If We Were Having Coffee // An Emotional Birthday Weekend Rollercoaster

Hello dear readers. Welcome, happy Sunday, and thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine¬†and catching up. It’s going to be a quick conversation this week, today is that special day of the year I get to spend at the kitchen table, squinting at my computer screen, surrounded by a collection of documents from various financial institutions, trying to tell the IRS what they already know.

At least the sun is shining today, and the temperatures¬†are warming up again. This weekend gusts of frigid winter air blew through the city and sapped all the energy from our bones. It was a harsh reminder that it isn’t quite summertime yet and to make any outdoor plans right now is risky. Luckily much of my birthday celebrations were all inside activities.

‚ÄúSometimes it is the smallest thing that saves us: the weather growing cold, a child’s smile, and a cup of excellent coffee.‚ÄĚ

‚Äē Jonathan Carroll

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that my birthday was a good one this year. This year, my birthday fell on a Friday the 13th. I’m not superstition, but it’s fun to have the day that you celebrate your birth and another year of life occasionally fall on a day culturally considered unlucky.

I usually celebrate the day as a sort of mini Halloween. I wear creepy t-shirts, I might watch a scary movie, and sometimes I get tattoos from shops doing Friday the 13th specials. This year I got a gorgeous, and quite painful, “bad luck” tattoo on the back of my neck.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the rest of my birthday was spent with just my girlfriend. We had pizza before the tattoo shop then¬†we found a new Italian¬†place to check out for dinner after. I had lamb ribs with fig glaze, rabbit gnocchi, and a pastry dessert that I can’t remember the name of that was to die for! My fiance had the cornish game hen stuffed with pheasant sausage and tiramisu for dessert. It was all delicious, and it was fun to try some new foods on my special day, but I don’t think I’ll be eating rabbit or pheasant again anytime soon.

Yesterday was a close friend of mine’s birthday, so we had another birthday dinner, this time at a sushi restaurant, then drinking, dancing, and a drag show after.

It was all a ton of fun, and I was glad to see my friends and celebrate with them, but I realized that for me, turning 33 was a very serious, quiet, and personal affair. I’m not sad about it, and I certainly believe it is a milestone worth celebrating, but celebrating with a more intimate company was definitely a good choice.

Another thing I love about birthdays is hearing from all the people who think I matter too. From my father’s text at four in the morning to my grandmother’s late-night call to sing happy birthday before I was off to bed I felt like for just one day I was more alive, more real, because so many people were thinking of me.

I still have to see my mom‚ÄĒwho also celebrated a birthday this month‚ÄĒand my siblings, and my dad. I’ll have another dinner with my cousins soon and another later in the month with a few other friends who, like me, prefer a quieter night out. I celebrate the whole month long, and I recommend everyone do the same. We all deserve it.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the gifts were pretty awesome too. A coworker brought her 7-year-old daughter in to give me a gift bag full of six avocados. I got myself the tattoo (you should always buy yourself something too). My mom gave me money to buy more books. My girlfriend got me a few AdamJK things, a book of Familiar Quotations by John Bartlett, and 17 volumes from The University Society Book Lovers Edition 1901 Shakespeare Collection she found at a thrift store.

Many are full of handwritten notes and pieces of other works either glued or stapled in. Used books are ever just about the book. They are also about every person who has owned them before you.

Apparently, there are more gifts to come tomorrow, something bigger I hear, but I honestly already feel so content and happy with what I’ve received I can’t imagine what else I could want.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that there was in the middle of all this celebration and special attention some bad news came. All the tests the doctors ordered a few weeks ago have come back and while I’m not doing poorly‚ÄĒas in, not anemic, no new health issues‚ÄĒthe inflammation is back, and my medication is definitely not working.

I’ve been slowly declining for a few weeks now, and I’ll keep getting sicker and sicker if I am not switched to new medication but of course, because I live in America, standing between me and the next stage in my care are big dollar signs. I have the choice of two different meds, one I’ll have to pay for¬†up front, or one to be billed later, neither of which can I really afford.

I’m applying for financial assistance from the drug companies, but the application process is complicated. It’s going to take some time. Meanwhile, I’m worried about how much work I’ll have to miss, and¬†if three or four or five years from now after I’ve paid 10s of thousands of dollars the medication will stop working, and in the end, my colon will end up being removed anyway.

I’m only 33 years old! I shouldn’t be dealing with these kinds of problems yet!

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you the taxes are all done, and that means I have to move on to other projects. I’m at least four letters behind in the Blogging A to Z Challenge, and I still have to get ready or the work week. Thank you for sitting through this stressful time with me, it helps to have friendly vibes and an ear to bend to ease the anxiety.

I hope you had a pleasant weekend. I hope your taxes are done, and Spring has been more like summer than winter where you are. I hope your coming week will be productive, and if it isn’t, I hope you know it’s okay to take a break and that you can begin again anytime you choose.

Until next time.

***

Thanks for reading! If you like this post check out my weekly-ish newsletter for inspiring reads + existential musings on life, love, and inevitable human suffering. Or help support what I do by sharing a cup of coffee.

Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

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If We Were Having Coffee // A Confidence Boost and a Kick in the Ass

Good morning, happy Sunday, welcome and thank you, dear readers, for stopping by for a bit of coffee and catching up. I’m feeling a bit tired and a bit blah today but I’m hoping both will get me up, get me going, get me thinking and writing, doing the¬†things I really want to do.

And anyway, the sun is out and shining, and it’s far too beautiful a day to be wasted away on the couch or my phone, don’t you think? Yes, let’s get in another state of mind, a positive one that starts with a jolt of caffeine and a few¬†endorphins released between friends, shall we?

‚ÄúGood communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.‚ÄĚ

‚ÄĒ¬†Anne Morrow Lindbergh

//

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that my lady is back home and I have been in a state of love and bliss ever since. Apparently, my friends and coworkers were quite concerned with me. I’m a bit concerned too, over how quickly I can fall apart without her.

To be fair, when you live and work with someone for over 13 years and spend every day talking with them, venting to them, bouncing ideas off of them, seeking and giving comfort, even a day or two apart can be really hard.

It was good though, for me to be on my own like that for a week. I did things I am usually not comfortable doing, and I did get a confidence boost I haven’t had in a while. I was brave, and I worked out problems on my own. I learned I’m much more capable than I believed I was before. And I think it’s been good for my relationship too.

For a long time the duties, responsibilities, and the dynamic between us has been pretty rigid. I feel more aware of what my girlfriend had been doing for us, and I am more aware of the possibility that there may be other things she’d rather be doing for us and things I can take over that she had been before. We can change, exchange, and reshape the roles that we had begun to think of as set in stone.

//

If we were having coffee, ¬†I would tell you that since she’s been back, we’ve had a lot of fun. I cooked‚ÄĒsomething I hate doing with a passion‚ÄĒa special dinner of¬†pasta carbonara¬†and shared a bottle of 19 Crimes red blend wine, my favorite. We caught up on all of our shows, watched a bootlegged version of Annihilation, which was really good, and got out to the theater to see A Wrinkle in Time, which was a little disappointing, to be honest.

Yesterday we went to Whole Foods, one of our “happy places” for lunch, and did a little thrift/antique store hopping. She scored a HUGE glass jar that I have no idea what she plans to do with, and I got a good deal on some vintage books: Romeo and Juliet and The Merchant of Venice by Shakespeare and The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorn.

Today we’re staying in‚ÄĒexcept for style grocery shopping and treating the dog to a to PetSmart trip‚ÄĒto catch up on housework, watch¬†The Shape of Water (also bootlegged), and to prepare for another busy work week.

//

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I¬†had hoped to be back to blogging regularly by now, but I’m, obviously, not. I’m starting to feel properly disappointed in myself, but with the April A to Z challenge just around the corner, I’m hoping I will get the a just the metaphorical kick in the ass I need to get going.

I have a theme or three in mind and quite a few ideas for each, but I’m supposed to announce my theme tomorrow! I’ll be spending the rest of the day writing that, and trying to fill out the more difficult letters of the alphabet, “q,” “v,” “x,” etc.

I really want to make this year work. Last year I struggled through the first week and gave up. This year I’m keeping it simple and making the posts more personal. It’s easier to write what you know when you start with yourself, you know?

//

If we were having coffee, I would say that the sunlight seems to have shifted and the afternoon has brought clouds and cooler air blowing through the open windows, reminding me that the day is fading fast. Sadly, it’s time for me to go. I have so much left to do, and write, before tomorrow, so I thank you again for stopping by. I’ll say my goodbyes and wish you a wonderful rest of your weekend.

I hope you have been well and wherever you are you have enjoyed some sunshine and some time for yourself. I hope you have felt productive and proud of yourself, and if not I hope the coming week, you’ll see a change for the better.

Until next time.

//

Thanks for reading! If you like this post check out my weekly-ish newsletter for inspiring reads + existential musings on life, love, and inevitable human suffering. Or help support what I do by sharing a cup of coffee.

Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

 

 

 

 

If We Were Having Coffee // A Moment to Acknowledge Progress

Hello, happy Sunday, welcome, and thank you for stopping by for a bit of coffee and catching up. Forgive me for not sitting down. I’ll have to take my caffeine¬†and converse¬†while I’m getting ready because we have an appointment to tour our dream wedding venue today! I would have waited to chat with you until after but I am afraid I’ll be told the place is out of our meager budget and return broken-hearted and depressed. No, better to visit now, while I’m excited and have my past week still fresh in my head.

‚ÄúI cannot simply put into words how coffee, stars, and a good conversation turns me on.‚ÄĚ

‚ÄĒ constellationsofmisery

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that there you may start seeing more of me around here than you have lately. I know posts have been few and far between and far from fun, interesting, or informative too. Part of it has been my busy schedule. I give all my best hours and all my creative energy to my day job, and by the time I get home, there is nothing left for writing. Part of it has been perfectionism too. Writing is easy, but editing is dreadful! So whatever I do make time to write just sits unloved and atrophying in my drafts folder.

If I am honest though, most of it is a lack of passion. I haven’t been writing that way I want to write. I’ve been trying to write what I think people want, or the way I think other people do. I haven’t been writing in a way that works for me.

This week I read an old post from one of my favorite authors, Austin Kleon, on his return to daily blogging and it really summed up the way I have been feeling, and where I hope to go, now. I realized that I wasn’t alone. Being online is hard. Being interesting is hard. Delivering something worth reading on any regular basis is really fucking hard.

But even when I am afraid, and I give up for a while, I miss it. Kleon reminded me that blogging is important to both the reader and to the writer. Blogging is a way of thinking and a blog is a container to fill with all the things you think. This place is mine and as much as I love my readers, and as much as I love the attention the internet can bring, this place has to be for me first.

And so it will be. I am not quite ready to jump in and promise you posts every single day, but soon, very, very soon.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I have been reading again. I’m a book or three behind schedule already, but it’s okay. I’ve found my groove with The Oresteia by Aeschylus, and I’m not rushing at all. In fact, I’m spending most of my time researching the time period, the Gods, the myths, the back stories of every family and every character. I’m reading the notes in the back, and the Spark Notes and the Wikipedia entries on my phone. All the research is making a play that is already rich with emotion so much more interesting.

It took me weeks to get through the introduction alone, and a few more to get a handle on the structure but this week I made it more than halfway through and now I’m worried about what I will pick up next. Luckily I still have a few Penguin Classics left from the set I won last year. In that set, I realized I have both The Homeric Hymns and The Three Theban Plays. It looks like I won’t have to leave Ancient Greece for a while after all.

Oh, and on the subject of The Oresteia, I recently watched The Killing of a Sacred Deer, a creepy psychological thriller/nightmare, that I realized was based on the story of Agamemnon, the very same King that the first play of The Oresteia is named for.

In case you aren’t familiar, Agamemnon was the brother of Menelaus whose wife, Helen, was stolen from him and carried off to Troy. Together the brothers led their armies in a 10-year long war for the offense. But before the war could begin, Agamemnon offended the Goddess Artemis by killing one of her sacred deer and boasting he was the superior hunter. In retaliation, Artemis refused to let his ships advance toward Troy until Agamemnon agreed to sacrifice his daughter. He did. He went to war. He won, and upon returning, he found his wife bitter and bent on revenge and that is where The Oresteia starts.

I think it’s a pretty interesting coincidence that I would be reading these plays and happen to have decided on this film at the same time. I recommend you check out both yourself!

***

 

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I haven’t been driving as much as I should be, but I do feel better about being behind the wheel. The problem lately has been the weather‚ÄĒI’m not ready to drive in the snow‚ÄĒand we’ve been waking up late most mornings, and I’m too slow to get us to work on time. Thought of driving no longer terrifies to the point of tears and fury, and that is progress. Driving feels more and more like something I am capable of doing safely, even if I hate it.

It’s also helping to dream that at the end of this journey to overcome my phobia, there may be the promise of a new car. A car that I get to choose, that fits me. I want a car that makes me feel like I am going off on an adventure, not off to slaughter. A used Jeep Wrangler or a beat-up old Land Rover perhaps. Something I can trust.

I still have a long way to go, and pretty soon my fiance will be traveling for work, and soon she may begin working somewhere else entirely, so I have to keep going. I just felt I’d earned a little break, and a moment to acknowledge my progress. I’m so proud of myself for as far as I have come and I know I can beat this phobia! I’ve got this!

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that it is time for me to get going. A winter storm dropped five inches of snow on us yesterday, and there’s no telling what the roads will be like. I’ll pop in later to update you on the venue tour.

I do hope you had a wonderful week and that your weekend was warmer and more relaxing than mine.

Until next time.

On Living #blackoutpoetry #makeblackoutpoetry #newspaperblackout

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***

Thanks for reading! If you like this post check out my weekly-ish newsletter for inspiring reads + existential musings on life, love, and inevitable human suffering. Or help support what I do by sharing a cup of coffee.

Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli

Photo by Ronaldo Arthur Vidal on Unsplash

If We Were Having Coffee // Happy Traumatic Brain Injury Sunday

Hello dear readers! Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffiene and catching up. I managed to break yet another French press carafe so we’ll be doing a bit of DIY pour over drip coffee today. Which is fine by me if it is by you. On days like this, when the clouds are hanging about that the temps are laying low, a bit of coffee and conversation will go a long way. On days like this, I’ll take what I can get.

‚ÄúLife‚Äôs too short to drink crappy coffee and cry over [people] who don‚Äôt care.‚ÄĚ

‚ÄĒ Matty Healy

***

If we were having coffee I would tell you that, I’m tired. I don’t know what it is but I haven’t felt very rested lately. I can’t get out of bed in the morning and my mind doesn’t work at all. I’m running on auto pilot and feeling so close to death I’m worried I might start craving human flesh. I worry there is something big and wrong with me, but it’s probably just the lack of sunlight, the time change, the weather, and the work. I think I just miss warmth, and leaves, and flowers, and the sun. Oh my God, I miss the sun so much. Sure it comes out but the days are too short and the air is too cold for me to spend much time in it.

According to days.to we have just 43 days to go until the spring equinox. Of course, here in Colorado that doesn’t mean much. Our weather is often erratic and unpredictable and we could see cold and snow into May, but we could also see Spring-like weather return tomorrow. Ground hogs don’t have much say around here.

I think this week I’ll make more of an effort to get out into the fresh air, even when it’s cold. A walk up the block, or around the lot at work won’t kill me, and the sun will do me good despite the cold. I need to get away from my desk, move my limbs, rest my eyes a little, and if it’s really nice, and my work load allows, I may get some writing done out there. I think that is exactly what I have been needing.

***

If we were having coffee I would tell you that I am one of those buzz kill Debbie downers who won’t be watching the Super Bowl today. I know it’s America’s sport and all that, and I know it’s not very American or patriotic or normal of me not to watch or to care, but, well, the sport is toxic and violent and I just can’t see the “fun” in all that traumatic brain injury going on.

I wrote a few words about it over on Tumblr this morning and I linked to a great video, article, and podcast episode of The Intercept there all about the violence and economic, racial, and political power struggles in the NFL. Even if you enjoy the sport, I hope you’ll check them out. Sometimes loving something means being brave enough to make it better.

I don’t judge anyone for their love of the sport. I’m not here to make you feel bad. Almost everyone I know and love will be watching today. Someone close to me will even be freezing their ass of at the game! I’m happy for them, and happy for the teams that made it there. I just wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight if I didn’t say I felt for them too. I wish them a safe game. I wish them a future without permanent brain damage, motor impairment, confusion, suicidal thoughts, aggression, or dementia.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the wedding planning is ramping up. We’re still lacking a venue, but we’ve settled on a budget, a brunch ceremony and reception, and a design for the “save the dates”. My wife-to-be is hand painting each and every “save the date” and I am setting up three venue tours for next weekend. We’ve already found ourselves fighting, crying, and wanting to give up and it’s only been a few weeks of planning. We’re staying strong though and trying to remember that after the guest list, the budget,the invitations, and the venue booking, things should relax a bit. We’ll have all summer to figure out the rest.

Somewhere deep down we are getting excited too and I do know that whatever we end up doing it will be beautiful. I know no matter how the day is spent, that it will be the happiest day of my life.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that despite the lack of new posts around here, I actually have been writing. I have a ton of ideas and a lot of posts that have been started, I just haven’t had time to finish anything. So in the coming weeks you may see posts that would have made more sense a week or more ago. For example I have a post about the movie Groundhog Day¬†half-finished and I was ready to toss it out but I had worked so hard, and what I have to say is important to me, so I am going to finish it and post it anyway.

I know as a blogger I am expected to be organized and timely, but as a person I am messy, forgetful, and sometimes just plain afraid. I’m trying to remember that this is my space, and I can do whatever I want. I can write about whatever I want to write about and I can post it whenever I want to post it. I have no reason to hide, or to give up on a message..

I have things I want to say, not just for you, but for me too, and I would feel like a bad writer if I didn’t follow through and say what I came here to say.

***

If we were having coffee I would tell you that evening time is coming on and it’s time for me to get going and get ready for the coming week. I hope you had a wonderful and productive week, whatever that means for you. I hope you have a safe Super Bowl Sunday, and whatever team you root for wins. With that, I’ll have to take my leave, and my second cup of coffee to go, and wish you a relaxing rest of the weekend.

Until next time.

***

Thanks for reading! If you like this post check out my weekly-ish newsletter for inspiring reads + existential musings on life, love, and inevitable human suffering. Or help support what I do by sharing a cup of coffee.

Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli

Photo by Steve Harvey on Unsplash

The Week‚Äôs End // A Few of My Favorites from Around the Web

Hello and happy weekend friends! How are you? Got anything fun planned? If not, or if you happen to have a little downtime and you’re looking for some interesting or inspiring reads to check out I‚Äôve got you covered. Here are a few of my favorites from across the web:

A church and the remains of an ancient village rise above the surface of the Sau reservoir in Vilanova de Sau, Spain.
A church and the remains of an ancient village rise above the surface of the Sau reservoir in Vilanova de Sau, Spain.

Pizza cinnamon rolls and sexual misconduct 

What are you?

Shitty media men.

50 Years Ago

Preparing for the Unthinkable

Reminder.

Are we saying happy new year?

Step one is to admit it’s there.

Legalize marijuana by actually legalizing marijuana,

Productivity is for machines

Cooking with Sylvia Plath

January horoscopes

Watch¬†Vox’s Earworm. Listen to the J Dilla Cheat Sheet.¬†Follow¬†@stoppingoffplace.

 

High Above the Jovian Clouds.
High above the Jovian clouds.

So, have you read, watched, or written an interesting or inspiring thing this week? Has something on the internet made you feel strongly, think deeply, or see the world in a new light? If so, drop a link in the comments, we’d love to check it out!

 

***

This list was originally sent out along with today‚Äôs newsletter, Our World Isn’t Ours // ZEN AND PI No. 37, along with¬†some existential musings of my own. Check it out and¬†subscribe, or help¬†support what I do by sharing¬†a cup of coffee.

Featured image by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

If We Were Having Coffee // Remembering How to Do Things I Don’t Want to Do

Well hello, dear reader. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up. I’ve been playing with my old espresso machine again, tweaking the coffee to water ratios and getting closer and closer to the perfect brew. I’m still not there yet, but this one is at least as rich as it should be, even if it isn’t quite as velvety.

I haven’t had much time for¬†coffee chats lately, but I’ve needed them desperately. The last time we met up was Christmas Eve, only two weeks ago but it seems a lot longer than that. Two holidays have passed. I’ve returned to work. I’ve been writing again too. The year has changed, and I think I’ve changed a little along with it. Not as much I as I hoped I would have by¬†now, but less than I am sure I will by this time next week.

“Just coffee. Black – like my soul.‚ÄĚ

‚Äē¬†Cassandra Clare,¬†City of Bones

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I couldn’t have asked for a better Christmas or New Year’s celebration.

Christmas was spent with family eating good food, drinking, and catching up. I was happy to see the joy my gifts brought the people I loved, and I was delighted to find out how much they knew me by the gifts I received. I know that everyone knows I like coffee and books because I racked up a significant amount of gift card money to both Starbucks and Barnes and Nobel.

For New Year’s Eve, we got together with a few of our closet friends to get fancy and head downtown for a black tie event. I found a lovely maroon velvet jacket to wear, and my girlfriend was gorgeous in an emerald green dress.

We had a lot of fun, and I was happy to start 2018 off surrounded by people who cared about me. I only wish the overnight temperatures hadn’t dipped so low, that Uber hadn’t jacked up their prices, and that the light rail had been running a little more frequently. By the time we made it home my poor lady’s toes were nearly purple.

Happy New Years! #newyearseve #blacktieevent

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***

If we were¬†having coffee, I would tell you that I had hoped we’d get to ease into 2018 but, wow, this past week was bananas! Half the country is frozen. Our President taunted world leaders on Twitter, again. A Trump tell-all book was published. Then he tried to convince us of his sanity by lashing out and acting completely mental. Oh, and the whole state of California is smoking weed now.

By the end of 2017, I had stopped watching the news, and I felt guilty for not keeping up with what was happening in the world. One week into 2018 I’m ready to give up again. The anxiety I feel every time that man tweets is more than I need in my life. I have my own everyday¬†fears and obstacles to overcome. I shouldn’t have to add nuclear war to the list, and I¬†certainly shouldn’t have to spend my day refreshing social media feeds to find out whether or not nuclear winter is coming.

I’m exhausted already.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that too much of my break was spent watching movies and TV shows, but I regret nothing.

I indulged nostalgia by watching every Harry Potter film again on HBO.¬†Black Mirror season 4 was everything I hoped it would be. Star Wars: The Last Jedi was better than everyone said it was. Dave Chappelle’s Netflix specials were genius. Call Me by Your Name‚ÄĒboth the book and the movie‚ÄĒwere good but far from great, each in very different ways.

Still, I recommend all of it.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that my return to work this week was, well, annoying. It’s hard to get through a week of Christmas preparation, Christmas celebration, a weird waiting period where all you do is drink and eat leftovers, the celebrate a whole new year, and then go back to doing the same old shit you were doing before. I’ve had a hard time readjusting back to my old life. I’m having a hard time remembering how to do things that I don’t want to do.

I could have had more days off if I’d wanted, but living in a capitalist society means I feel guilty when I spend my time resting, reading, or doing whatever the hell else I want instead of making money. All I kept thinking about was how much I make per hour times how many hours I wasn’t at work. I kept a running total in my head of all the things I wouldn’t be able to buy if I didn’t go in. So I did.

At least I was able to do office work and ease back into my work schedule before the kids come back on Tuesday. All in all, it wasn’t bad at all, and all in all, my job is a pretty good one, so I’m not complaining too much. I’m only musing on the weird mental toll having so much time off, and dragging myself back, kicking and screaming, into the real world takes on me.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the highlight of my week, and the reason I didn’t get nearly as much writing done as I wanted to, was finally getting started on a couple of big bookbinding projects.

The first is my new daily journal. Last week I spent a lot more money than I expected on tools and supplies and got all the paper I needed to begin folding and sewing. I couldn’t decide whether I wanted ruled, grid, or plain, so I picked all three and added a few others: dots, and triangles, and hexagons. I printed them on bright fuchsia colored paper in random order so I can be a little freer in the way I write from day-to-day.

I also gathered up all my loose and scrap paper I had been collecting got it all cut and folded into beautiful little imperfect bundles for a new sketchbook. All the pages are different sizes, colors, and textures. Some are proper sketch papers, some are tracing pages, some are from an old graph paper pad, some pages are white, or black, or light blue, or orange.

I guess I’m trying to make little spaces where every day will be a little different. I guess, without realizing it, I am craving a little less structure and a little more freedom.

***

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I have got to get going. Time flies when you are having fun, and it’s even faster with all this caffeine in my system. Loads of laundry need washing, more posts need writing, and I am itching to make a little more progress on those projects too.

I hope your year has been off to a better start, and that all the crap that is going on around us hasn’t already made your spirit weary. I hope your resolutions are still going strong. If they aren’t, don’t worry. There is still a lot more year left to go.

Until next time.

There is no you. #makeblackoutpoetry #share

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***

Thanks for reading! If you like this post check out my weekly-ish newsletter for inspiring reads + existential musings on life, love, and inevitable human suffering. Or help support what I do by sharing a cup of coffee.

Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli

Photo by Ben Moore on Unsplash

If We Were Having Coffee // ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas

Hello dear readers and thank you for stopping by the night before Christmas for a bit of coffee and catching up, or if you prefer, a cup of velvety hot chocolate, or a hot toddy. I will have all three if you don’t mind. It is Christmas Eve after all, and I am at home, enjoying the last of the peace and quiet I will have for another day or two and the first I’ve had in a lot longer. And that is why, despite all I still have left to do, I wanted to take a few minutes to catch up with you.¬† Because you, dear reader, always calm me and help me place the world into a more manageable perspective.

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If we were having coffee, I would tell you that today we are doing as close to absolutely nothing as we possibly¬†can. We planned a large brunch for just the two of us, a lunch of just about every snack food we have in the house, and a seafood dinner of crab, shrimp, sausage, corn, and potatoes. Something a little different for just the two of us. In addition, we’ve had a few mimosas, some gin and tonics, and very soon, a spiked hot chocolate, and a maybe hot toddy before bed. As you can imagine, I am thoroughly enjoying Christmas Eve.

We’ve been outside letting the dog play in the snow while we shoveled, and giving her new toys and treats all day. The cat has gifts too, but she’s decided to spend the day snoozing so she’ll get them later I suppose.

The rest of the day was spent on the couch watching Christmas movies and a few episodes of¬†The Crown. I’ve tried to do some writing but all this holiday stress has chased my thoughts away, and all this drink and laziness has kept my hand still and the cursor blinking in place. Even my journal lays neglected and has since Friday¬†afternoon. But I must get moving, and there is no better place to start than here.

Soon I’ll have to get up. I have to make cookies, to wrap the gifts we have to give, and cook for a dish for brunch with my family tomorrow morning. After brunch, we’ll be off to see my girlfriend’s family for dinner and the rest of the evening, and it’ll finally be over, mostly.

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If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I even though I hate the holidays I do wish there was more time to celebrate all the people¬† I love in my life. I saw my cousin and friends last night for game night, I’ll see my dad on Tuesday for dinner and Star Wars. The rest of the week will be spent getting my face and outfit together for the big (expensive) New Years bash¬†downtown with friends.

And then, it will finally be over, and I promise I’ll do it better next year.

There were people I forgot to buy things for, and too much was planned and bought last-minute. I didn’t get the tree up, I didn’t get the lights out, and I wasted too much time on indecision and anxiety. I did better than last year, and for that I am proud, and I never let myself forget what the season meant to represent, and that has helped.

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If we were having coffee I would tell you that it’s getting late and I have stalled as much as I can. I have to cook, and bake, and wrap the gifts now. I have to get my clothes out and clean some of this mess up. I have to finish off this wine and get the hot toddies started too, and then I have to get to bed because it will take all the energy I have, and a lot more coffee, to make it through the day.

I hope you’ve had a good weekend. I hope that all your careful planning and preparation you’ve done makes for a perfect holiday and all that stressing and worrying will prove to have been for nothing. Most of all I hope you feel loved and connected to the community around you. That is what the holidays are for are they not?

Have a very Merry Christmas, and if we don’t see each other until then, a Happy New Year.

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Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli

Photo by Pro Church Media on Unsplash