198//365 — Home is Where Growth Happens

It’s nice to have friends who think on the same wavelengths we do. That is what friends are for after all. They’re versions of ourselves that we enjoy being around before going home to what you really need, to be with someone very different from us.

Because that is where the real growth happens, not with people who think like you but with people who don’t. It happens at home where it might not always feel nice. It might look more like arguing than compromise, or more like sulking, resentment, and defensiveness. Home is where you work out who you are with someone who’s working out who they are too. It’s messy, it’s beautiful, it’s life, and it just can’t happen when two people are too much alike.

To the woman I love, thank you for having the same life goals as me and very different ideas about how to get there. Thank you for your almost alien perspective. Thank you for your outside interests. Thank you for your baggage and your bias. If not for you, sure, I might still be able to think and sympathize outside of my own experience but I would never have been capable of taking the leap to living outside of my comfort zone.


I’m doing something new here. In addition to my regular blog post, I’m adding these journal entries. The goal is to post one every day hence the title of each will be the current day number out of 365. I was inspired to try this by Thord D. Hedengren.

Oh, and, as always, thank you for reading. If you like this post check out my weekly-ish newsletter for inspiring reads + existential musings on life, love, and inevitable human suffering. Or help support what I do by sharing a virtual cup of coffee.


Wedding Fever!

Last week we attended my cousin’s wedding and now we are have full-blown wedding fever. We have been engaged since Augast of last year but due to money issues and just generally not knowing what we are doing we have pushed the wedding back to sometime in the summer of 2016. I am pretty sad about this. No one in my immediate family has had a real wedding and honestly no one in my extended family had either until my cousin’s. I admit I wanted to be the first.


Right now my lovely fiance is sitting on the other side of the couch playing songs on spotify that could be first dance songs, or walk down the aisle songs, or father/daughter dance songs. We are rethinking our theme (or lack of) and going over venue options. Wedding planning is easy when you are just talking and thinking about what you would like. It gets hard when the concepts of budget comes in to the discussion.We want our wedding to be big and fun and as traditional as a lesbian wedding can be.

We don’t really have anyone who can help pay for our wedding so everything we do has to be diy or cheap. We are going to try do it as classy as we can though. It’s hard for me to reconcile my dream of a big, traditional wedding with my rational mind. All I can think about is that we are going to spend all this money for one night. I can’t help it though. I am a girl and I want my day!


I imagine me and my girl standing at the alter looking fabulous. Our wedding party will be all of our siblings. They will look fabulous too. We are going to write our own vows and they will be honest and sweet. Everyone will cry. Then we will have an amazing reception. It will be summer so I’d like to have both an indoor and outdoor area for people to drink and mingle.

I want to have a food truck because it seems fun and it’s the thing people are doing now. Later in the night we might even have an ice cream truck for dessert. I want the atmosphere to be relaxed, yet sophisticated. I want the decore to have an industrial chic feel. The wedding will be late in the afternoon and we will party as late as we can. There will be string lights and sparklers to light up the night. We will dance to all of me and my girls favorite songs.


The night will end in happiness and love. Our guests will comment about how perfect we are and how they all hope to find a love like ours one day. They will tell us they had a wonderful evening and that they are so very happy for us. We will all be talking about it for a long while. All of our friends will have wedding fever just like we do now.


Before all of that can happen we have to get through the planning and right now it all seems overwhelming. I don’t know how we can do this all on our own. We are definitly going to need help from our mother’s and sisters and girlfriends. We don’t even know where to start! The plan right now is to just start saving money like crazy and try to pin down a venue and a date. Then we will work on the exact guest list and her dress. Then invitations and everything else…..sigh.

How do people do this? How do you wade through all the options and pin down exactly what you want? One thing at a time I guess, just like everything else in life. I just hope we can do it without losing our minds.


All images are via me and my fiance’s shared Wedding Inspiration board on pinterest. The photo of the ring is her actual engaement ring which I purchased from metalmorphoz on Etsy.