Hello dear readers. Welcome, happy Sunday, and thank you for stopping by for a bit of coffee and catching up. My eyes are open early on this sunny spring morning, but I can’t seem to get the rest of my body moving. I’m stuck in that place between getting up and getting shit done, and pulling the covers back up and going back to sleep. Hopefully, some good coffee and conversation will get me tip me toward motivation.
And yet, like myself, those future corpses who were drinking their coffee in silence appeared ashamed to be so alive.”
― Simone de Beauvoir, The Mandarins
If we were having coffee, I would suggest we move to my new favorite room, the one we’ve always called the “creativity room” but up until now has been sorely underutilized.
The creativity room where we go to make things, and where I am supposed to go to write, but it was also a room to store our crap, more of a dumping ground with no storage and no order. For years I’ve wanted to start making it into a proper place to work in, but when your whole house is falling apart, a creativity room doesn’t feel like a reasonable allocation of resources. But it’s my birthday month, and I wanted to do something nice for myself, and for my fiance, who needs her own space to create beautiful watercolor works in.
So, this weekend we got a couple of IKEA coupons and loaded up the car with all the parts we needed to build a proper workstation for each of us. We wanted the option to be able to interact with one another, to have plants nearby and to share supplies easily. We wanted a room that we can relax in a room that feels like a place to make things, to use your mind and your hands, not a place to tune out and turn off. There is a lot more work to do in here, but I think we put together a beautiful and functional first step to that dream.
For now this new space means I finally have room to make some art! To start out I’m going to keep it simple, some magazine cut-outs and some simple writing and typography in my art journal. It also means I have space to organize all the little daily notes that I take that separately seem to mean nothing but together I’m hoping will turn out to be a book or two one day.
If we were having coffee I would tell you that my birthday month is slowly winding down and looking back on all I have been given and gotten to do I have to say this years celebration were some of the best. I truly felt important, seen, and loved, and that is why I believe birthdays are so important. All year we give and give and give and all the while inside we are lonely thinking no one cares about us. Your birthday is a chance for your loved ones to show you that you matter. Make sure they take the job seriously.
If we were having coffee I would tell you that my health has been on a slow downward spiral lately. I’m sure I mentioned it last week but I have been switched to new medication, new medication that my insurance did not cover. My birthday was nearly ruined by the news, but my doctor and the fantastic nurses working in her office helped me through a few hoops, and I was accepted into an assistance program to help with the costs. The only bad news, I have to wait over a month to start it.
So in the meantime, I’m doing my best to hold on, be strong, and to take care of myself until then. I’ve been so tired. Not tired, run down. I long for energy. I sleep, I eat, I drink copious amounts of coffee, and I still feel so drained.
My fiance is doing her best too, to hold on, to be strong, and to take care of me too. She’s been wonderful, but it hasn’t been easy for her either. I belong to an Ulcerative Colitis support group on Facebook, a few of them actually, and every week there are at least one or two people whose significant others leave them over this condition. I don’t for a second think mine will, but it puts into perspective the ways a chronic illness can come between two people. We’re working on finding the balance between acknowledging what is going on and living our lives regardless.
If we were having coffee I would tell you that I am nine letters behind in the Blogging A to Z Challenge, but I want to assure you I have not given up, I’m only working at my own pace. Feeling so run down like this makes it hard to write rather than nap or veg out on the couch when I get any free time. It sucks because I’m actually really enjoying my theme and getting a chance to really explore the human condition in an organized and methodical way.
Not only that but I’m really getting into a groove with writing. I’m figuring out what works for me. How to research, find quotes and facts, how to brainstorm and the organize my thoughts and, the hardest part by far, how to sit my ass in a chair and just write for 30 minutes to an hour.
I also feel like this project can be turned into something later. I have other ideas, some creative writing could be incorporated, or maybe a little art and illustration, why not? I’d love to get these posts edited extensively, condensed, colored, and converted to a chapbook or something, maybe?
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that as much as I am enjoying our chat, I have to get up and really get on with the day. I’m off to visit my mother for a belated birthday celebration for both of us. I hope you all had a great week and I hope your weekend was as relaxing, or fun, or productive as you needed it to be and I hope the coming week will be less stressful than the last.
Until next time.
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Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli