Feeling Beautiful at Thirty

In just about three weeks I will have completed yet another revolution around the Sun and turn 31 years old. Before this happens I thought I should take some time and think about what being 30 has meant to me and write a few posts marking the year that saw me moving into true adulthood.

One of my biggest concerns was that my body was going to start going to shit. I don’t know if my body really changed more this year than any other or if I was just hyper-aware of the changes this year because of my fear. What has turned out to be really surprising is that I love my body more now than I ever did.

My whole life I have been pretty skinny, with moderate curves in all the wrong places. My boobs are small, my butt is big, I have chicken legs, and my hips are almost nonexistent. I felt awkward in everything I wore and I wished to gain weight in all the places I didn’t have it so things would appear a little more even out. Thirty heard my wishes and chose to grant them, mostly.

I feel like my body is growing into itself and even in the areas that are not improving, I see them a little differently and I kinda like it. For example, my stomach is getting bigger day by day but instead of hating it the way I did last year when it was starting, I actually kinda like it. I am always reminded of that scene in the movie Pulp Fiction when Fabienne explains to her boyfriend Butch that she wishes she had a pot belly.

Everything seems to be getting bigger—my thighs, my boobs, my butt—and I do want to start working out to make sure things don’t get out of hand, but for now, I think I look pretty damn good :)

Besides having more curves to love I feel like my face has slimmed down, I don’t look like a little kid anymore, my skin appears healthier, and my hair is growing faster than ever. I attribute all that to drinking more water and eating more fruits and vegetables.

All this, and maybe my maturing brain too, means I feel more confident and more secure in my skin than I ever did before.

I feel more like a woman. I do not mean to say that I feel especially feminine or even sexier, I just mean I feel like a beautiful, strong human being. I feel like something special, something magical, something I never thought I could be.

I look forward to what the next year might bring.

“I am obsessed with becoming a woman comfortable in her skin.”

// Sandra Cisneros

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Featured image via Unslpash.com 

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Love the Skin You’re In // Prose Poetry

It’s a strange thing, the way your skin grows to you before you grow into it. The way your skin is always there before you ever become aware. You never noticed what it was or what it did. You never see that it is the boundary, marking where you begin. Then one day, around the age of twelve or thirteen, you notice your skin and you hate what you see.

Oh, what horrible skin you find that you have. You feel stupid for never seeing it. You feel ugly and sad. You loathe your skin. You hate it holding you in. You hate it holding others out. You hate it for being too this, too that, and never quite right. You go on loathing, whining, and moaning, “Why can’t you be different?”.

So, you tan and brighten, trying to change the pigment. You stare in the mirror wishing for a better appearance. You hate it showing off your every hurt, your every growth spurt. So, you scrap it, and pick it, and hope it gets better. You scrub it, and mask it, with sick twisted pleasure. You steam it, and freeze it, in the hope that after you will find your bad skin will become something “other”.

This goes on for years, with bellowing and tears. Then one day, quite random and without cause, you find your skin was perfect, just the way it was. You see it’s perfection in every wrinkle and scar. You see it’s done its job, it’s loved you all along. It’s has protected you, warmed and cooled you. It’s saved you from yourself, on more than one occasion, and you have never shown it any appreciation.

So, please, show that skin some love! Pamper it, baby it, show it off, without shame. Go out without guilt, go on and be bold. Let the whole world know, that the skin you’re in, is a temple to behold.

Original image via Iwan Gabovitch