April 2017 // My Birthday Month is Over

May snuck up on me guys! I wasn’t ready to start looking back or looking forward, I was too busy just enjoying the right now. April was good! It was my birthday month if you remember me mentioning it in my last “Currently” post and I celebrated it the whole just as I hoped to. I hate to leave this time behind, but it’s time to take the focus from selfish wants to bigger things. It’s time to see what May has in store.

But before we do, here is what I am currently:

Writing to-do list after to-do list after to-do list. I’m trying to stay on task now and come up with a real plan for starting and completing real projects where I make real tangible things to make some real tangible money. I love blogging, but I want to do so much more. I say that every month I know, but I realized that I have to work on building the right habits. I have to learn how to plan and how to work through my fear and doubts.

Planning a summer project. In just a few weeks my schedule is going to change a bit, and for the easier, I hope, and I’d love to use that time to start a small practice project. I failed miserably at the A to Z Blogging Challenge, but instead of letting it go or giving up, I think I’d like to make a zine out of the thing. I Think it will be a good stepping stone to bigger things next year.

Making a real effort to produce less trash. I’ve started to face the ways that I am personally responsible for the current state of the planet. I use too much energy. I waste too much water. I produce too much waste. I want to do better. I’m starting by replacing a lot of the disposable items I buy with zero waste alternatives.

Anticipating the contagious feeling of freedom that comes from working with children about to go on summer vacation. When you are an adult who works in the public education system, you can’t help but catch a little of the enthusiasm and happiness that the children exude around you. I have to work through the summer, but still, it feels like I am looking forward to days spent outdoors, in parks and next to pools too.

Reading a huge book, intimidating in both size and subject matter. The Mind’s I, edited by Douglas R. Hofstadter and Daniel C. Dennett, is a collection of writings from some pretty big names on how we develop a sense of personhood and the difference between self and soul. It’s very interesting, but it’s not easy. I also read Orlando by Virginia Woolf this month, a surprising and beautiful story about a man who becomes a woman and lives for over 400 years.

Watching The Handmaid’s Tale and American Gods two shows I was super excited for last month and two shows I highly recommend you check out. I highly recommend the books too! This month I am looking to House of Cards which looks even scary than the Trump Presidency and a welcome escape.

Feeling tired, so, so, tired, and a little down. I think a lot of it is because of the steroid I’m on to suppress my immune system. It’s working, I feel better, but the side effects are rough. My moods, my appetite, my energy levels, they are all over the place but I’m tapering off of them, and I’m hoping for the last time for a long while. It all depends on whether or not my other medication works. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Needing a new place to write for. Femsplain, the first online publication to accept my work, and pay me, is closing its doors. They have a new project, Aloe, of which I am also a contributor, but Femsplain was my first home, and I am sad to see it go. I’m trying to see the silver lining. This might be the kick in the ass I need to move on to bigger and better things.

Loving the return of thunderstorms. This year has seen some pretty extreme weather already this year, but here in Colorado, we are in a slow build. My favorite time of the year is coming, the time when they afternoon storms roll in like clockwork. The best ones though come in the middle of the night. I wake to rain pounding the windows and thunder rolling overhead. I snuggle in next to my girlfriend and concentrate on the storm. I feel safe, and loved, and warm, and alive all at once.

Hating that it’s only been just over 100 days since this new administration took over. One hundred awful, scary days, and so much more to go. I’m grateful that so far most of what him and the Republicans have tried to do has failed, but every morning, when I wake up and turn on the news, there is an immediate sense of anxiety. Every morning I wait to hear in what ways that man has embarrassed or endangered us all.

Hoping all the momentum I see building on the left keeps growing and carries us right into the midterm elections next year. There is a movement, people are coming together all over the country, nearly every weekend, to protest, speak up, and resist in all the ways they can. I’m excited!

So, all in all, this month was the best so far this year. It was a time for me to be selfish and take in a little extra attention from loved ones. It was a time of healing and of getting used to my new normal with this illness. I’m looking forward to May and to continuing to grow surrounded by the love and support I know I am lucky to have. I’m looking forward to bigger things and a better, more focused, more motivated me.

So, how about you? Was April good or bad to you? What are you looking forward to in April? Are you going to buy me a birthday gift? Let me know in the comments :)

***

Check out my weekly-ish newsletter for interesting reads + some of my own existential musings on life, love, and inevitable human suffering, or help support what I do by sharing a cup of coffee.

The inspiration for these comes from Andrea at Create.Share.Love.

Featured image via Unsplash

Advertisements

Currently // May 2016

Writing my first piece for the newsletter I am starting up. Right now it’s a way for me to share where I am with my projects, how I am feeling creatively, and share my thoughts on human nature and experience. Oh, and there will be links to things and people that inspiring and helpful too.

Planning some big summer projects. There will be a collection of essays and poems, maybe artwork if I can make it look nice, and, hopefully, work being submitted to small publications. I might even get my shit together and start working on a book :/

Making a real effort to silence my inner critic and let go of my fears. There is so much I want to start doing and I haven’t because I am afraid and because I think no one would care what I have to say or share. I need to stop thinking about all of that and just do what feels right and good. I need to start having fun.

Thinking about how little I know about what is happening in the rest of the world and how that ignorance comes from a place of privilege as a US citizen. I am trying to find ways to become more informed.

Reading Catch-22 by Joseph Heller. The book and the reader have to fit together for any wisdom of understanding to flow between the two. Catch-22 and I don’t fit together easily but the more I stick with it the more we see eye to eye and the effort is reaping big rewards.

Watching The new Roots miniseries on History Channel. I never did watch the old miniseries but the book has always been among my favorites so I was very excited for the premiere last night. It did not disappoint and I look forward to watching the rest all week.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed by the demands of the world and the demands of my dreams and passions. There never seems to be enough time for both and I am in constant fear that I will have to give up on what I love so that I can be a normal functioning person in the real world.

Needing to clean up my “creativity room” and get to work in there. It’s a mess and not conducive to any sort of creative process what so ever. I need an entire day dedicated to getting it together but I’m not sure exactly when that will happen.

Loving the strange combination of fruity vinegar flavors and the fizzy foamy texture of Kombucha, or fermented tea. It sounds weird, and it is, but it’s weirdly good and I think you should try it. I want to start making batches of my own at home :)

Hating the fact that my phone decided it couldn’t go on any longer and overheated, froze, and died in my hands. Hoping the replacement won’t give up on me so easily.

Hoping that the summer won’t fly by so quickly and that it won’t be too hot. I hope my girlfriend and I can make the most of our time off and make a few memories. We need the break from the bleak and boring days at work. We need to get out and see a little of the world.

***

The inspiration for this post comes from Andrea at Create.Share.Love.

Featured image via Pexels