September 2017 // Fall Brings Its Own Kind of Warmth

The last of summer has faded, the leaves are changing, and I feel myself changing too. I’m curling up inside myself, making a place to keep warm and safe before winter moves in. It’s a sad time for me. Summer has always been my favorite season and this time of year is the farthest I will be from that freedom again, but I am trying to change my perspective. I’m learning that fall has its own kind of warmth, one I can find inside myself.

September always feels like the longest month of the year, and this one was no exception. I had a ton of birthdays to mark, my girlfriend, her father, her sister, two of my sisters, one of my brothers, and a cousin. I didn’t celebrate with them as much as I’d wanted to because things are still pretty crazy at work but as the month worn on though things began to calm down. I’m allowing myself to believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel. October might be a return to some normalcy, and I am so ready for it.

But first, here is what I am currently:

Writing…something? I have had an idea, it’s still small, but it’s important and full of potential, I think. See, I’ve been having a hard time dealing with my death anxiety, and everyone is telling me to get help but I already researched ways to cope, and I have plenty of people will listen when I need to talk. The reality is, this will probably always be a part of me, and the best I can do is learn to soothe and redirect myself when I need to, but there may be something else I can do. Maybe turning it into something creative and giving it a purpose can help too. I’m writing things down, but I have no idea what they will be exactly. It’s exciting!

Planning My next big writing goal, another fellowship, this time it’s with Buzzfeed! The BuzzFeed Emerging Writers Fellowship includes four months of financial support and mentorship focusing on personal essays and cultural reporting and criticism from Buzzfeed!. It’s a dream come true. Applications are due by December 4th, and while that might seem like plenty of time, there’s a lot that is required, and I figure I better get started before my brain has time to get overwhelmed or decide it’s a waste of a time for a talentless hack such as myself.

Making a very long list of blog post ideas. This blog hasn’t been focused in a very long time, and I want to get control of it and make it into what I always wanted it to be. A place for self-care, mindfulness, philosophy, science, art, society, and culture. Whew! I’ve got my topics figured out, at least 15 in all, and I’m writing 3 posts for each slowly but surely to get me started. You won’t see them for awhile, maybe not even until the new year, but they are coming.

Anticipating Halloween! It’s time to get spooky dear readers, and I am ready! This month we are seeing a ballet performance of Dracula, a play about Jack the Ripper starring a friend of ours, and heading to a haunted house with friends. I’m hoping to hit up Fright Nights at Elitch Gardens, a movie party at the Alamo Drafthouse, and a party if I can convince some friends of friends to open their home. Mostly though I will be watching every horror movie, I can find streaming on Netflix, Amazon, Hulu, and HBO!

Reading Phi: A Voyage from the Brain to the Soul by Giulio Tononi. I’ve read it before but it’s such a beautiful book, bok in its writing and in the presentation, I had to pick it up again. I finished Mrs. Dalloway, finally, and breezed through Memoirs of a Geisha and One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest as well this month. I’ve started setting a goal of 40 pages a day, and reading during my lunch and between my afternoon routes instead of napping. It has really helped, and there’s hope yet that I might accomplish my reading goal for the year if I keep it up.

Watching The Duece on HBO, Starring big names like James Franco and Maggie Gyllenhaal The Duece is a semi-fictional account of the rise of the porn industry during the 70s in New York. The show is only a few episodes in, but I can tell you its pretty damn good so far. I’ve also been watching American Horror Story: Cult and the new season of Transparent but neither has sucked me in like The Duece.

Feeling A bit introverted lately. Maybe it’s just the changing of the seasons, or my focus on this new project and my lofty writing goal, or maybe it’s my anxiety, I’m not sure, but something is putting up a wall between me and everyone around me. I’ve turned into  Very Serious Woman with no time for jokes. Having any kind of conversation feels pointless, and I can’t imagine there is anything anyone might say that would make me feel better. Of course, I know that isn’t true, and I’m trying to make time every day to socialize in some way. It’s good for people to be with people, even when we least want to be.

Needing more hours in the day, please? I know that isn’t possible, so I’m willing to settle for more days doing more of what I want and less of what the world needs. This damn capitalist culture is taking all of my free time and paying me back very little of what these precious hours of my life are worth.

Loving fall cocktails! My girlfriend has been making Hot Buttered Rum before bedtime, and I’ll be picking up some Fireball Whiskey to make Angry Balls too. I’m even thinking about trying these Caramel Apple Mimosas. They look delicious!

Hating Um, Trump? Again? More? I mean a week doesn’t go by where he doesn’t say something insulting or inflammatory and nothing his administration has done makes me feel like this country is great and has only confirmed that we never really were in the first place. The American Dream made that man. He’s everything this country pushes people to be and that ought to be a warning and reason enough to reevaluate everything we think is good and right in the world. The people of Puerto Rico are in my thoughts, and I am proud of every player taking a knee.

Hoping October takes it easy on my loved ones and me. After Halloween, the pressure of the holidays follows. The pressure to be the most giving, the most grateful, the happiest, and most tolerant of your family’s crap because they are family. It’s supposed to be the most wonderful time, but it’s the most stressful! October will be the last chance I’ll have to enjoy being a little selfish. I hope the month’s demands won’t be too harsh.

All in all, September was alright. I was busy and anxious for most of it, but I’m proud to have made it through still focused and motivated. I’m proud that I never once let the demands put on me by work and family pull me down into depression and I never gave up on my personal goals. I simply did my work quickly and utilized every minute I had left over to further my goals. At least, I did on most days. There were certainly a few evenings I came home to grouchy and full of pity for myself to do anything. As always though, progress, not perfection is the goal. I am definitely progressed!

So, how about you? How did September treat you? What did you accomplish? What did you learn? Do you have any fun Halloween plans or costume ideas?

Let me know in the comments (:

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Thank you for reading! If you like this post check out my weekly-ish newsletter for inspiring reads + existential musings on life, love, and inevitable human suffering. Or help support what I do by sharing a cup of coffee.

The inspiration for this posts come from Andrea at Create.Share.Love.

Featured image by Owen CL on Unsplash

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August 2017 // I Did the Thing!

Wow, the end of August really snuck up on me! I went the half the day writing the date on forms and staring at it on my calendar before I realized what it meant, tomorrow is September, and then it took the other half to reflect on everything that happened.

This month was a buzzing busy one. The kids have all gone back to school with means I have gone back to working a regular schedule and this school year has been off to the rockiest start I’ve seen in my 11 years here. With the employee shortage, we are all having to chip in and work a little more. My girlfriend is working very long hours, so I’ve been picking up some slack at home all the while plugging away at a big scary goal I had at for myself too. I sent in an application for the Bitch Media Fellowship for Writers under the topic of sexual politics.

I’ve never done anything like this before which means I had no experience working cover letters, crafting a CV, or putting together writing samples, but I did it. I agonized over it. I fought my fear of it. I thought of my future self and how I hoped she would be proud rather than disappointed. I did the thing, guys. I did the big scary thing, and now I’m ready for September to begin.

But before it does, here is what I am currently:

Writing: Nothing. Well, not nothing. I’m posting here and working on a few little things, but after having worked so hard on that application, I’m kind of burned out. I’m going to take a little break from the pressure and deadlines. I’m just reading and brainstorming. I say nothing, and I say I’m taking a break but to be honest with you I’ve already been making interesting little notes I might make into something one day.

Planning a long weekend away! So, work got in the way, and our big trip west won’t be happening after all. Bummer. But since my girlfriend’s birthday is on Sunday, and since this weekend marks the 40th anniversary of Close Encounters of the Third Kind, and since Birth.Movies.Death is teaming up with SyFy and showing the movie in Wyoming at the base of Devil’s Tower we ARE DRIVING NORTH FOR THE WEEKEND! I’m so excited. Oh, and I guess I better start planning for the 100 other birthdays of close friends and family falling in this month too.

Making a new art journal. I think I’ve said this before, and I didn’t really do it, but I finally have just the right piece of cardboard for the cover and plenty of scrap paper to make a nice thick book out of it. I want so badly to get back into drawing but trying to do it in the same art journal I failed to keep up with is just a reminder of my failure. I can’t draw when I feel like a failure, so there needs to be a clean slate. Art will be the thing I do that is entirely for me. Writing used to be that thing, but now I write for you all too, and while I love sharing my passion with you, I’m just one of those people who needs something that is just for me too.

Anticipating the end of September! I hate to see the season go but Halloween is my favorite holiday, and as far as I’m concerned it begins on October 1st. I’m ready for candy corn and all the horror movies I can watch. The good ones and the cheesy ones too, I love them all. Plus I’m so ready for the next season of Stranger Things. I have a feeling September is going to dragggggggggg.

Reading Mrs. Dalloway, still, because I caved and reinstalled Candy Crush on my phone. I’m so addicted to the game that even talking about it now makes me want to close my laptop and get a hit of that sweet, sweet color matching action. I need to delete it, and I will, I promise, just one…more…level. It’s not just the game though, the book’s stream of conscious style was hard to get the hang of, but I am making progress. I believe I’ll get through it before the weekend is over. Next up I’ll be reading either Twelfth Night by William Shakespeare or Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden.

Watching Last Chance High on Viceland. Many of the years 11 years I’ve worked in this school district were spent with children who have emotional and behavioral disorders. These kids are defiant, violent, and angry but they are also so caring, and smart, and afraid. There is a serious lack of public understanding of how these disorders develop and how to treat them. People believe these kids need to be ashamed, bullied, and beat into better behavior but it is precisely this treatment that leads to this behavior. Last Chance High chronicles the harsh world these kinds of kids live in and teaches us that love, affection, protection, and understanding is how you help them heal.

Feeling a little alone. I’m surrounded by people who are too busy living their own lives to pay attention to me, but I’m doing my best not to be too whiny about it. I’m taking some time to learn how to be alone with myself without anxiety and existential dread creeping in. I’m learning to be self-motivated and disciplined and to soothe myself and take care of me without help. I’ve never been on my own, and even now I’m not truly alone, only bored and having a small internal tantrum over not having attention paid to me the moment I want it.

Needing the world to get back on some kind of even keel again. Everything feels so upside down and up in the air. I’m afraid of the future, for our country and for my own small family and circle of friends. The big political and economic landscape have had real world effects. My job can’t find or keep enough qualified employees, my friends can’t afford the skyrocketing rent prices in this city, and I’m afraid to lose my rights, my healthcare, and my sanity. I’m worried about war and natural disasters victims who will lose their homes. I’m afraid there is nothing I can do, and I’m afraid there is so much I can do, and I’m only too weak or lazy to do it.

Loving that last season of Game of Thrones! Best season yet despite being so short. Every episode was action packed and full of surprises and bombshells of information. I sat on the edge of my seat for seven whole weeks. I have no idea how I’m going to wait out the next year or two until the eighth season premieres, and I have no idea how I will live without the show in my life after that final season ends.

Hating that I’ve had to stop being so open to people emotionally. I used to pride myself on being so willing to hear the pains and complaints of others. I k ow how much we all just want to be heard and I know not every is so lucky to have someone in their lives to listen, but lately, there has been so much negativity and lying around me that I’ve had to take a step back. With my own support system working at a lower capacity than usual I just don’t have the emotional strength right now to deal with toxic attitudes. I hate it, but it’s necessary for now.

Hoping I get picked for this fellowship, and I’m also hoping I don’t. I want it because I really think with some mentorship and a little direction I could turn out to be at the very least a damn decent writer. I want this because it will give me a purpose and a place for my writing to call home. I want this because I want to feel proud and I want people to feel proud of me too. But as much as I want it I still have this sinking feeling that I’m not good enough and that I have made myself a liar by trying to convince the nice people at Bitch Media that I am. I’m afraid to waste their time, to find out I’m incompetent, and to let everyone down. Mostly I’m just hoping I can put it out of my mind and keep myself from going crazy until November 15th when the 2018 fellows are announced.

Mostly I’m just hoping I can put it out of my mind and keep myself from going crazy until November 15th when the 2018 fellows are announced.

All in all, this month was a really hard one, but I’m so proud of myself, and my girlfriend, and of us for making it through it all together.This month was about growth and maturity and about loving each other enough to put our own feelings and sometimes needs aside to be supportive of one another. She supported me and took time out of her day to proofread and give me her opinion. I did my best to take some worries off her mind, and we both let go of our frustration to make the most of what time we had.

I hope things improve next month, but I know that if it doesn’t, we can handle it. We can take on whatever the world throws at us, separately and together. We’re growing up finally, and it feels good.

So, how about you? How did August treat you? Are you ready for fall? Do you have any last-minute summer plans to squeeze in? What did you think of Game of Thrones season 7?

Let me know in the comments (:

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Thank you for reading! If you like this post check out my weekly-ish newsletter for inspiring reads + existential musings on life, love, and inevitable human suffering. Or help support what I do by sharing a cup of coffee.

The inspiration for these posts come from Andrea at Create.Share.Love.

Featured image by Dixit Motiwala on Unsplash

 

May 2017 // The Most Wonderful Time of the Year is Here

Summer doesn’t officially start for another few weeks here in the northern hemisphere, but in my heart and mind, it’s already here. This is my favorite time of year but to be honest, I’m not sure why. The heat is intense, the bugs are everywhere, and the threat of severe weather is worrisome but something about the season makes me feel alive and happy again. I love the rain that rolls in the evenings and the warm nights I spend on bar patios with friends. Summer is when new connections are forged, and beautiful memories are made. I’m so ready to see what June has in store for me.

But before I do, here is what I am currently:

Writing some essays, or, I am learning how to write essays anyway. I’ve decided, I think, that becoming an essayist is the dream. I’m hoping to learn by example. I’m consuming popular longform non-fiction pieces from my favorite publications, reading print magazines, and this month I’ll be diving into some work from one of the greats, James Baldwin. So, the writing around here is going to get a bit more serious, and some of the fun and personal type stuff, book reviews, poetry, etc., will probably be moving to Tumblr.

Planning the design of the first issue of Zen and Pi the zine. I now I have been talking about this forever, but this time I mean it. I wanted to complete one project this summer, and this is it. By the middle of August, I need to have something ready for print at the very least. I’ll have more info next month.

Making some big home improvements! I haven’t written much about my house, but that’s because I hate it. We bought it years ago, during the recession, when we didn’t know what we were doing. We got a good deal, but it needs a lot of work. Unfortunately, we’ve learned that home ownership isn’t exactly for us and we’ve barely made any progress fixing this place up but if I ever want to be happy here, or sell this place and find a home I love, I have to start. First up is a new swamp cooler, then paint, then flooring maybe?

Anticipating Game of Thrones season 7! Okay, so GoT doesn’t actually premiere until July 16th, but it’s all I can think about, as far as media and pop culture go. Outside of that, I’m looking forward to Denver’s Pridefest the weekend of the 17th. I wish the parade wasn’t scheduled for the same day as Father’s Day though. Every year I feel like I have to choose or try to squeeze in both.

Reading The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald, one of the many used books I’ve picked up over the past few weekends. I finally finished The Mind’s I: Fantasies And Reflections On Self & Soul by Daniel C. Dennett and Douglas R. Hofstadter. This is my second attempt. It was still hard to get through, but this time I really tried, and it was so worth it. I’ll still need a third read through though.

Watching Sense8 and House of Cards on Netflix. Sense8 is visually amazing, the acting is on point, and sci-fi enough to get you out of your head and away from all the crap going on in the news. House of Cards is the opposite. It’s this world, only worse, which, I’ve learned, can be therapeutic in its own way. Plus, Claire Underwood is the smartest, sexiest, most badass female character I love to hate at the moment *heart eyes emoji*.

Feeling better! Last month my doctor expressed some doubt that the medication we started with would keep my ulcerative colitis symptoms under control. I won’t know for sure until I’m off of the steroid I’m on for short-term relief, but so far, through tapering off, I’m still doing okay. I think this is a good sign. If I feel good through the end of June, I may be able to stay on these meds rather than moving into harsher options. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Needing a little reassurance from the universe that all this good in my life isn’t a sign that terrible things are on the horizon. I don’t know how to feel gratitude and practice mindfulness with all this anxiety. I don’t deserve so much in life, I’m worried there will be hell to pay eventually.

Loving the fact that my local Alamo Drafthouse is hosting a WOMEN ONLY screening of the new Wonder Woman film and gives no fucks about the backlash from weak egoed men. I’m also living the fact that they offered free tickets to the new creepy movie. It Comes at Night for rewards members. Seriously, if there’s an Alamo Drafthouse in your city, there’s no reason for you to go to any other theater. If there isn’t, bug them until there is.

Hating that I’m losing my route next year. It’s a lot to get into, a lot of politics and specifics I’m not even sure I’m allowed to get into but basically, the school district I work for is experiencing an employee shortage, and things have to change to maximize the people we have. So my easy-peasy route with the perfect hours and the awesome kid is going away, and I have to make some tough choices next year. Also, I still hate Donald Trump and every single Republican asshat pushing cruel and destructive healthcare and environmental policies. I cannot wait for midterm elections!

Hoping the summer passes slowly, but I know it won’t. The winter months drag on for eternity, and the summer is never long enough to recover from the cold and drab and depressing. Maybe I’ll learn how to slow down time?

All in all, this month was good, but I may have been too busy looking ahead to really appreciate it. I have to try harder to appreciate where I am. Where I am going will come soon enough, and when it does, I want to know I enjoyed every step of the way there.

So, how about you? Was May good or bad to you? What are you looking forward to in June? Are you as in love with Claire Underwood as I am? Let me know in the comments (:

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Check out my weekly-ish newsletter for interesting reads + some of my own existential musings on life, love, and inevitable human suffering, or help support what I do by sharing a cup of coffee.

The inspiration for these posts come from Andrea at Create.Share.Love.

Featured image via Unsplash

Currently // December 2016

Welp, we’ve come to the end of another month, and I wanted to take a moment to share with you how I feel, all the changes I have made, and everything I am looking forward to. Here is what I am currently:

Writing poems, lots of poems. I am trying something a little different for awhile. I used to hate poetry but over the past year I’ve written a few small things here and there just to change it up, and I’ve slowly fallen in love with the medium. I’m thinking of putting together a collection next year if I can write anything worth sharing.

Planning my wedding! We’ve been engaged for so long, but we can’t ever seem to save enough to manage our time well enough to make it happen. We’ve had to push the date back again, BUT we have chosen a venue, and we even made a guest list. It’ll happen eventually, sigh.

Making a mini-zine all about how much I suck at making zines. I got the idea from this beautifully messy Tumblr post all about zine making. I’m over thinking the whole thing, I know, and I am scared too. I want to make something perfect, and that just isn’t the point. The words are the point. The ideas and the feelings and getting them out that is what I need to focus on.

Anticipating all the great movies, music, and TV shows coming in 2017. The return of Game of Thrones and Stranger Things! Star Wars: Episode VIII, Logan, and Wonder Woman! And, maybe, that fabled Kendrick Lamar and J. Cole project will drop? It’s going to be a wonderful year in pop culture.

Reading Republic by Plato. Wow, this is not a very fun read, but there are some pretty important ideas in this book, and I think I should try to understand them. I’ve been thinking a lot about elections, and democracy, and the inherent flaws of various systems of government, and I hear Plato had a few things to say on the subject.

Watching nothing at the moment. I finished TheOA, True Detective, and Narcos all within the last month. I’m on the lookout for some new shows to watch so if you have any recommendations drop them in the comments, please.

Feeling lost. I feel like I am floating out in the middle of the ocean with no idea in which direction to start swimming. I desperately want to find land, but I don’t know how to get there.  My self-esteem has taken a dip in the last few months, but I feel incredibly motivated and hopeful. I want to do something, but I don’t know what I can do or if I will be any good at whatever it is.

Needing to get back to my regular schedule already. I had hoped that having all this time off would be good for my writing but the holidays ruined all of that. I tried but the truth is having a day job is the best thing for me right now. It gives me a reason to get up early. It gives me a schedule to keep. It gives me a place to work quietly and away from distraction and the pull of Netflix and my couch. Just a few more days.

Loving this bit of advice from Seth Godin. This past year I didn’t write as much on current events as I wanted to simply because I felt I didn’t know enough about an issue to have anything to say about it. I told myself I didn’t know the first thing about politics, war, and civil rights but Seth reminded me that I did. I know something, I know how I feel so far, and I know that I don’t know it all, and knowing all that means I can start.

Hating Donald Trump, still. Sorry but I’m not sorry. The man seems to be doing whatever the hell he wants and making the entire country and nearly every institution we hold dear look like one big joke. I am embarrassed by him, and I am angry beyond words about his appointments and conflicts of interest.

Hoping that 2017 will be a year of motivation and milestones. I am working on a list of resolutions to share with you either later today or early tomorrow. There is a lot I want to do, and I think with focus and flexibility I can make some big things happen.

All in all, I had a good month and despite my emotional ups and downs, the deepening dread I feel for our collective future, and the stress of gift giving and receiving, I honestly felt surrounded by love and warmth and grateful for all the people in my life. I’m looking forward to January, and to 2017, and an incrementally better me, hopefully :)

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If you like this post check out my weekly-ish newsletter on life, love, and suffering (:

The inspiration for this post comes from Andrea at Create.Share.Love.

Featured image via Unsplash

Currently // November 2016

This one is a little late, I know, but November was a hard month and as hard as I tried I just couldn’t find the time to get this written before the 30th. I still wanted to write it and share it with you, though. I want you to know about all the changes I have made, and what I am looking forward to in December. Better late than never, right?

So, here is what I am currently:

Writing my zine! I was able to get 50,000 words of my novel written for NaNoWriMo (Yay!) and, to be honest with you, that pace kind of burned me out. I think I might put it aside for now and work on another project, one I have been trying to get off the ground for a very long time. The zine will have the same title as this blog, and it will be what I always meant for this blog to be, a mixture of science and poetry. More details to come :)

Planning a new year of blog posts and ideas. Everything fell behind last month when I found that I had no time for anything except research and writing for NaNo. I fell behind in a lot of planning for this blog and my goals to get my work published other places too. So I’m dusting off my calendars, planners, and notebooks, and working on my to-do list and my editorial calendar.

Making a real effort to start talking about what I do and what I hope to do with my family and friends. I enjoy talking to all of you about my goal, dreams, and accomplishments but my closest friends never hear any of it. They have very little idea what I am doing when I go off on my own to type away on my tiny keyboard. I suppose I figure you all will understand and they won’t. I guess I’m just afraid to be laughed at. I have to get over that, though, and soon before I really start putting myself out there, right?

Anticipating the crazy Christmas season. Usually, I don’t care much for either Thanksgiving, or Christmas, or even for New Years but this year I feel differently. I wonder if it’s me getting older, or maybe I’m just happier and feeling more positive. Maybe I’m just desperate for any scrap of positivity I can find now that Trump and Company are doing scary things to the government. Either way, I’m glad to be feeling happy.

Reading The Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr. and E.B. White. It’s a very short book, but it’s boring! I’m almost there, though, and I’ll finally be able to move on to Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg. By the time I’m done with that, I am sure I will have had my fill of writing advice for a while, and I’ll return to fiction.

Watching Narcos on Netflix. I was watching The Fall which sounded very promising (plus I have a serious lady crush on Gillian Anderson *drools*) but the ending royally pissed me off. I can’t even talk about it right now, ugh. Narcos, on the other hand, is excellent. Don’t watch The Fall, watch Narcos instead.

Feeling a little lost now that NaNoWriMo is over. I worked so hard and accomplished this amazing feat, and I look around, and the world is still spinning the way it always has and the people around me are still doing the same things they always do. I guess I feel like I didn’t actually accomplish anything. Not really. I suppose that’s just a reminder that while I got through step one, there are many many more steps to go. Sigh.

Needing the next couple of weeks to just came and go quickly and easily. The best part of working for a school district is getting all the time off that the kids get. Two weeks off for Christmas feels so, so good. My plan is to write of course but I’ll more than likely end up sleeping in and binge watching more Netflix.

Loving my lady. She’s pretty awesome, and I’m so lucky to get to know her and have her in my life. I almost feel guilty, listening to my friends talk about their relationship woes and how harsh, and scary, the dating world is but then I remember that relationships aren’t easy either and it’s taken a lot of painful self-examination to get to where we are, 14 years and counting! I don’t feel guilty anymore, I feel proud, of both of us.

Hating Donald Trump.

Hoping December will be a month of preparation and planning so that 2017 can start off on the right foot. I want this next year to be a year of feeling, for the first time, that I am a real writer. I want to find a community to belong to, to write for, to be encouraged by. I want to feel the validation that comes with receiving a real life monetary payment for the words I work so hard to string together.

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I started a weekly-ish newsletter on life, love, and suffering. You can sign up here: (:

The inspiration for this post comes from Andrea at Create.Share.Love.

Featured image via Unsplash

Currently // September 2016

We’ve come to the end of another month and, as always, I want to share with you all that is going on with me, all the changes I have made, and what I am looking forward to. This is what I am currently:

Writing a ton of notes and ideas and maybe my first ever outline for my first ever novel. I’m participating in NaNoWriMo this year, maybe, probably, I dunno, I’m really scared. I’ve got a few characters in mind, a few ideas for a plot, and little more. Wish me luck and if you’re participating let me know maybe we can be writing buddies or something.

Planning my blog posts three whole months in advance, as a serious blogger should. Be warned, though, because of this little novel writing thing you may see a reduction in post frequency. I’ll try not to abandon you for too long at a time.

Making the most of all of my newly found free time. I know it doesn’t look like much is going on around here, but I promise you every day a little progress is made behind the scenes, changes to the blog, changes to my newsletter, a few things written for that zine I’m never going to finish, and more!

Anticipating the release of two movies this month. First, The Handmaiden, an erotic psychological thriller about a young Japanese Lady and a Korean woman who is hired to serve as her new handmaiden, but is secretly plotting to defraud her of a large inheritance. Second, Moonlight, about an African-American man who struggles to be himself over three periods of his life, trying to come out but also stay faithful.

Reading Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. I know it’s a classic and all, but I’m not sure I like it. I’m already a third of the way through so I’m going to finish it up, but it’s got to be the most predictable book ever written, ever.

Watching American Horror Story: Roanoke. This season is by far the best one and the only one to genuinely creep me out. I worry that, like every season of American Horror Story, it’s going to get sloppy and scattered very soon leaving me disappointed and sad.

Feeling the Halloween spirit! I hate fall, but I love everything about Halloween. I love the pumpkins, I love the haunted houses, I love the costumes, and I especially love all the scary movies.

Needing a new snake baby. Yes, I love snakes. I have two already Delilah and Ava, but I want another one. I just need space and my girlfriend’s okay. She’s worried about spending more money on frozen mice and electricity for the heating pads. I’m wearing her down slowly.

Loving candy corn! I know it’s weird and the texture is a little bit like candle wax, but I can’t help myself, it so good. I buy bag after bag of the sugary goodness and eat and eat until my stomach hurts. Luckily in a few weeks, they’ll stop selling the stuff.

Hating this goddamn election. I love politics, I really do, but this election has been a joke from the beginning. To be clear, Trump and his campaign are the joke I speak of, and it is Trump in particular whom I hate.

Hoping that this winter won’t be so bad. I know I’ve spent a lot of time whining about winter, and unfortunately, I am going to keep on whining until April. It helps me cope. I’m sorry I’m not sorry.

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The inspiration for this post comes from Andrea at Create.Share.Love.

Featured image via Unsplash

Currently // August 2016

We’ve come to the end of another month and, as always, I want to share with you all that is going on with me, all the changes I have made, and what I am looking forward to. This is what I am currently:

Writing my blog post in advance so that I might have a little more time to write for places other than here. I have a long list of publications that I’m interested in being a part of and one by one I’m making my way through them.

Planning something for my lovely lady’s birthday this month, or trying to anyway. I’m not very good at this.

Making very slow progress through my art journal. I had hoped to post pics of it at least weekly but like all things I plan, it’s coming along slower than anticipated. I haven’t given up, though.

Thinking the limits of the human mind. I’d never considered that there might be things we just can’t do. Like everyone, I saw an unlimited possibility for all of us, but maybe there are things we can’t do or know, or decisions we can’t make? It’s strange and exciting to feel the boundaries of human potential.

Reading The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. I thought it was boring at first, and I had to force myself through the beginning but things are picking up, and I’m finding I can’t put it down. Look for a proper review, and one for Catch-22, in the coming weeks. 

Watching The Night Of on HBO!  Actually, I just finished it and I’m very sad it’s over. It’s pretty dark, pretty twisted, and it has a lot to say about the what human flaws. My kinda show exactly!

Feeling winter approaching. I hate winter. I hate being cold, I hate snow, and I hate when everything goes all gray, and the world looks dead. Winters are long here, and I am trying to prepare for the feelings of depression and hopelessness that will hang around me until April.

Needing to hurry up and get this driving thing done. I’ve finished my first lesson, and I am desperate to practice, take another lesson, and maybe get my license soon. We need another car badly, but I don’t feel comfortable practicing in our car until we get a few things fixed on it.

Loving Butterfinger candy bars again. They were my childhood favorite, and I recently rediscovered them during a strange period of craving sweets. I never crave sweets but for some reason, all of a sudden Butterfingers are what my body says it needs. I’ll try not to let them become a bad habit.

Hating the Donald Trump campaign more and more every day. He’s horrible, and I still cannot understand how he made it this far. That’s not true; I can understand, I just hate it. I hate that there are people in this country who subscribe to an “Us vs. Them” mentality and choose to support a candidate who thinks this country belongs to certain people only.

Hoping that my girlfriend’s workload lightens soon, and she can stop working late into the evening and weekends too. I understand she has a very important job, and there is a lot on her plate all the time, but I miss her dammit!

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The inspiration for this post comes from Andrea at Create.Share.Love.

Featured image via Unsplash