Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday, welcome, and thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up. I’m up, but I wouldn’t say I’m all that awake. Today is the first day in a while that I haven’t had to get up early or rush off to an event or family gathering. My body seems to know I have nowhere to be and very little to do and is refusing to cooperate.
I’m moving slowly, but I’m not fighting it. I’m not resentful or frustrated. I don’t feel guilty or disappointed. I know I need the rest so I might as well enjoy it. I’ll write what I can, clean what I can, and spend the rest of the day watching TV, listening to some podcasts, reading, and catching up with you.
So, fill up a cup—we’ve got a fresh batch of cold brew that’s been steeping since yesterday and plenty of ice to keep us cool— take a seat on the couch and kick your feet up with me. Let’s talk about last week!
“I’ll read my books and I’ll drink coffee and I’ll listen to music, and I’ll bolt the door.”
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this past week was another that felt far from anything that is normal for me. I only worked two days, Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday I was off for the holiday and spent it with my fiance’s family barbecuing, drinking, watching Independence Day, and enjoying an illegal neighborhood fireworks show.
Personally, I’ve never been a fan of these nationalist holidays, but lately, I’ve been using them as an opportunity for reflection and remembrance of the true history and reality of our country, and it’s ideals and impact and spreading that truth. I’d rather think, and help others think critically about our country than participate further in the collective delusion of grandeur and rosy retrospection we cling to. Yes, I am a patriot, and yes, I love my country, and that is how I show it.
Thursday was meant to be spent at the funeral service for my mother’s father, but it has been postponed, so we moved the furniture out of his home to get it ready to sell. On Friday, I had CPR and first aid training for work. It was boring and repetitive, but there is a sense of pride that comes from knowing that you are prepared to step in and maybe even save a life in an emergency.
Most evenings my girlfriend and I were out of the house either celebrating birthdays or helping out with moving or errands. It feels like we’ve barely had time at home, or with one another, but we’ve worked hard to make time, usually deciding to stay up late and sacrifice a few hours of sleep just to enjoy a movie and a bowl of ice cream together.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that, glancing at my calendar, it seems I’m a long way from anything that looks like my normal schedule. I’ve got more family coming to town, more birthday’s to celebrate, and more summer events to attend. I’m really not complaining. It’s nice to have friends and loved ones to spend time with. I’m just tired, so very tired, but who isn’t, right?
Do you ever wish you could just freeze time for a while so you could gather your thoughts, and rest without the world passing you by? Do you ever wish for everything and everyone would just be still and quiet so that you could be still and quiet for a change?
I’m considering planning a day here and there where I unplug totally. No TV, no phone, no people, just me, alone and silent for a whole day. Maybe I’ll spend it in the woods somewhere, or maybe just locked up in my room with a good book or a set of paints to play with. I’ll pretend it a day that lies outside of time, off the calendar, and away from anything that looks like an appointment or to-do list. Wouldn’t that be nice?
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that yesterday I got to spend the day at one of my favorite places with some of my favorite people. My fiance, my youngest sister, and I took my 10-year-old nephew to the Denver Museum of Nature and Science to nerd out and learn a whole bunch about dinosaurs, the human body, North American birds, and space exploration, and the best part is we got to go for free!
We were lucky enough to be in line for tickets in front of a family that had quite a few free passes left over and offered to let us use them. My faith in humanity was briefly restored, and I’m hoping for an opportunity to pay the kindness forward soon.
My nephew had a great time and since we took him before his birthday party—he was actually born on the 4th but it turns out Independence Day isn’t actually a good day for a birthday party with everyone trying to travel and some people still having to work—we made sure to stop by the gift shop for some birthday present shopping.
The trip reminded how much I missed having a kid around who gets excited about the same things I get excited about. Kids see things in ways we can’t and can make something you’ve done a hundred times seem brand new again. They make it easy to be silly and to have fun. It’s going to be hard when he heads home to Texas at the end of the month.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that healthwise I am feeling physically the same and emotionally much better than I was last week. I feel happier, but my self-esteem is low. I’m working on reasoning through self-depreciating thoughts and not being so hard on myself. Breaking up big tasks into manageable chunks and prioritize the things I enjoy makes me feel good and gives me a sense of purpose and accomplishment.
As usual, my goals for this week include making progress through my current read, The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne, writing a few blog posts, and finding a publication to pitch. I doubt I’ll make much progress on any of those though. The “creativity room” is a mess so before I can work on some collaging, I have to get in there and clear some workspace. I’m going to get back to journaling, both in my physical notebook and here. I’ve done my best to keep up with my morning jogging ritual, and I try to make time for the things I enjoy when I can.
Besides the Museum trip I watched a movie I’d wanted to see for a long time, Good Time—an intense, twisting, heart-wrenching crime film that reminded me of one of my favorite novels, Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck—and caught up on the Netflix docuseries, Explained. I took a much-needed break from the news but was happy to see this morning that the boys trapped in the Thailand caves are being rescued.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that it looks like the sun has shifted to the west windows and that means it’s time for me to rush around the house in a panic trying to clean and prepare for the work week to begin tomorrow.
I hope you had a good week. I hope you were able to stay cool and to find time to do something just for you. I hope the coming week will be better than the last and that you’ll have the energy, the focus, and the inspiration you’ve been looking for to accomplish that thing you’ve been working toward.
Until next time.
Thanks for reading! If you like this post check out my weekly-ish newsletter for inspiring reads + existential musings on life, love, and inevitable human suffering. Or help support what I do by sharing a virtual cup of coffee.
Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli