and not to learn. I love non-fiction, and I love learning new things and hearing new points of view, but after a while, I get burned out.

I spent a little time going through my overflowing bookshelf last week in preparation for a purging—a purging which is in preparation for buying a new bookshelf—and realized I had a bunch of books lying around unfinished. Books like Inferno by Dante Alighieri and The Odyssey by Homer both attempted and abandoned because they are hard reads. I am thinking 2017 may be the year of reading books I failed to finish or understand in the past by tempting myself with more exciting and interesting reads after.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I had better get going. My mind feels a little foggy. I’m unfocused, and I feel my motivation waning. I still have so much to do around the house, laundry, dishes, dusting, vacuuming, ugh. I think that if I don’t get up now, I won’t for the remainder of the day, and I’ll be pretty disappointed in myself come evening time.

I hope you all had a good week, or at least one more eventful than mine. Stop by the comments and leave a note, let me know how you are and what your highlight of the week was.

Until next time :)

An American Dream #blackoutpoetry

A post shared by Lisa Blair (@zenandpi) on

***

If you like this post check out my weekly-ish newsletter on life, love, and suffering (:

Written for to the Weekend Coffee Share link-up hosted by Nerd in the Brain

Featured image via Unsplash

If We Were Having Coffee // A Gloomy Day Chat

“I love to drink coffee with people in the morning. And I love to drink coffee in the morning with no one in my fucking face – Excuse my soul.”

— Jack Kerouac, from a letter to Allen Ginsberg

Hello dear readers. Thank you for stopping by on this cold and gloomy day for a bit of coffee and conversation. Days like this are for laying under thick blankets, drinking hot tea, cocoa out of big mugs, and watching TV. Days like this are for staying in your pajamas all day. BUT I want to be productive. There is so much work to be done around the house and a little shopping later. I needed a reason to get up and get moving, and coffee date with you is just the excuse I needed to get me out of bed and dressed.

Thank you.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this past week was a loooooong one. Working for the school district this wasn’t surprising. The week before had been a short one, plus we got a surprise snow day, and this week was one before a three-day weekend. We were still adjusting to the regular schedule and looking forward to another break. Time slowed to a crawl in all that fatigue and anticipation.

On Friday our boss’s boss’s boss came in to talk to us about the hiring shortage and what courses of action the district may be considering. None of it sounded good even though they did their best to sugar coat the situation. As a result, my coworkers were tense, and things turned negative quickly. The future seems pretty bleak, but I feel a renewed motivation to work on finding a way to start making money through writing.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the highlight of the week was the Pulp Fiction movie party at The Alamo Drafthouse Friday night. I had been looking forward to it all week, and through all the frustration and fatigue I stayed positive because I knew I was going to get to sit in a movie theater and see my favorite movie of all time on the big screen. Plus, hearing a hundred or so people quoting along to every f-bomb that Samuel L. Jackson drops is hilarious.

Pulp Fiction is one of those films that you catch something new every time you see it. This last time I realized that near the end when Butch is heading back to his apartment to retrieve his father’s watch, he passes an open window where a radio advertisement for Jack Rabbit Slim’s is playing. The same Jack Rabbit Slim’s restaurant that Mia and Vince eat at earlier in the film.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this coming week is going to be a hard one. I’m spending my day off facing one of my biggest fears, the doctor’s office. It’s been years since I’ve seen a doctor and in that time my body has been falling apart day by day. I have joint pain throughout my body, gastrointestinal problems, peripheral neuropathy, migraines, plus anxiety and panic attacks. I’m sure we will only get to a few of my issues, but it will be a start. I have to get over my fear so I can get well.

The rest of the week I’ll be working, working, working. Most people like to work more, or at least they like when they get paid more for working more, but I don’t always feel like that. I like to have time to write, even if it’s only few minute to write for myself. But this week we have a new class starting, and I have some testing to catch up on. So I might not be around much. Trust me, I’m not happy about it either.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that whatever free time I will have I’ll be working on a piece of Femsplain about mental illness that I really hope will be chosen for their online publication and a set of poems for Platypus Press’s upcoming anthology A Portrait in Blues.

I’ve been published in Femsplain before but the last few pieces I’ve submitted haven’t been chosen. I keep trying though because I love what they do.

I’ve only recently discovered Platypus Press, though, and it has been my dream ever since to be published by them. They seem to have an eye for emotional and intense writing, and if they chose me one day, I would know I was on the right track. Plus, I love how hard they work to promote their writers. They seem like a good home for my work, one day when my work is worthy that is.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that time has seemed to slip away from me and I really must get going if I want to accomplish anything. The Christmas tree has to come down to-day, and I need to get across town for some grocery shopping. It’s been great chatting with you, and if you have a moment before you leave, I’d love if you dropped a comment below and let me know how you have been.

Until next time :)

I'm sick but I'm trying not to be a bitch about it 🙃 #sickandtiredofbeingsickandtired #selfie

A post shared by Lisa Blair (@zenandpi) on

***

If you like this post check out my weekly-ish newsletter on life, love, and suffering (:

Featured image via Unsplash

 

If We Were Having Coffee // A Difficult Return to a Regular Schedule

Hello, dear readers and thank you so much for stopping by. I know its very late and I apologize for that but today was a strange day.

If we were having coffee, I would say that I know it’s very late—and I would apologize for that—but today was a strange day.I spent it fighting against myself. One side of me wanted to be productive. I wanted to clean the house, and write, and take care of a few small projects around the house, but I didn’t. I wanted to read, take down the Christmas tree, finally, and get everything ready for returning to work tomorrow, but I didn’t do any of that either.

For the most part, I did nothing at all except scroll Twitter and listen to podcasts. At this point, I am just happy I made it into the shower and washed my hair, and I got most of the laundry done too. I’m not sure what is wrong, but I suspect it’s the after holiday haze and the difficult return to a regular schedule. I’m just out of it.

***

If we were having coffee This past week was my back to work since having two weeks off for Christmas and New Year’s—perks of working for a school district. I’m still trying to get back into the swing of things I suppose.

I started the week off well. New year, new me! I kept up with my resolutions. I posted here. I wrote bits of poetry. I commented on blogs and even replied to some of you here. I kept up with my journal, my planner, and even doodled a bit in my sketchbook. I didn’t start my Yoga habit yet, but I did cut back on sugar. It was a great week, up until about Wednesday afternoon when all my motivation fizzled out. By Friday I was unmotivated and eating candies and cookies all day.

I’m not surprised. This actually happens every week I had just hoped that since my break wasn’t very productive either I might be able to get my shit together and start 2017 off right. I’m trying hard not to be too disappointed in myself. This is typical, and at least I tried. I plan to try again this week and every week after that. New year, same me.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the weather didn’t help either. The week started out pretty warm, for Colorado winter that is, but by Wednesday we were below freezing. Then the snow moved in. Thursday we saw in sub-zero temperatures and enough snow that school was canceled. I spent my surprise day off sleeping in, watching Netflix, and napping. In other words, I wasted it. Then again, what are snow days for, right?

Friday was rough. We were back to work but on a delayed schedule which is always a big cluster fuck for the transportation department. Luckily I just have just one school, and one kid to worry about. I may have been late, but nothing went terribly wrong. We stayed safe.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you not to take my pessimistic tone too seriously. I’m not happy with myself, sure, but feel good about the coming week. My schedule will be stable, and on Friday I get to see my favorite movie ever on the big screen! That’s right, I have tickets to a Pulp Fiction party this Friday the 13th. How flipping awesome is that?

I can’t imagine that anyone has not seen Pulp Fiction. I don’t see how you could go through life not even accidentally seeing it, but just in case you don’t know how awesome this awesome piece of art is, it’s currently streaming on Netflix. Go watch it. Hell, even if you have seen it go watch it. You can never see it too many times.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I have to get going. I apologize again for showing up so late, and I thank you again for stopping by. I needed this more than I knew.

I hope your first week of 2017 went well. I won’t say I hope you kept your resolutions because that really isn’t what matters. I only hope you haven’t given up. Change is hard.

If you have time, leave a comment and let me know how you are and what you’ve been up to. One of my goals this year is to get over both my fears of feedback and my fear of talking to people online. Your comments help. They give me a space to practice.

Until next time :)

***

If you like this post check out my weekly-ish newsletter on life, love, and suffering (:

Featured image via Unsplash

 

If We Were Having Coffee // I Hate Writing and I Hate Turkey

Hello, dear readers. I’m so glad you’ve stopped by to chat with me. I am feeling much better than I have been these last few weeks. My election depression is wearing off, my cold is long gone, and work hasn’t been too stressful.

It’s been a good week, considering.

***

If we were having coffee, I would start by telling about the crazy weather we’ve been having. This past Thursday we finally got our very first bit of snow for the season. Before that, we were working on something like six weeks without any precipitation at all. Not only that but were seeing temperatures close to 80 degrees some days. That is unheard of for this time of year here.

Our ski resorts had to postpone opening which means our winter tourism business is probably down and I predict another drought next year.

I won’t lie, at first, I really liked it. Now all I can think is this is what climate change will be for us here. We will get dryer and dryer, warmer and warmer. We will live under a constant fire watch, and water will become a real problem. Scary shit.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I am still very far behind on my NaNoWriMo word counts, but I am proud of myself for not giving up. I do have a super easy week coming up at work, and I am determined to do as much as I can to make up the words during this time.

At this point, my strategy is just writing random scenes that may or may not make it into my final book. I am working on figuring who my characters are and getting them into more situations where they interact with on another. I am also trying to add more pain so that later there can be more redemption and happiness. I’m trying to have fun with it.

Some days it’s hard, though. Some days I just don’t feel up to it. Some days my emotions are overwhelming—or underwhelming—or I am too tired, or I’ve had a glass or two of wine, and I can’t get the words to flow. It feels very much like pulling teeth. Like prying things out of my mind and soul with a crowbar. It’s painful and leaves me exhausted and low.

Some days I am not even sure I like writing, which tells me that I am on my way to becoming a real writer.

***

 

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I am still feeling some kind of way about this election. I can’t put my finger on exactly what it is I am feeling now. I’m having a hard time accepting the state of things and my fear feels unmanageable and unreasonable. I am alternating between outrage and numbness. Every other day I am either obsessively consuming the news or avoiding it entirely. I don’t know exactly how to cope, and instead, I am flailing within my own world hoping to find my footing soon.

I don’t know what else to say about this shit show, except to say that, to me, America doesn’t feel especially “great” at all. America feels pretty crappy right now. We’re not the worst, by far, but we are not the best. I have a bad feeling that our time on top has passed and we a falling fast. We can’t see it yet, but it’s been true for a while now. Whatever happens now we will only have ourselves—our stubbornness, our intolerance, and our egos—to blame.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I have made no idea how I am spending Thanksgiving. I know, I know, it’s a little late to be trying to figure it out now, but you have to understand, I don’t even like Thanksgiving, for many reasons.

I’ve read that the real first Thanksgiving was actually in celebration of the Pequot Massacre in which “700 men, women and children” were killed by early settlers. I’m not sure if that is true, or if what I was taught in school was true but I do know that when it comes to the bloody history in this country, we are quick to gloss over or outright erase the worst of it.

We downplay the crimes committed against the Native Americans, and to celebrate Columbus Day and Thanksgiving feels like a slap in the face. We forget all the pain their ancestors endured, and we insult them by not offering a day of remembrance and reflection

Also, it seems a whole lot of work, a whole lot of consumption,  and a whole lot of waste under the guise of gratitude. It feels like a whole lot of bullshit.

Plus, I hate turkey.

***

If we were having coffee, I’d apologize for my negative outlook on the holiday. I do think it’s great that families get together and spend a day enjoying good food and good company. I try to keep that in mind during these times. I just wish we would get rid of the back story.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I had better get doing. It’s getting late, and there are words I have to write for this novel, or whatever it is. I plan to spend the rest of the night writing whatever I can. My hope is 2000 words; I’d be happy with 100 though.

I hope you had a good week and I wish you all the productivity and good vibes you can get in the upcoming days. Please, if you have a moment, drop a note in the comments and let me know how you have been. How are you coping since the election? What are your Thanksgiving plans? And what big projects, NaNoWriMo or otherwise, are you working on.

Until next time :)

My favorite shirt that doesn't belong to me :) #selfie

A post shared by Lisa Blair (@zenandpi) on

***

I started a weekly-ish newsletter on life, love, and suffering. You can sign up here: (:

Featured image via Unsplash