If We Were Having Coffee // Spring Break Started Early!

“Sometimes life is merely a matter of coffee and whatever intimacy a cup of coffee affords.”

Richard Brautigan

Hello, dear readers. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of coffee and catching up. I almost didn’t make it today! Fatigue is kicking my butt, and my medication still hasn’t taken effect yet, and that means I slept most of the day away.

The clouds outside aren’t helping. It seems our warm, dry weather streak is over.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that thanks to the break in the warm, dry weather I got an extra day of spring break. The local news predicted blizzard-like conditions, so school was canceled which means I got to stay home too.

But here in Denver, Colorado what happens in one part of town can be very different from another. Some parts of the city got hit bad, in my area we got mostly rain, and by early afternoon the slush had melted and dried. I have a feeling out district will take a hit with the public for this one, but it won’t matter. It’s hard to decide whether or not to brave the conditions and hope for the best. The public forgets that safety is most important, especially in the Transportation department.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that even though it’s officially spring break, I still have to work but it’ll be easy work: organizing, filing, spreadsheets, cleaning up, that sort of thing. I can’t exactly afford to lose five days of pay, but I can afford to lose some, so I’m just working six hours a day, and only three days out of the week, Monday thru Wednesday.

Thursday and Friday, my girlfriend and I are planning a day trip out-of-town and a day in-town. Thursday we’re heading to Denver Art Museum for a very geeky Star Wars costume exhibit then out for seafood and sangria. Friday we’ll be heading up to Boulder for the day. I’m not sure what we’ll do up there, but I’m hoping for lots of shopping and more good food.

***

Last week wasn’t so bad. My route wasn’t running, and I managed to steer clear of having to do extra work, so that was good. I had hoped to spend all that free time working on a whole bunch of writing projects but, it turns out, I only had time and energy for one.

I entered a fiction contest at The Writing Collective. You can read it if you like but it isn’t my best work. I found out about the contest a little late and between work, my guts still acting up, and a last-minute dinner and drinks date with a cousin who got laid off from work, I didn’t have time. I wanted to give up, but I thought maybe I should try anyway. I thought I should do my best and see what happens. *shrug*

I also finished my first submission for Aloe. I’ll be submitting it today, but there is no guarantee of acceptance. If they agree to publish it, I’ll wait a few weeks before working on another. If they don’t, I’ll get started right away on another.

I’m hoping that this week I can finally get back on track around here. I have a ton of drafts to finish and the A to Z challenge is just around the corner, and I have barely got any ideas together. I have a theme, which I have yet to announce, another thing I’m behind on, but I have nothing written and a few letters lacking a topic.

***

If we were having coffee I would tell you that we’ve come to that time, I have to go. After spending the day in and out of naps, plus sweating over cleaning and writing, it’s time I took care of myself. I’m thinking a nice cold hard cider and a long hot shower, at the same time!*

I hope you had a great week. I hope your weekend was nice and relaxing. I hope you’ll take a moment to drop by the comments and let me know how you are doing and what you’ve been up to.

Until ext time :)

*Some might consider a “shower cider” to be outside the spirit of the “shower beer.” Unfortunately, beer doesn’t agree with my stomach so cider it is and I don’t care what those people think.

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Check out my weekly-ish newsletter for interesting reads + my own existential musings on life, love, and inevitable human suffering, or buy me a cup of coffee perhaps? 

Written for to the Weekend Coffee Share link-up hosted by Nerd in the Brain

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If We Were Having Coffee // A Bad Week that Wasn’t so Bad

“A friend of coffee is a friend of mine.”

― Death Wish Coffee

Hello, dear readers. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of coffee and catching up with me. I did my best to get going early this morning. It helped that I had to be up anyway. My stomach waking me up every morning around 5:30, just in time for medication and work, is my new normal. Unfortunately, my gut isn’t aware that it is the weekend, so here we are. The weather is gorgeous so I have the windows open and the cold brew already made.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this past week was not the best but sometimes when you get through a bad week, when you do your best and get everything done that you needed to, it feels like a good week anyway.

Work was frustrating. I can’t go into a lot of detail but imagine if you had a goal or task that took place over the course of months every year. Imagine are awesome and complete your tasks on time, every year. Then imagine that instead of getting to celebrate, relax, or move on to the next task, you were reminded by your boss that you were part of a team and that your job was to complete the work of other employees who hadn’t completed their tasks, every single year! It’s infuriating! But I’m taking care of myself. I set boundaries. I’m not going to stress myself out or overwork myself to complete this task.

But I’m taking care of myself. I set boundaries. I’m not going to stress myself out or overwork myself to complete this task. The get a couple of hours, two days a week, and that’s it, and from now on, instead of just checking in with my team, I will check in with other teams so that I can be free in April, as was always my goal.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you this week was a slow writing week. For most of the week, when I wasn’t working, I was just too tired. My health still isn’t back 100%, which reminds me, I finally had a consult with my GI doctor a whole month after my diagnosis! I’m angry it took so long, but I’m happy to have more information and a plan. It also helped that she started out by apologizing.

I’ll be honest, though, a lot of what she said was a bit depressing. She really made sure I understood that ulcerative colitis is for life. I can never stop treatment, and I can never lose my insurance. If I lose insurance treatment becomes too expensive. If I stop treatment, it may not work when I have to start again, and I will have to start again because ulcerative colitis is for life.

So, I’m back on the steroids, but at a lower dose, and an anti-inflammatory drug that I will take every day for the rest of my life. It will take a few more weeks to know for sure whether this plan will work or not but I’m hoping it will. If it doesn’t work, then I’ll have to move on to harsher drugs, and no one wants that. I’d much rather be taking these pills then giving myself injections or going in for infusions every few weeks. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that even though I didn’t post much, a few writing related things did happen. I had a piece published on Femsplain. I worked on a few things for Aloe, and, I found a fiction contest to enter if I can get my shit together.

I also changed a few things around here. Nothing big. I added a new page for work I’ve had published Elsewhere. I tweaked my About page and updated my Now page too, and I set up an account for donations/tips on Ko-fi. I don’t expect to get much now, but after I start working on some bigger projects I’m hoping to get a few bucks here and there to help keep my going. And finally, I spent a ton of time gathering ideas and information and talking with like-minded folks on both the Buffer Community and Femslack.

The Buffer Community is free if you would like to join but Femslack will cost you, or you can do what I did and write for them instead. It’s worth it!

It’s nice to feel like a part of a community—especially when it’s a secret “members only” one—and to know there are people I can ask questions of or vent to should I every need it. In fact, I’m thinking about setting up a community of my own in the future *wink, wink*

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this coming week should be easier than the last, which means I plan to be hanging around here much more. I have a ton of comments piled up and awaiting replies—I’m so sorry!—and a few posts drafted and waiting to be shared. I want to catch up on the comings and goings of my blogging friends and find some new ones to follow too.

It’s the last before Spring Break too. I don’t have any big plans yet, but my girlfriend and I are hoping to find something big to do. We’d love to get out-of-state for a few days, but I’d settle for just out of the city if I could. Even that might not happen, though. We need a dog sitter first and our usual, my little sister, has school that week. Sigh.

I can’t tell you how badly I need this vacation. I am going crazy doing the same things day in and day out with nothing new to stimulate or inspire me. I don’t care what we do or where we go as long as it is away from work, home, and everyone I know.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that, sadly, we have come to that time. I love chatting with you all and if given half a chance I could probably go on all day long but there are rooms to clean, pets to care for, and shopping to be done, not to mention all the writing itching to get done. So, I’d better get off the internet and out into the real world.

I hope you had a wonderful week I hope you had a relaxing weekend too. Please, take a minute to drop a note in the comments and catch me up on everything that has been going on.

Until next time 🙂

I don't understand how she can sleep with her nose buried in her own ass like that 😝

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Check out my weekly-ish newsletter for interesting reads + my own existential musings on life, love, and inevitable human suffering, or buy me a cup of coffee perhaps? 

Written for to the Weekend Coffee Share link-up hosted by Nerd in the Brain

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The Week’s End // A Roundup of Interesting Reads

Hello, friends! If you’re looking for some interesting reads to check out while you relax, look no further, I got you covered. Here are some things I found important, inspiring, and interesting enough to share:

@refinery29

Trump takes on the most vulnerable.

The Mad King

Is America Great Again Yet?

The Death of Compassion

Plan B?

Brown Girls

Aging is a pain.

A brave girl, one very rare side effect.

Sometimes doctors are stupid too.

In another timeline

What to read next.

@threadfamous

Have you read, watched, or written an interesting thing this week? Has something on the internet made you feel strongly? If so, drop a link in the comments, we’d love to check it out :)

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This list was originally sent out along with this morning’s newsletter: My Body Fell Short, along with a few existential thoughts from me. Check it out and subscribe!

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The Week’s End // A Roundup of Interesting Reads

Hello, friends! If you’re looking for some interesting reads to check out while you relax, look no further, I got you covered. Here are some things I found important, inspiring, and interesting enough to share:

Believe.

Segregation never stopped.

Use what you have.

Promises or Lies?

More lies.

It’s never 9 to 5.

Obama.

A reading list.

Entering white spaces.

Let the men twirl.

Aaliyah + Rihanna

5287e6ac-d6bc-4424-9e4f-fc865f264242

Subtle Ceiling

 

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This list was sent out with yesterday’s newsletter Resist!. Check it out and subscribe!

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If We Were Having Coffee // A Gloomy Day Chat

“I love to drink coffee with people in the morning. And I love to drink coffee in the morning with no one in my fucking face – Excuse my soul.”

— Jack Kerouac, from a letter to Allen Ginsberg

Hello dear readers. Thank you for stopping by on this cold and gloomy day for a bit of coffee and conversation. Days like this are for laying under thick blankets, drinking hot tea, cocoa out of big mugs, and watching TV. Days like this are for staying in your pajamas all day. BUT I want to be productive. There is so much work to be done around the house and a little shopping later. I needed a reason to get up and get moving, and coffee date with you is just the excuse I needed to get me out of bed and dressed.

Thank you.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this past week was a loooooong one. Working for the school district this wasn’t surprising. The week before had been a short one, plus we got a surprise snow day, and this week was one before a three-day weekend. We were still adjusting to the regular schedule and looking forward to another break. Time slowed to a crawl in all that fatigue and anticipation.

On Friday our boss’s boss’s boss came in to talk to us about the hiring shortage and what courses of action the district may be considering. None of it sounded good even though they did their best to sugar coat the situation. As a result, my coworkers were tense, and things turned negative quickly. The future seems pretty bleak, but I feel a renewed motivation to work on finding a way to start making money through writing.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the highlight of the week was the Pulp Fiction movie party at The Alamo Drafthouse Friday night. I had been looking forward to it all week, and through all the frustration and fatigue I stayed positive because I knew I was going to get to sit in a movie theater and see my favorite movie of all time on the big screen. Plus, hearing a hundred or so people quoting along to every f-bomb that Samuel L. Jackson drops is hilarious.

Pulp Fiction is one of those films that you catch something new every time you see it. This last time I realized that near the end when Butch is heading back to his apartment to retrieve his father’s watch, he passes an open window where a radio advertisement for Jack Rabbit Slim’s is playing. The same Jack Rabbit Slim’s restaurant that Mia and Vince eat at earlier in the film.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this coming week is going to be a hard one. I’m spending my day off facing one of my biggest fears, the doctor’s office. It’s been years since I’ve seen a doctor and in that time my body has been falling apart day by day. I have joint pain throughout my body, gastrointestinal problems, peripheral neuropathy, migraines, plus anxiety and panic attacks. I’m sure we will only get to a few of my issues, but it will be a start. I have to get over my fear so I can get well.

The rest of the week I’ll be working, working, working. Most people like to work more, or at least they like when they get paid more for working more, but I don’t always feel like that. I like to have time to write, even if it’s only few minute to write for myself. But this week we have a new class starting, and I have some testing to catch up on. So I might not be around much. Trust me, I’m not happy about it either.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that whatever free time I will have I’ll be working on a piece of Femsplain about mental illness that I really hope will be chosen for their online publication and a set of poems for Platypus Press’s upcoming anthology A Portrait in Blues.

I’ve been published in Femsplain before but the last few pieces I’ve submitted haven’t been chosen. I keep trying though because I love what they do.

I’ve only recently discovered Platypus Press, though, and it has been my dream ever since to be published by them. They seem to have an eye for emotional and intense writing, and if they chose me one day, I would know I was on the right track. Plus, I love how hard they work to promote their writers. They seem like a good home for my work, one day when my work is worthy that is.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that time has seemed to slip away from me and I really must get going if I want to accomplish anything. The Christmas tree has to come down to-day, and I need to get across town for some grocery shopping. It’s been great chatting with you, and if you have a moment before you leave, I’d love if you dropped a comment below and let me know how you have been.

Until next time :)

I'm sick but I'm trying not to be a bitch about it 🙃 #sickandtiredofbeingsickandtired #selfie

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Embracing Uncertainty

Hello, dear readers and happy Monday! I know I know, Mondays aren’t happy. Mondays are for being tired, and grouchy, and remembering all the things you don’t like about your life. Mondays are for wanting nothing more than to crawl back into bed and escaping the world.

But, let’s try something different. Let’s think of Mondays as a fresh start, every week. Mondays are our do-overs, our reset buttons, our first days. Let’s make the changes we want to see in ourselves and the world, okay?

For me, this Monday is a super easy one, and, hopefully, if I can focus, a productive one too. It’s the first day of my winter break from work, and I hope to spend it writing as much as I can since I blew off the whole weekend laying on the couch or visiting family. I still have to work a few days over this week and next but today I am home. I am relaxed but focused. I have coffee, and I have set up shop in the spare bedroom, far away from the TV.

I am trying.

“The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty: not knowing what comes next.”

— Ursula K. Le Guin, The Left Hand of Darkness

I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to grow up and grow old with another person.

I feel lucky to have lived as close to a fairy tale as most people can ever hope. It has been—and continues to be a roller coaster ride of emotion and uncertainty by as time go one the highs are less high and the lows aren’t so low. It’s a good thing to be slow and steady and secure in each other. We are like one person with two brains. We fight, we confess, we whisper sweet nothings, and sometimes we want to get away from one another. It is all very lovely and typical.

We wanted to be secure with each other, but we became too confident in the trajectory of our lives. Lately, things are beginning to feel repetitive. Lately, things have started to feel like they are over.

We wake up, we work, we come home, we watch Netflix, we go to bed. We grocery shop, we see family, and we go to the movies. We pay our bills, we have food, we have a roof, we have water and heat. We have fun, and we laugh, but we have fun and laugh in all the same places with all the same people. We love each other, and we love the life we built, but it’s beginning to feel a bit too insulated I think.

There is no more uncertainty, and we have found that instead of making us any happier, it’s actually driving us a little insane.

Last night, just before we fell asleep, we had a bit of a joint existential crisis and decided that life feels too much like life is already over like we did everything everyone is supposed to do, or that we can do, and now we are just going through the motions until the end. It was sad, and I realized that to be feeling like this before we’ve even lived half of our lives is so awful. We are not supposed to be feeling like this!

So, I proposed that we make a joint New Year’s resolution. We will resolve to start, right away, doing all the things we’ve always wanted to do. All the places we’ve wanted to visit, all the experiences we’ve wanted to have, all the things we wanted to learn, they are going on the list. Some of the things on the list will be easy, trips and classes to take, some will be big, like changing our careers big.

Life may become a little less certain for us, but just thinking about this list and where it might lead us feels so exciting. It feels like life can begin again for us, together, as it should.

Life should never feel stale, and I regret letting things go on the same day after day the way I have. I grew up in chaos, and so this calm felt good. It felt like I could finally breathe. I could stop and look around, I could get my bearing and figure what it meant to exist, to be me, and to love, and suffer, and learn. But I have done that, and now it is time to shatter everything I think I know and let my life become something new again.

This week, we should all start thinking about what your life has become and what you always meant for it to be. How do you feel about where you are and what you might have thought was good and it turns out was not what you wanted after all? Think about what you have learned over your life and what you still hope to.

Think about how much time you have left and how you might feel when the end comes, and you have continued just as you are for the rest of the time you have. How might you feel?

Make a list of the things you want to do, see, and learn. Put them in whatever order you like and make it your mission to check off whatever you can—however you can—until you can’t anymore.

Think about how good that will make you feel, when the end comes, and you had the courage to let go and give into a little uncertainty so that you could really live!

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Quote via Austin Kleon

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If We Were Having Coffee // Just Get Through This Week

Hello dear readers. Thank you so much for stopping by for a cup of warm coffee and what may a bit of a rambling chat. I feeling somewhat scattered today. I woke up much later than I wanted to this morning and no matter how hard I try to catch up I find myself slipping further and further behind. There is so much I had planned to do that I am sure I will have to put off again.

I have been easily distracted, my mind is restless and anxious, I’m tired, and slipping slowly into frustration.You should probably get out now while you can.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the only things keeping me going right now are the sunshine outside my window and the knowledge that no matter what happens all I have to do is get through this week. I just have to keep on breathing and put one foot in front of the other all the way through Friday, and then I will have plenty of time to accomplish everything I had to set aside. I will have two full weeks off of work in which to read, write, and create a little art in. It is going to be amazing!

I want to work on a few submission, at least two pieces for my zine and get a jump-start on a few post for the new year. My art journal has been neglected for months now, and I really want to try to get one or two more books read before the end of the month. I almost wish I could have the time off without the holiday getting in the way.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that, speaking of reading goals, I am enjoying Natalie Goldberg’s Writing Down the Bones so, so much. She writes about writing in a way that makes me feel the way I know I should be making my readers feel. She makes me feel better about the way I feel about writing. The way I prioritize it and allow it to seep into nearly every other aspect of my life. She makes me feel like I might be doing a thing or two right after all.

I’m a little over halfway through it and next I’m supposed to read Plato’s Republic but that doesn’t sound very fun right now, so I think I will start on a stack of shorter books I have by writer’s of color for a while.

***

If we were having coffee, i would tell you that the highlight of my weekend was getting out for sushi and a late night movie with my girlfriend Friday night. The sushi place is a new one we found in the same parking lot as our favorite theater. That means we can have a bit of sake with dinner and not have to worry about the drive. The place in intimate and I don’t feel too intimidated by my lack of experience using chopsticks or eating something I can’t even pronounce. It’s nice to feel comfortable to try new things and make mistakes.

We saw Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, which I wish I could tell you was amazing. It wasn’t bad, but after seeing movies like Arrival, Moonlight, and Handmaiden, I was a little underwhelmed. I tried to like it for what it was, though.

I wanted to see Rouge One this coming weekend, but I stalled too long and nearly every seat is sold for every showing through Sunday night. Sigh.

***

 

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that for the first time ever, starting a new year scares me. I’ve been trying to think about some goals or resolutions I would like to set, and nothing seems right. Whenever I try to picture where I want to be a year from now all I can think about is how crazy 2016 turned out to be and my brain sort of gives up. Why try to prepare or predict when nothing turns out quite like you wanted it to anyway?

I think the closest I may come to real resolutions this year is just a list of things I would like to do if I can. The list will be flexible, I’ll add things throughout the year as they occur to me, and I’ll remove the items that just won’t work.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that, lately, I have been feeling a little down about myself. My self-esteem has taken a dip, and I can’t help thinking that nothing I am doing is turning out right. I’m struggling not to stay in bed all day and hide from the world…

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If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I am so sorry, but I really have to get going. I have words to type, laundry to wash, and a dog begging for attention. I hope that you had a good week and a relaxing weekend. I hope the coming week will be an easy one, for both of us, and I hope you will stop by the comments to say hi and let me know what you have been up to.

Until next time :)

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